[intro music]
Christine Schiefer: It's a listener's episode, but we have friends here today for once. [laughter]
Em Schulz: We do, we, we brought ourselves a few guests, and by we brought, I mean, um, Eva fully orchestrated it for us, so thank you, Eva. [laughter] Um, but we, we have, uh, well, really, Christine, I feel like you should introduce 'em cause you, you know them a little better than I do.
Christine Schiefer: This is Trevin and Amanda from Live, Laugh, Larceny, as you can imagine. We love the fricking podcast name. Um, [laughter] I love the show. I think it's very fun. My brother, I think, has done a crossover with you two...
Trevin Bartee: Yes.
Christine Schiefer: Um, yeah. So we we're, we're so thrilled to have you here for our listener's episode. Welcome.
Amanda Rose: Like I said, we are beyond honored to be here.
Trevin Bartee: Yes, thank you so much.
Christine Schiefer: Thank you. Em, Em apparently immediately had something to say. Sorry, Em go ahead.
Em Schulz: No I, that's just kind of my, the way I operate is I just only like to throw myself in when not needed. Um, but [laughter], uh...
Christine Schiefer: Got it.
Em Schulz: For those of you who have never heard one of our listeners episodes before, uh, we put one out on the first of every month, so happy March everybody. Uh, we haven't gotten there yet, uh, in time and space, but hoping it's going good and...
Christine Schiefer: Mm-hmm.
Trevin Bartee: I look forward to it.
Em Schulz: Oh, March 1st, that means it's Justin Bieber's birthday... Big news.
Amanda Rose: Ohh, JB.
Em Schulz: No, no. Silence. Crickets, cool [laughter] Um, okay. Going good. Christine your turn.
Christine Schiefer: You got a half interested. Oh, JB from Amanda. I think that you should just take what you can get...
Em Schulz: Thank you.
Christine Schiefer: And run with it.
Amanda Rose: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Um, I would love to give Trevin and Amanda a chance to tell us about their podcast or just a little, like, just a little in case people haven't listened to it yet, which they should.
Amanda Rose: Oh my goodness. Well, yes, if you haven't heard of our show Live, Laugh, Larceny, um, basically we are a true petty crime podcast...
Christine Schiefer: Genius.
Amanda Rose: So we don't talk about anything murdery, you know, nothing too heavy. Um, but we like to kind of switch the, the true crime comedy genre around a little bit.
Christine Schiefer: Mm-hmm...
Amanda Rose: And instead of talking about heavy subject matter, you know, some, you know, in a lighthearted way, it's more lighthearted subject matter in a more dramatic way.
Christine Schiefer: In a dramatic way. I love that. That's so clever.
Amanda Rose: Yes. And Trevin, I'll let you kind of explain how you make it more dramatic, because he is seriously, you guys, like a very, very skilled, um, editor.
Christine Schiefer: Ooh!
Amanda Rose: He comes up with all of our original music in the background, all of our sounds. He's so good.
Christine Schiefer: Oh my God. With Tchaikovsky over here. [laughter] I don't know who that is. [laughter]
Trevin Bartee: So I really enjoy, uh, storytelling podcasts that have a lot of sound effects behind them and a lot of sound design, and I thought it would be really kind of fun to do more of that within podcasts. So kind of... I watched a lot of Tiny Tunes growing up, and I loved when they would do their, [laughter] before they would present a cartoon, they would be like Babs and Buster would come out and talk, and then like point at the screen, and then they would have like a Plucky Duck cartoon or something playing.
Christine Schiefer: Oh, how cute. Yeah.
Trevin Bartee: So the way I kind of envisioned it for Amanda and I was sort of the same way. We both come out and we write original stories based off of dumb criminal stories or petty stories in the news.
Christine Schiefer: Genius.
Trevin Bartee: And then we tell them as if they are a very dramatic, like a Dateline esque, uh, you know, horror story.
Christine Schiefer: I mean, I get why we get along, like with Alex... My brother and I, we do our like, dramatic readings of like, Karen.
Amanda Rose: Yes.
Christine Schiefer: One star... Like silly reviews.
Trevin Bartee: Yes.
Christine Schiefer: So I do get the, I do get the, like, there's something very, uh, enticing about making something ridiculous, like seem very, very serious. Um, so I applaud you for that. That's, it's a great angle.
[laughter]
Amanda Rose: Yes. No, your, your show Beach Too Sandy, Water Too Wet. Oh my God. Yes. That is a vibe. That is my...
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, yeah, let's talk about that for a while. Em, [laughter]
Em Schulz: Look, I'm just here to enjoy the ride, you guys do everything you need to do.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Anyway, so Eva, uh, our wonderful producer has prepped some stories for us to read, and as always, we don't know them in advance, but I know she did try to look into petty crimes and said, we didn't really get many of those submissions, unfortunately. Um, but so we'll see what, what she has to, uh, bring to the table. But, um, I think she instructed me to go first. So I guess I'll go ahead and read one. Okay. So this is from Danielle. She/her, and it is called Mini-Murder Love Story. Okay.
Em Schulz: Okay.
Christine Schiefer: You don't talk about murder, but maybe mini-murder. I don't know. We'll see.
Trevin Bartee: Just a little.
Em Schulz: That's very on... That's very on brand. Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Feels petty ish.
Em Schulz: The real twist would be if, uh, at the end of this we realize that the two of them came on just because they wanted to hear us read stories they wrote. [laughter]
Trevin Bartee: Oh, that would've been a great twist.
Christine Schiefer: All of a sudden we just hear like a piano and we're like, where's that coming from?
Em Schulz: All of a sudden, like, Buster Bunny walks through and it's like...
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Presenting. Okay. This says, "Greetings ATWWD team one and all, in your recent episode, you were talking about family meet cutes. I wanted to share a mini true crime love story. Oh, my. My maternal great-grandfather was a physically giant man. So giant, in fact, he made a lot of money with his side hustle, bear knuckle boxing." [laughter]
Amanda Rose: Whoa.
Christine Schiefer: Remember, remember back in the day when that could just be a thing that you do as a side hustle?
[laughter]
Em Schulz: My, my hobby is punching people in the pace for... In the face for sport. Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: It's a, it was a hobby. Now it's like you're an entrepreneur, like...
Em Schulz: An athlete.
Christine Schiefer: He's actually, he's making, he's making money off this, off this hobby. Yeah.
Trevin Bartee: Isn't that what Abraham Lincoln did?
Em Schulz: That is.
Christine Schiefer: Oh yeah.
Em Schulz: Is that what? Did he do that?
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, he did.
Amanda Rose: Oh yeah. Abe was real buff.
Em Schulz: He would've had my vote just on that alone...
Christine Schiefer: You said that a little t-too excitedly. [laughter]
Amanda Rose: I, I probably am a little too excited.
Trevin Bartee: She has fond memories.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Oh yeah. Back in his day, it was something, um.
Em Schulz: Vote for me, or else! You know? [laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Probably would've worked. Uh, okay. "One night things got a little intense and he ended up killing his opponent in the ring." Oh, okay. Well.
Em Schulz: And it's sad.
Trevin Bartee: Not our story anymore.
Christine Schiefer: Nope. Not yours anymore. Piano has stopped. "Did I mention these were prohibition era underground boxing matches? No. Well, it's not super awesome to kill a dude in what is essentially a basement booze filled fight. He was promptly arrested and sentenced to prison in Pontiac, Illinois. His entire family moved there to be in the same town with him. Cut to my grandmother being in high school, still in Pontiac and meeting my grandfather. The rest is history. My grandmother and I had a deep connection and she contacted me when she died. But that's a story for another day. Just kidding. I'll tell you now." Wow. [laughter] That's the first time that's ever happened.
Amanda Rose: Whoa goody.
Em Schulz: We've never gotten that before.
Christine Schiefer: We get a lot of, uh, that's a story for another day. And it's so infuriating. 'cause we're like, no, we want it.
Em Schulz: But, you know we...
Christine Schiefer: Wow. This person...
Em Schulz: One, there was one month where we actually did a whole listeners episode where the topic or the theme was the stories that were for another day and had people...
[overlapping conversation]
Amanda & Trevin: Ohhh.
Christine Schiefer: All those, all those people who wrote in saying, oh, that's story for another day. We're like, well, yeah, we're gonna call your bluff, send it on in, it's time.
Amanda Rose: Well, you finally got it. This is, this is your time.
Christine Schiefer: It's your chance. [laughter] Here it goes. "That's a story for another day. Just kidding. I'll tell you now. She passed on my 22nd birthday. I remember waking up at 3:00 AM to throw up." Oh. "I had one drink that night because I had to drive so I wasn't shwammered. I was in the middle of an out of nowhere panic attack when I felt someone rubbing my back telling me that she was sorry she left today..."
Em Schulz: Oh my.
Christine Schiefer: "But she had to be with Joe. They missed each other too much and she was in too much pain to stay. She asked me to forgive her and through my tears and not understanding, I said I would always forgive her. She had always rubbed my back as I cried. Confused, I went back to bed and slept fitfully. Later that morning I got up to open cards my parents had brought up for me and in what was an extreme show of restraint, hadn't opened. As soon as they left my phone rang, it was my mom calling. She said, happy birthday, and asked what I was doing. I said, opening up my cards. I have grandmas in my hand. She responded, 'About that...'"
Em Schulz: Uh!
Christine Schiefer: "And I knew what had happened that morning was my grandmother giving up the fight and asking me to forgive her. Too long, didn't read my great-grandpa killed a dude, went to prison and his family followed, and that's where my grandparents met. And then my grandma died on my birthday, but she felt bad about it. So I'm not mad even though I'm a Leo. End of email."
Trevin Bartee: Oh wow.
Christine Schiefer: That was chaotic. [laughter]
Em Schulz: You know, that's a lot to put on someone who's already vomiting on their birthday is like to just show up and be like, I need you to forgive everything that's about to happen to you. It's a...
Christine Schiefer: But also. What a power move. 'cause you know that like they can't very well like stand up for themselves in that...
Em Schulz: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Like they're at their weakest right there.
Em Schulz: Yeah. That's true. That's true. And also, but imagine grandma showed up and like was ready to like have this big last final warm hug and just saw her grand kid like vomiting. It's like, ooh, this is a really awkward way, but we gotta do this conversation.
Christine Schiefer: It's like, now I gotta hold your hair back. I have other people to visit. [laughter]
Amanda Rose: Right. She's like, okay, suck it up and listen to this real quick. Okay.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: I don't have much to say.
Christine Schiefer: Happy birthday. But also...
Amanda Rose: Oh my goodness. That is really sweet though. I have to say. If that's like the thing that she remembered her grandmother doing, and then that happened. Oh my goodness.
Christine Schiefer: Oh yeah. The fact that she would rub her back. That's really nice. I wonder though, if grandma showed up and created the panic attack. 'cause it she said she only had one drink...
Amanda Rose: Right.
Christine Schiefer: So she didn't get sick from the drink. Did grandma show up and immediately like, I don't know.
Em Schulz: Stir her up. Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Stir. Stir something in the universe. I don't know. Um, but can I say like, I wonder, you know, it's, it's very, it's a mini-murder love story. He was sent at Pontiac and then her family met and then, yeah. But can you imagine if the guy who went to jail there died and then went to heaven and then they were like, oh, well your whole purpose was to bring your family to Pontiac. Like, I feel he'd be like, it couldn't that have happened another way?
Em Schulz: Right.
Christine Schiefer: I had to go to prison in Pontiac for this love story.
Amanda Rose: Right.
Christine Schiefer: I don't know. It's quite a, it's quite a, uh, it's, I don't know. I don't know what it is. It's um.
Amanda Rose: And they're a Leo. I mean...
Christine Schiefer: Romantic?
Amanda Rose: I took that away as well from the story.
Christine Schiefer: I took that as well. You can't forget that part. [laughter]
Em Schulz: I'm glad you held onto it.
Trevin Bartee: I just wanna say I feel like I lived like a whole life in just that TLDR. It felt like...
Christine Schiefer: I think that's what's happening.
Trevin Bartee: Scenes, rushing past. It happened. Everything happened so fast while you were saying that. I'm like, oh, and a Leo. Whoa.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Whoa, it's like their life flashed...
Trevin Bartee: Buckle up.
Christine Schiefer: Before our, our eyes. You know It's like... Maybe, honestly, Em, maybe we were not ready for story for another day to be today.
Em Schulz: I guess not 'cause it was...
Christine Schiefer: Like, maybe we just weren't ready.
Em Schulz: It was gonna be a a a lot of details and we had to be ready to grab 'em, but...
Christine Schiefer: Maybe we, this is a lesson. We should just...
Amanda Rose: It's a lesson learned.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. Let, let the story be for another day. No, just kidding. Thank you, um, so much. Danielle. I hope I said that earlier, Danielle, uh, for your story. Um, I love it and I'm so glad that you can see the, the beautiful romance of it all. Of the underground bar fight or whatever it was. [laughter]
[laughter]
Amanda Rose: It's beautiful, romantic.
Em Schulz: It's like I'm there. Yeah, yeah.
Amanda Rose: I mean, behind every bar brawl, there's a real love story, isn't there?
Christine Schiefer: There's a grandma who's gonna get laid and...
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Okay. Sorry. I didn't mean, nevermind. Okay.
Em Schulz: I mean, you didn't say anything untrue, so don't apologize totally.
Christine Schiefer: Thank you.
Em Schulz: All right. Now that we've talked about grandma getting it in, this time, let's do, um, let's go into, um, our next story, which is titled Moth Man. Um, and this is from...
Christine Schiefer: Moth Man?
Em Schulz: Lauren. Moth Man.
Christine Schiefer: Oh, okay, great.
Em Schulz: And this is from Lauren who uses She/her pronouns. Thank you for normalizing pronouns. And Lauren says, "Hello, I think I'm finally ready to tell my Moth Man story to you all. This story has sent chills down many spines. Christine, are you listening?" Christine is our in-house. Uh, uh, what's the right word?
Christine Schiefer: I have no idea what are...
Trevin Bartee: Spine chiller.
Em Schulz: Moth Man aficionado is the kindest way to put it...
Christine Schiefer: Oh oh oh.
Em Schulz: But also desperate for Moth Man to...
Christine Schiefer: Like simp. A little bit of a simp. Maybe...
Em Schulz: A simp yeah.
Christine Schiefer: I learned, I learned what that word was recently.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: If Christine, if Christine was, happened to go into a bar brawl and Moth Man was fighting, you know, the same kind of outcome might happen.
Christine Schiefer: If I happen to be a grandma in Pontiac, Illinois and Moth Man, then happened to be...
Amanda Rose: Then it could happen.
Christine Schiefer: A resident of Pontiac, Illinois. I'm just saying it's possible. [laughter]
Em Schulz: Well, if it's, if this story has sent chills down other spines, I'm already, everyone keep your eyes on Christine 'cause she might go into a, a panic attack herself.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: Um. "This story has sent chills down many spines, and I'm still afraid of Moth Man today. I can't even laugh at photos of Moth Man's juicy ass statue anymore."
Amanda Rose: Oh, that's a shame. That's a shame.
Christine Schiefer: I was gonna say, that's how you know things have gone south for you. [laughter] That's terribly sad.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: Lauren says, "I'll set the scene. I was house-sitting for a retired veterinarian and, uh, in the countryside outside of, uh, Potlatch, I... Potlatch Idaho. It was one of."
Christine Schiefer: What?
Em Schulz: What?
Christine Schiefer: Oh, I don't know. That's just the craziest bumpkin word.
Em Schulz: Potlatch is interesting.
Amanda Rose: Yeah, it's like Potlatch.
[overlapping conversation]
Em Schulz: I know it's Idaho, so it's already very Midwestern, but Potlatch just feels like the official name of something on a crock pot, which also feels very Midwestern. [laughter]
Trevin Bartee: Yes.
Amanda Rose: Yes. [laughter]
Christine Schiefer: It sure does.
Em Schulz: So very on brand. Uh, "It was one of those new moon nights with thick cloud coverage that made the shade of night as thick as a quilt. And I had just gotten into Webtoons and spent several hours just reading a comic on the couch with one of the cats." I think the cat's name is B... Baby Jesus.
Christine Schiefer: Wait, what? I.
Trevin Bartee: Oh my.
Em Schulz: Uh, it says.
Christine Schiefer: You think, or they think? [laughter]
Em Schulz: Maybe all of us are wondering because the sentence is, "I spent several hours just reading a comic on the couch with one of the cats. Comma, Baby Jesus." I think the cat's name is Baby Jesus.
Christine Schiefer: Okay.
Trevin Bartee: I love it.
Christine Schiefer: Listen, I love it. Right? Like.
Amanda Rose: I'll take it.
Christine Schiefer: It's a foolproof, foolproof name.
Em Schulz: A lot of cat owners worship their cats, so might as well just be direct about it.
Trevin Bartee: Mm-hmm.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: Um, "All of a sudden I got extremely paranoid. I felt like I was being watched, I was facing the window that looked out into the driveway and would've noticed any cars coming from at least a mile away. Then what I heard still haunts me. The, it was a loud whirling noise directly above the house with no warning. It sounded like a helicopter, as if the propellers were made of skin." What?! Am I, am I on drugs? What's going on? [laughter] So Baby Jesus, is there, a propeller suit of skin like we're in leather face's mansion. Okay, hang on.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: I did read that, right?
Amanda Rose: The writing, the writing of this email is actually very detailed and I, I have to say.
Em Schulz: It's Shakespearean.
Trevin Bartee: Yes.
Christine Schiefer: It is. It's intense.
Amanda Rose: I mean the night...
Trevin Bartee: I can smell the skin on the walls.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. You could basically smell the skin [laughter] gross.
Em Schulz: Uh, I did read that, right. Okay. Um, "It sound like a helicopter as if the propellers were made of skin."
Christine Schiefer: I feel bad 'cause this person was like, I can't laugh about this anymore. And we're like...
Em Schulz: And Lauren, how dare you think I know what propeller's made of skin sounds like, but I guess we're gonna work with it.
Christine Schiefer: But like, weirdly, I'm like, oh, I guess I could see it.
Amanda Rose: I think we all kind of know, though, deep down, right?
Christine Schiefer: Maybe it takes like a very mentally ill person to understand that. Um, I feel like...
Em Schulz: I feel like it's me.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. I think we kind of all get it.
Trevin Bartee: I'm in a great company.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. [laughter],
Em Schulz: She assumed and she was right too.
Christine Schiefer: She was right.
Em Schulz: I kind of got what she's going with. I, "I went to open the front door and the noise stopped. I froze and I don't know how long I stood there before I opened the door to peer outside. It was so dark I could barely see my car 20 feet away. I couldn't hear anything. So I went back inside, but I could not shake the feeling that I was still being watched. I decided to go upstairs and watch some TV to calm myself down. I smoked a little weed about an hour prior, so I thought that I was just paranoid. I got settled on, on the couch and felt my whole body go rigid and felt compelled to look out the window to my left, right outside the upstairs window was a pair of glowing red eyes."
Christine Schiefer: Uh oh.
Em Schulz: "I turned my head back and said, there's no fucking way." [laughter] I like to imagine at this point, Baby Jesus went, meow. Like, you're right... [laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Baby Jesus was like, I'm not that baby Jesus. I can't help you. I'm sorry.
Amanda Rose: I cannot save you.
Christine Schiefer: No.
Em Schulz: "I turned my head back and said, there's no fucking way. And looked again to see the eyes even closer to the window. I ran into the bathroom that did not have any windows and stood there completely frozen with Baby Jesus looking at me curiously. Uh, the window faced a completely empty field and there were no houses around for miles. I called my boss, who lived about 20 minutes away and begged her to come get me because I was terrified to go outside to my car by myself. When she got there, I didn't look out the window again and ran into her car, almost hyperventilating. I told her what I saw, uh, but I could just tell that she thought I was being paranoid. I barely slept that night and I told my friend, Brynn, the next day, who is the one that got me into your podcast. Uh, she demanded that I take her to the house to look around. And when we got there and looked in the tree next to the upstairs window and found several broken branches, we investigated the rest of the farmhouse and found nothing else outta the ordinary besides old newspapers with Hitler on them?" What is going on in this story?
Christine Schiefer: I feel like, I feel like, I feel like Eva heard Live, Laugh, Larceny, and was like...
Trevin Bartee: Oh my gosh.
Christine Schiefer: This seems like the moment to pull out the wildest fucking email to...
Em Schulz: I feel like Eva has a secret filing cabinet that just says things like Hitler and Baby Jesus crossover and just found a way to make it work.
[laughter]
Trevin Bartee: The crossover sensation of the summer.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Oh my God.
Trevin Bartee: Uh Hitler v Baby Jesus. This time it's personal.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Hitler and Baby Jesus in one property. This is wild.
Em Schulz: Uh, anyways, "I still freak out whenever I see red lights out a window and will forever wonder if it was Moth Man who visited me and what he was trying to warn me about. Do you two think I saw him?" Um, I got a lot of other questions before Moth Man breaking the branches in your tree, man. I don't know.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. Yeah. Wow. We have a lot of questions. I mean, okay. I, as somebody who has recently begun to partake more in the, the THC of it all, I feel like 10, 5, 10 years ago, I would've thought like, oh, well, maybe they're just smoking and like [laughter] smoking stuff.
Em Schulz: Smoking dope. Smoking the dope.
Trevin Bartee: Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: But I'm like, I, I feel like as much as it can make you like definitely paranoid a little bit, it can't really necessarily make you... Well, it could make you hallucinate, but it doesn't sound like they had enough to, to warrant like a full, uh I don't know Moth Man terror attack. I don't know.
Em Schulz: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: I don't know. What do you guys think?
Em Schulz: You guys think?
Amanda Rose: Uh, I mean, it's hard to tell, but I will agree as somebody who has, uh, definitely loved that THC is legal in Missouri now, umm, yeah. I don't think it, it would make a person just, you know, make up seeing Moth Man.
Christine Schiefer: It seems like hallucinations are, are a little extreme.
Amanda Rose: Yes.
Christine Schiefer: For what is not...
Amanda Rose: For sure.
Christine Schiefer: So if I'm remembering correctly, maybe this was a totally different story. I feel like they're all starting to blur together and there's only two so far, but, umm, is this one, that one...
[overlapping conversation]
Trevin Bartee: That one had a lot in it.
Amanda Rose: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: It's a lot happening. Is this the one where they were house sitting for a a, a vet?
Trevin Bartee: A retired doctor. A vet? Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Maybe that was one of the animal. Maybe they had like.
Amanda Rose: Aww.
Em Schulz: A giraffe. You just brought it home one day.
Christine Schiefer: A giraffe. Yeah, giraffe. I said velociraptor, giraffe is better 'cause it's real. It's alive right now. But, umm...
Em Schulz: You wanna say 'cause it's real. [laughter]
Christine Schiefer: 'Cause it's real. [laughter] Listen, uh, maybe it was a giraffe.
[overlapping conversation]
Amanda Rose: I mean...
Christine Schiefer: No prob... Probably not a giraffe. I dunno. I thought I'd throw it out there. Didn't seem like it resonated with anyone, so...
Trevin Bartee: Well also about the skin propellers?
Amanda Rose: I don't know.
Em Schulz: We haven't even...
Christine Schiefer: That was this stor?. Holy shit.
Em Schulz: I'm telling you that we, and you know what we said in the last story too, is that one also felt a little like whiplash. This one really feels like I got thrown off a cliff and from my car like that... [laughter]
Trevin Bartee: Yeah.
Em Schulz: This is skin propeller's, Baby Jesus, Hitler also somehow Moth Man is at the bottom of my priority list with the story.
Trevin Bartee: Exactly.
Christine Schiefer: I know. I know When they said, is that Moth Man, I'm like, uh, hello. Can we figure out where the Hitler newspapers came from? [laughter] And if the vet like knows that they're there. And also does the vet have anything to say about this animal in the tree? Ahh boy.
Amanda Rose: All good questions. All valid.
Christine Schiefer: All good questions.
Trevin Bartee: He sounds like a mad scientist.
Em Schulz: Oh, for sure.
Trevin Bartee: Not a vet.
Em Schulz: He does skin propellers.
Christine Schiefer: Actually. Skin propellers. No sane mind could come up with that. No offense Lauren.
Amanda Rose: I'm just saying. The writing, the writing on that email that was beautiful. The quilt of night. The quilt. Oh, that was.
Em Schulz: Oh yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Poet... It's poetic. Really?
Amanda Rose: I know.
Em Schulz: I feel like. Umm...
Amanda Rose: I think they were indulging when they wrote it. I think that's where that creativity in that.
Em Schulz: I thought the same.
Christine Schiefer: Maybe that's it you guys. Yeah. I see. I see you.
Amanda Rose: Mm-hmm.
Em Schulz: Because it was... You're totally right about the quilt. It felt like it was a gradual letting us know this was gonna be a wild time.
Christine Schiefer: Yes.
Em Schulz: Like a...
Christine Schiefer: Night as heavy as quilt. It's like or darkness. It's like, oh yeah we could all get behind that...
Em Schulz: I could've said it was dark, but that's not what's gonna happen here. So.
Amanda Rose: Exactly.
Christine Schiefer: That's not the vibe, that's not the aesthetic today.
Em Schulz: Uh, to answer your question, Lauren, I would like to believe that it's a Moth Man. I think it's very interesting that there are a bunch of broken branches in a tree where you did see something with glowing red eyes. That is freaky for sure.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. We're not just dis-dismissing that, I swear.
Em Schulz: But I don't know what it would be.
Christine Schiefer: I think it was a giraffe.
Em Schulz: I just have a lot of questions. I can't focus on that.
Trevin Bartee: I'm just glad you gotta outta that house.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, me too.
Em Schulz: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: I'm glad it's not your house. Like I'm glad that this was, at least you were just popping by, you know? Umm.
Em Schulz: I would suggest just not ever working there again.
Amanda Rose: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Hmm. Yeah.
Em Schulz: Just in case.
Christine Schiefer: Or maybe not, not smoking weed there, just in case.
Amanda Rose: Totally. It's not, it's not a safe space, you know.
Christine Schiefer: It's not a safe... That's exactly right. It's not a safe space. That's so important, you know? Uh, anyway. Well now we, we gotta invite Trevin and Amanda now to, to tell a story.
Amanda Rose: Oh my gosh. Can I please go next?
Em Schulz: Yes, please go next.
Christine Schiefer: Would whoever, whoever wants, I don't know. Duke it out. Bare knuckle box it out in the basement. [laughter]
Amanda Rose: I'm gonna Abraham Lincoln you Trevin. [laughter]
Trevin Bartee: Okay. I don't have anything to say to that. I'm just scared.
Christine Schiefer: Trevin got Ab'ed.
Amanda Rose: So [laughter] So I have a story and it is from Lizzie with she/her pronouns. And the subject is, my parents delivered flowers for a murderer.
Christine Schiefer: Oh no.
Em Schulz: Ooh.
Amanda Rose: I'm already intrigued. Okay, so here we go. Were.
Em Schulz: Where the flowers madee of skin or... [laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Skin flowers. You can just hear them. [laughter]
Trevin Bartee: Wrapped in Hitler pictures. [laughter]
Amanda Rose: So it says, "Hello everyone, pets, people, and lemons. My name is Lizzie. She/her and I have been a listener for a very long time. And finally saw you guys live last year in Boston. I felt I was finally meeting my longtime friends. Anyway, here's my story. My parents owned a flower shop for a long time. They had a regular," it says costumer, but... I'm assuming that's customer. Oh.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Oh. But that would be a fun twist. Okay. As hey, as a resident, like review reader, uh, of Yelp as a resident Yelp reader. Costumer almost always means customer it's a very...
Amanda Rose: Is it? Okay.
Christine Schiefer: Yes because people like switch the vowels and it's hard to tell.
Em Schulz: You know like you would know, you would know from all those reviews.
Christine Schiefer: Unfortunately I sure would. Um there was a time where I...
Em Schulz: What a weird skill that you developed.
Christine Schiefer: I... It's a weird I skill. There was a time where I would say costumer and Sandy and I would have a hardy chuckle. It's no longer funny because it just happens so often that we're like, okay, they mean customer.
Amanda Rose: Oh my goodness. Okay. Well.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. Fun fact. That's a common misspelling.
Amanda Rose: Fun fact.
Christine Schiefer: Sorry to put you on the spot, Lizzie.
Amanda Rose: Yeah. Sorry. I just called out your spelling like I...
Christine Schiefer: No. No, but, but you know what?
Amanda Rose: I am not a good speller.
Christine Schiefer: Her parents, parents' flower shop. Her parents flower shop coulda had a costumer. Who knows?
Amanda Rose: A costumer, a customer. Okay.
Christine Schiefer: Maybe I'm wrong. [laughter]
Amanda Rose: So, umm, they had a regular customer. "He and his wife frequented the shop. The husband was a well-known doctor in our town. My mom noticed at times the wife would come in with bruises and she would try to talk to the wife, but also felt it was not her place to pry as years, as years went on the couple separated." That's good.
Christine Schiefer: Uh, yeah. It sounds dark...
Em Schulz: So far I'm on board. Yeah.
Amanda Rose: I'm glad they did that.
Christine Schiefer: Mm-hmm.
Amanda Rose: Uh, "one day my dad got a phone call at the shop. It was the husband."
Christine Schiefer: [gasp]
Amanda Rose: "He was asking my dad to deliver a dozen roses within the hour to his estranged wife. He was very insistent despite the delivery address being at least 30 minutes away. My dad thought about it and agreed asking that he just pay an extra delivery fee for the rush. The husband agreed. Later that day, my mom was watching the news to her shock and horror, the husband was on the news for murdering his estranged wife."
Em Schulz: Oh my God.
Christine Schiefer: [gasp]
Amanda Rose: "The husband had sent roses to his estranged wife and then later that day shot her point blank with a shotgun."
Christine Schiefer: [gasp]
Amanda Rose: "My mom was distraught. She had thought he wanted to send the flowers to get back together with his wife. She never would've imagined this..."
Christine Schiefer: Jesus.
Amanda Rose: Heavy, heavy, heavy. "The next day, my parents were contacted by the police to write an affidavit, stating what happened when they took the order. My mom still tells the story from time to time. It really shook her up because they knew him for so long and would not have expected this. When my dad talks about it, he tells me that when my mom was on the phone with the police about the affidavit, he asked that the husband when he was going to be paying his bill. I am not sure if my dad ever got paid for that delivery. I worked at the shop until my dad closed it and have some pretty funny stories. And thankfully none like this happened when I was a toddler or, or thankfully none like this. This happened when I was a toddler."
[laughter]
Em Schulz: Oh, okay. Sorry about that.
Christine Schiefer: Holy shit. You had one era of childhood that was...
Amanda Rose: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Safe and free of murder.
Amanda Rose: I was like, oh. Oh my goodness. Uh. And then it says...
Christine Schiefer: From four on, it was fucking wild, wild west out there. Yeah. [laugghter]
Amanda Rose: Yeah. My bad. And then it says, umm. "I love you guys. I'm gonna be so excited if you read this story on the show. PS I don't wanna give away my location, so please don't read this, oh, part on the show." Okay.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: You got it dude.
Amanda Rose: She, she wanted to tell you something, Christine.
Christine Schiefer: Okay. I'm gonna, I'm gonna scroll down and see. Umm. Ba, ba, ba. Aha. Okay. Copy paste. It's a suggestion for a future story. So, uh for everybody who's curious.
Amanda Rose: Okay. [laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Umm. I will, I will bookmark that. Thank you. Now, Amanda. That was like we gave you like the ultimate pop quiz. Like do this one right.
Em Schulz: Yeah we did not warn you for that sorry.
Christine Schiefer: We didn't warn you. I'm sorry.
Amanda Rose: No, no, no. I'm sorry I was trying to keep up, but my goodness. So that is a crazy, crazy story about the flowers and then seeing it on the news and like...
Em Schulz: Ooh.
Amanda Rose: Were the roses sent as like a...
Christine Schiefer: That's what I wonder.
Amanda Rose: Way to get her to come outside. That's heartbreaking.
Christine Schiefer: So, oh ew, ew...
Em Schulz: I didn't think about that.
Amanda Rose: Or something like that. I don't know...
Em Schulz: You really do write a good story, umm...
Christine Schiefer: Wow. You and Trevin start the music.
Trevin Bartee: Wah, Wah, Wah.
Em Schulz: We're tiny. We're toony, we're all a little loony.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Nevermind Em's got this one. Trevin, turn down the volume. Em's got it. Uh. Wow. That is bananas. I feel like. Uh. Wow. You really just kind of threw me for a loop, Amanda, with your like, maybe that's how... They were brought.
Em Schulz: Yeah. He would've been trying to lure her out or it would've like left... He obviously would've wanted her to see them in some way.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. Yeah. It was like a message or something. I wonder... Well.
Em Schulz: Right.
Christine Schiefer: You guys would have no way of knowing this. Neither would anybody else. Uh. But Em and I just recorded an episode before this and umm Em told a story about somebody who died and when their body was found, she was like, holding a rose. And I was like, I wonder the symbolism of that. So...
Amanda Rose: Right.
Christine Schiefer: I don't know. Uh. It's just a little weird. Umm.
Amanda Rose: I know, maybe I jump to conclusions, but with the stories that we usually do, there's not a lot of detail. It's just like a weird headline. So we have to draw our own conclusions...
Christine Schiefer: And then you get to fill in the blanks.
Amanda Rose: Yes.
Em Schulz: Yeah. Genius.
Amanda Rose: So for me, I was like, whoa, is that? I don't know, who knows.
Christine Schiefer: Piece it together. Well, we try to fill in the blanks and we aren't quite as talented at it.
Em Schulz: I mean, I do think at the very least he was getting flowers to like leave at her door for her to open the door and then he could grab her. Or maybe he really thought he could just go up and hand them to her and she would take him back or something. I don't know.
Amanda Rose: Right.
Christine Schiefer: I mean, it sounds like that, I mean, the fact, yeah. Especially because the fact that they had to ha... Get an affidavit from the florist...
Amanda Rose: Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: Which means it was at least relevant enough that the police knew that delivery had happened that day.
Amanda Rose: Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: Ew.
Amanda Rose: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: That's so sad. I feel bad for the mom too, for Lizzie's mom who felt like really...
Amanda Rose: The guilt of it? That is sad.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Amanda Rose: She's like, I wouldn't have sent these flowers of, you know, I didn't wanna be a part of that.
Em Schulz: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, yeah. That's too bad. That's...
Amanda Rose: But it's not her fault, my goodness.
Christine Schiefer: No, no, no. Definitely not.
Em Schulz: I don't think anyone's thinking about, about that story and going that fucking florist.
Amanda Rose: Right.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Em Schulz: You know, you know you let's look at that.
Christine Schiefer: If only... Yeah. I feel like people like that already have their mind made up and are, you know?
Trevin Bartee: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Gonna do...
[overlapping conversation]
Trevin Bartee: It feels premeditated when there's...
Christine Schiefer: For sure.
Trevin Bartee: Yeah.
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm. Ugh.
Christine Schiefer: All right, Trevin. Yeah. You got a big, big shoes to fill here for...
Trevin Bartee: Yeah, I do.
Amanda Rose: Let's see if you can spell it all out correctly Trevin.
[laughter]
Trevin Bartee: Well, this, this listener story comes from a listener who has a name that I can spell and they're calling themselves A.
Christine Schiefer: Oh, perfect. Easy enough.
Trevin Bartee: She/her.
Christine Schiefer: Okay.
Trevin Bartee: Uh. Subject is a brief compilation of my patient's psychopomps.
Christine Schiefer: Oh, my...
Trevin Bartee: ICU edition.
Christine Schiefer: Oh my.
Em Schulz: Interesting. Do you, do you all know what a psychopomp is?
Christine Schiefer: Does anyone remember? Em you probably remember.
Trevin Bartee: I don't know that.
Em Schulz: So a psychopomp is, uh, the, the category of spirit that like the grim reaper falls into where it's like a...
Amanda Rose: Whoa.
Em Schulz: A spirit guide helping you cross over in some way or...
Christine Schiefer: Ah-haa.
Em Schulz: Helping you adjust to death. Umm. So the grim reaper is a psychopomp.
Christine Schiefer: So they're like in that sort of like that transitional state of like bringing from life to death. Okay. Okay. Okay.
Amanda Rose: Okay.
Trevin Bartee: Would the...
Christine Schiefer: That's.
Trevin Bartee: The first ghost in the Christmas Carol be like that?
Em Schulz: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Ohh yeah.
Trevin Bartee: Okay.
Christine Schiefer: Definitely.
Amanda Rose: Yes. Making it relatable. Thank you Trevin.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. Making it relatable in Mar, March 1st Christmas Carol Reference.
[laughter]
Trevin Bartee: All right. "Hi Em, Christine, Eva, all Human fur Fruit Babies. My name is..."
Christine Schiefer: And Live, Laugh, Larceny host.
Trevin Bartee: Oh yeah. And me too. Us. [laughter]
Christine Schiefer: And you guys. [laughter]
Trevin Bartee: "My name is A And you guys actually read one of my previous submissions in the August listeners episode."
Christine Schiefer: Oh.
Trevin Bartee: "I was the one who had my dead patient spirit follow me home."
Em Schulz: Oh, great.
Trevin Bartee: "An update..."
Em Schulz: Hope you're well.
Trevin Bartee: "He has crossed, he has crossed the bridge onto better things than my two bedroom apartment." Yay.
Em Schulz: Oh, good. Okay.
Christine Schiefer: Oh, excellent. I'm so happy to hear it.
Amanda Rose: Victory.
Trevin Bartee: "This is sort of long, so bear with me here." Thank you.
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm.
[laughter]
Trevin Bartee: "I'm an ICU nurse and listen to your podcast on my way home from work to de to de-stress. Something about hauntings and murders are really just zen to me and every other listener, you know. Anyways, I just finished the episode where Em does a breakdown on psychopomps. I've never really heard of psychopomps before. I grew up very painfully Christian and really had no idea what they were until Em talked about it on the episode. As they were explaining psychopomps, something in my stomach started feeling weird. I was uncomfortable and didn't really know why. And then it clicked, as an ICU nurse I've been in the same room with several psychopomps who have helped my patients cross over."
Christine Schiefer: [gasp]
Em Schulz: Mmm.
Trevin Bartee: "But I didn't know what they were at the time. Freaky. Right?"
Em Schulz: Right.
Amanda Rose: I would say so.
Em Schulz: Yes.
Trevin Bartee: Given my job...
Christine Schiefer: What, what did the youth say? Bet. [laughter]
Amanda Rose: Bet. [laughter]
Trevin Bartee: I was just gonna say glizzy, but I don't think that makes sense.
Christine Schiefer: What's that? Is that...
Em Schulz: Isn't glizzy a gun?
Trevin Bartee: It's a fancy word for a hot dog.
Amanda Rose: What?
Christine Schiefer: A gun.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: What am I thinking of?
Christine Schiefer: This is, I don't know, a Glock? This is a hilarious conversation.
Em Schulz: A Glock. Glizzies and Glocks. That's, you know...
Christine Schiefer: Hot dogs and guns. Yeah. My favorite combo.
Trevin Bartee: My sister's name's Elizabeth, so sometimes they call her Glizzy Lizzie. [laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Glizzy Lizzie. Wait, that's actually very cute. [laughter]
Trevin Bartee: "Given my job unfortunately, I do have several patients who step into the next life while in our unit. Looking back, almost every single patient I have lost has mentioned seeing someone, something, or most commonly a childhood pet who is welcoming, who is welcoming them to move on."
Christine Schiefer: [gasp] Childhood Pet.
Em Schulz: What's it like to know that all of your pets are just psychopomps in the making?
[overlapping conversation]
Amanda Rose: Awww.
Christine Schiefer: Gio is out there right now bitching at me through the door, and I'm ready to make him a psychopomp. So you know what?
Em Schulz: What's it like to know that the dog, that you just hate half the time...
Christine Schiefer: Do you know what? This fucking door is, this door is open. I was about to go open the door and then I looked over. It's open. He's just sitting there bitching at me because he's hungry and wants a treat.
Em Schulz: You mean your escort to the other side one day is bitching. What?
Christine Schiefer: Escort to Hell has something to complain about.
Amanda Rose: You better feed that escort.
Christine Schiefer: Pay the toll, pay the troll toll.
Amanda Rose: Pay the troll toll.
Em Schulz: Sorry, Trevin.
Trevin Bartee: Oh you're all good.
Christine Schiefer: Sorry, okay.
Trevin Bartee: I was just trying to figure out if that was like a merch opportunity or something like f-future psychopomps or something. Oh.
Christine Schiefer: Future Psycho. Oh...
Amanda Rose: You guys have to do it.
Em Schulz: Eva write that down.
Christine Schiefer: Let's remind, let's remind everybody by putting a sweater on our dogs that they're going to die before us. That would be a great merch idea guys.
Em Schulz: See it's... That's the, that's the hard thing about our type of true crime entertainment is like how do we make this funny all the way through...
Amanda Rose: Exactly.
Em Schulz: Because it always has a bad route...
Christine Schiefer: That's why you guys found like, I mean, genius. Genius.
Em Schulz: Genius. You must sleep so much better at night. Anyway. Um, Trevin.
Trevin Bartee: Pretty well actually. Yeah. Okay um, the passing. Moving on. Okay. "One of the most memorable was a patient I had who was very, very close to passing. The room was very quiet and solemn and all of a sudden she opened her eyes super wide, smiled and said, Eleanor, you made it."
Christine Schiefer: [gasp]
Trevin Bartee: "The patient passed immediately after. This made her family laugh and cry really hard, and they told me that Eleanor was the patient's daughter who had passed in childhood 20 years ago."
Em Schulz: Shut up.
Christine Schiefer: That was her daughter.
Trevin Bartee: And they actually wrote "cue waterworks."
Amanda Rose: No, seriously.
Em Schulz: For sure.
Amanda Rose: Oh my God.
Christine Schiefer: Ahhh. Oh I'm following the, the stage directions.
Trevin Bartee: "A few weeks later I had a patient who is actively passing but, but kept asking me to pull up an extra chair at the side of his bed. I found one for him and brought it in, but nobody in the room..."
Christine Schiefer: Did they sit on it and they were like, no, it's not for you. Get off. It's not for you.
Trevin Bartee: Get out of that chair.
Christine Schiefer: Get out.
Trevin Bartee: Uh. "But nobody in the room needed a chair, so it sat empty or so I thought. The family was prodding the patient and asked him why he needed the extra chair. The patient said, Gwen is here. I imagine she'll want to sit because of her knees. We're, we're just going to talk for a bit and then we will go. This cute little, this cute little pepaw had asked me for a chair..."
Christine Schiefer: Pepaw.
Em Schulz: Pepaw.
Trevin Bartee: I guess that's just...
Amanda Rose: Trevin's like this cute little pepaw. [laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Am I required to say those words, this cute little pepaw?
Trevin Bartee: It does sound very whimsical, but I just wanted.
Christine Schiefer: It sounds, to be honest, very Missouri to me.
Amanda Rose: It does.
Christine Schiefer: I'm just, I'm just saying.
Amanda Rose: Hey, pepaw.
Christine Schiefer: Memaw. Pepaw and memaw.
Trevin Bartee: The biggest twist of this all is that I actually did call my grandpa pepaw, and it just feels really uncomfortable. It like feels weird to say it as an adult.
Christine Schiefer: Oh, Trevin, oh my God. Oh, my God.
Amanda Rose: Trevin.
Christine Schiefer: It's to close to home.
Trevin Bartee: No, I'm just... It just didn't... I've never seen it spelled out. I just don't... I don't think I could read back when he was... When I was... When he was alive. So I've just never really seen it spelled out before.
Em Schulz: Oh, my gosh.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, it is kind of a weird way. Is it... Is it like P-E-P-A-W?
Trevin Bartee: Yep.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Trevin Bartee: P-E-P-A-W.
Christine Schiefer: 'Cause like... Yeah, I feel like memaw. I mean, I don't know.
Trevin Bartee: Yeah. Memaw was his wife. Yep.
Christine Schiefer: Really? You had a pepaw and a memaw, that's so cute.
Trevin Bartee: Yeah. She...
Amanda Rose: That's adorable.
Em Schulz: So like we just roasted your grandparents who have passed apparently. We like...
Christine Schiefer: No, I love the...
Em Schulz: Pepaw, memaw.
Christine Schiefer: No, no.
[laughter]
Amanda Rose: He's totally fine.
[laughter]
Trevin Bartee: I think I was the first grandkid, so it was probably me who made the names up honestly.
Christine Schiefer: It's a great name. I've been trying to get my mother-in-law to be memaw for the longest time, and she has a mug that says, Mother F... Best Mother F-ing Memaw. And I'm like...
Amanda Rose: I love.
Christine Schiefer: And she was like, no, I'm Grammy, and I was like, wait, let's go back to memaw.
[overlapping conversation]
Em Schulz: Give me back the fucking mug.
Christine Schiefer: But she's from Missouri.
Trevin Bartee: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Give me that mug back. Yeah. But she's from Missouri, so I figure, you know, she, she seemed to take to it pretty well, so.
Amanda Rose: Oh yeah.
Trevin Bartee: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: So, just saying.
Trevin Bartee: Yeah. I wonder if my mom will be a memaw?
Christine Schiefer: Hmm.
Amanda Rose: My parents are Gigi and Papa, so.
Christine Schiefer: Gigi is a classic.
Amanda Rose: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, Gigi's a classic.
Em Schulz: My mom swears she wants to be Nanny. And then she says 'cause it makes her feel young, and I'm like, that's not right. That's...
Christine Schiefer: That's... That's kind of... Okay. [laughter]
Em Schulz: Those go against each other. Well, both of her grandmas were Nannies, so I think she wants to be like a nanny and it's her name.
Christine Schiefer: I mean, Nanny is a cute one.
Amanda Rose: Yeah, that is cute. I just never thought of that one.
Em Schulz: But for...
Christine Schiefer: I wanna call her Fran Drescher.
Amanda Rose: Right.
Em Schulz: You know, that would be more accurate.
Christine Schiefer: Actually, pretty apt for...
Em Schulz: Nanny Franny.
Amanda Rose: That would work.
Christine Schiefer: Nanny Fran. Love it.
Amanda Rose: Oh, classic.
Christine Schiefer: Okay. Sorry. Trevin, we, we have derailed you 85,000 times. Umm...
Em Schulz: Yeah, this person's in the middle of their grandfather actively passing and we're just laughing.
Christine Schiefer: Well, it's not their grandfather, it's their patient, but...
Em Schulz: Oh, the patient. The patient, the patient.
Trevin Bartee: Still, it's true.
Christine Schiefer: Still close. Still not... Still not fun. Anyway.
Trevin Bartee: I'll start back at the cute little Pepaw.
Amanda Rose: Okay. Thank you for that.
Trevin Bartee: "This cute little Pepaw had asked me for a chair for his wife that he lost two years prior due to COVID. She had arthritic knees and even on his deathbed, he wanted to make sure she could sit and take a rest before, before helping him cross to be with her."
Christine Schiefer: Aww.
Trevin Bartee: "Cue waterworks again. I have also had several occasions where patients start petting the blankets on their bed saying that their childhood dog, cat, or even guinea pig came to help them move on. It's such a surreal experience."
Christine Schiefer: [gasp]
Trevin Bartee: "Not knowing anything about psychopomps previously, I can say that I have a new perspective and maybe even feel comforted in the fact that it seems to be at least someone who comes to help you at the end of your life on earth."
Christine Schiefer: Aww.
Trevin Bartee: "This was one of my sweeter stories. Next time I'll have to write in our ICU Room 5 and angry spirits that live there. Or the ghost in my parent's house that gave my mother a concussion. But those stories, as I'm sure you've assumed by now, are for another time." Ominous music.
Christine Schiefer: And then it goes, just kidding here they are. No, I can't take it. I can't take another one.
Trevin Bartee: No. If there was a second one, I'd be covering it right now. I'd be like, there is another...
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. You'd be on it already. Wow. Okay. Wow. Wow, wow. Okay. Psychopomps. Em, I'm so glad you reminded me, because I know you talked about psychopomps and I kind of jokingly was like, oh, I've heard of that, but I... I guess I didn't totally get it.
Em Schulz: Yeah. I feel like in my episode it like almost normalized the grim reaper because he seems like such a standalone, almost like villain.
Christine Schiefer: That's...
Em Schulz: That like he's just...
Christine Schiefer: I think it was we talked so much about the grim re... Was that the topic you did that day?
Em Schulz: Yeah. It was grim reaper/psychopomps one in general.
Christine Schiefer: Oh, okay. Okay. 'Cause I think it didn't occur to me it could be a fucking guinea pig also.
Em Schulz: Yeah. Which by the way, was everyone else busy, only your guinea pig had a free day? Like, like come get you?
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: You're like, Edna? No, just your fucking guinea pig from third grade.
Em Schulz: I've... I've seen a meme before where it's like, imagine being the little kids in the orphanage and the parents come and they buy Stuart Little instead of adopting you. Like they just get a fucking mouse.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: A fucking rodent. Yeah.
Em Schulz: They choose a mouse over you. And it's like, imagine you're dying. [laughter] And the only person who thought it was important to come collect you was your guinea pig.
Christine Schiefer: You're right. Your little rodent. Um. Yeah. That's crap.
Amanda Rose: It's like who's there? And it's like, it's Scruffles. It's like what?
Em Schulz: Scruffles.
Christine Schiefer: No, not Scruffles. At least the family dog. No, he was busy.
Em Schulz: Even he had things to do.
Trevin Bartee: Is that you grandma? No. Grandma's got...
Christine Schiefer: Is that you memaw? Memaw is that you?
Trevin Bartee: Grandma's got Eras tour tickets. Sorry. [laughter]
Em Schulz: You know, I am curious though about... I'm curious about memaw's knees, because you would think in the afterlife, like maybe her knees didn't hurt anymore and like.
Christine Schiefer: Well so... So maybe, maybe he didn't know. 'Cause it sounded like he said he was like preparing a chair for her. Maybe he didn't... Like maybe she hadn't arrived yet, right? And he was like, oh, she's coming and she might wanna sit.
Em Schulz: I saw a uh... Christine already knows the story but I... One of the first ghosts I ever saw was my grandpa and I saw him and my cousin saw him separately. And both times we saw him with both of his legs and he was an amputee, so.
Christine Schiefer: Right, right, right.
Amanda Rose: It is... Oh.
Em Schulz: It is interesting. It's like, oh, so you just like recollect all the limbs when you get somewhere else? Like a sponge...
Christine Schiefer: Magnetically.
Amanda Rose: And was... Was he older? Like when you saw him as a ghost?
Em Schulz: He... Yeah, he... I was... I was so young. I don't know if I knew how much younger he looked, but he looked like a young old, if that makes sense. Like he was like a fine 50, 60.
Amanda Rose: Interesting.
Christine Schiefer: He probably maybe like middle of life. Yeah. I feel like the one that I've heard the most often, umm, is that people... Is like a middle age, kind of like in the prime of your like adulthood sort of.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Em Schulz: I feel like I'm surprised by that, 'cause I would think like you get to pick like whatever age you remember being the happiest or you want your spirit to reflect or something.
Christine Schiefer: Maybe that is.
Em Schulz: Something cool. I don't know.
Christine Schiefer: That probably is it. I mean, I think that would be it. I feel like I'm a lot, I mean, I don't know. I speak for myself only, I guess, but I feel like in my 30s, I am much happier at this point in my life than like 21. Like I don't wanna be 20. I don't wanna live as a 21-year-old ever again.
Amanda Rose: I don't wanna be a 21-year-old ghost. That would be way too wild.
Christine Schiefer: Hell, no.
Em Schulz: You guys just like...
Christine Schiefer: So I mean maybe...
Em Schulz: Breaking things in someone's bar, trying to get like a solo cup, like just...
Christine Schiefer: I'm wearing like the Forever 21 shirt and it keeps falling and I'm like trying to safety pin it. It's like, it's just too much work. I don't know.
Trevin Bartee: And all you can do is make Facebook statuses that are just really emo lyrics.
Christine Schiefer: Oh My God. And it says like, Christine is...
Em Schulz: Yeah. Christine, can you show them your shirt currently?
Christine Schiefer: No.
Amanda Rose: What does it say? Let us see.
Em Schulz: Show them what you're wearing.
Christine Schiefer: It says, someone in Fallout Boy loves me. And it's true. And it's real.
Amanda Rose: Oh, I love it. It's true.
Christine Schiefer: It's not, it's not a phase, it's real life.
Amanda Rose: Hey, that's okay.
Em Schulz: It is a lifelong phase.
Christine Schiefer: It's a lifelong phase. It's a lifelong trauma or whatever. Umm. Oh wait, no, that was from a different episode that we just recorded. Sorry. Cut that out, Jack. That inside joke won't land with anyone 'cause it happened before Amanda and Trevin even got on the call. Wow.
Trevin Bartee: Before we were even born.
Christine Schiefer: When you were a sparkle in my eye, a twinkle in my eye. Um.
Amanda Rose: I'm pretty sure, aren't we older than you? I'm sure.
Christine Schiefer: No, I don't know. I don't know. You seem more youthful. You seem more with it than I am, so I just assume. I just assume.
Trevin Bartee: Well, I don't have kids.
Em Schulz: Me either.
Christine Schiefer: Oh, yeah.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Maybe you guys are the youthful ones then. I don't know.
Amanda Rose: Yes.
Em Schulz: I'm the Trevin of And That's Why We Drink and you're the Em of Live, Laugh, Larceny. And...
Amanda Rose: That's exactly...
Em Schulz: I gotta tell you, not having kids...
Christine Schiefer: I'm the... Wait.
Em Schulz: It's a good time.
Christine Schiefer: Hold on. You're... Say it again. You're the... Sorry. Oh, you're the Trevin of And That's Why We Drink? I'm?
Em Schulz: That's the truth. You're the Amanda.
Christine Schiefer: Oh, no. And Amanda is the Christine of Live, Laugh, Larceny?
Amanda Rose: I'll take it.
Trevin Bartee: Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: Whatever.
Amanda Rose: Did you know my middle name is Kristine?
Christine Schiefer: It is not. Really?
Amanda Rose: It's with... It's with a K though. So I know... Boo.
Em Schulz: Just kidding.
Christine Schiefer: Boo. You can boo. It's fine.
Christine Schiefer: No, no. Now that I live in Kentucky, every time I say Christine, people are like K-R-I and I'm like, no.
Amanda Rose: Oh.
Christine Schiefer: It's like, I feel like certain cities are like, oh, C-H and I'm like, yes.
Amanda Rose: Interesting.
Christine Schiefer: Kentucky, they're K... They're K. I mean, I guess it's Kentucky.
Amanda Rose: They just think everything needs to start with a K. Interesting.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, yeah.
Em Schulz: You know what's so weird?
Trevin Bartee: It doesn't start with a K, F or a C, I don't want it.
Christine Schiefer: I don't like it. That's what Em always says.
Em Schulz: You know what's wild is my middle name is Trevin.
Trevin Bartee: Oh, hell.
Christine Schiefer: Although that would be something.
Em Schulz: That would be absolutely, uh... This would be kismet if that was the situation.
Trevin Bartee: No, that would blow my mind away.
Christine Schiefer: Oh. Oh boy.
Em Schulz: Okay.
Christine Schiefer: Okay Em...
Em Schulz: I think it's Your turn again, Christine.
Christine Schiefer: Oh, you're right. You're a 100% right. Okay. This one is called Mysterious Wooden Box on the dining room table-Open at your own risk which really does sound like a Fallout Boy song title.
Trevin Bartee: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: It's very long. It has a lot of punctuation, so. And weirdly enough, the entire email is like 10 lines, so I feel like it's... It is like Fall Out Boy the song.
Em Schulz: So is it lyrics? Is that what we're getting to?
Christine Schiefer: It might be a song. Hold on. Trevin, play me in. No, just kidding.
Trevin Bartee: Yeah, play Em in.
Christine Schiefer: Please don't make me sing. It's gonna be bad for everybody. Okay.
Trevin Bartee: Don't make me sing.
Christine Schiefer: Don't make me sing. Oh me, little old me. Okay. This is... Wow. Okay. Preferred name and pronouns. Stuart. Okay. Em...
Em Schulz: Little? Oh my God.
Trevin Bartee: Not a, not that little bastard.
Christine Schiefer: Sorry.
Trevin Bartee: Little?
Christine Schiefer: Formerly orphaned Stuart Little. I have... My pronouns are formerly orphaned.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: That does sound like a Fall Out Boy line.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: I guess it's about time that I tell you I do have a box of wine here and I did... I've been very ill for a week, so I haven't had any wine in a week, so, umm.
Trevin Bartee: Oh my...
Christine Schiefer: If I'm acting little bit...
Amanda Rose: You drink that wine please.
Christine Schiefer: If I'm acting a little bit, uh, loosey goosey. That's why. Umm, I will also Em's have... Em's like not loving it. Okay. Uh, uh, I will also add real quick that, uh.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: I have a quick question Em.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: And I feel like I can.
Em Schulz: I'm sorry. I'm still on formerly orphaned...
Amanda Rose: No, seriously. I'm still there too.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: I'm getting.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: It's not funny. And there's other people here, so like I can't keep going the way that I usually would. I have to keep it together. What's your question?
Christine Schiefer: You don't have to do anything. They're trapped. They can't...
[laughter]
Amanda Rose: We're trapped in this call. And you can do whatever you want.
Christine Schiefer: You can literally do whatever you want.
Em Schulz: What were you saying, Christine? What was your question?
Christine Schiefer: Okay, so I feel like I should scream for Eva, but maybe not. I'll ask you what you think, Em. Umm, uh, it says preferred name and pronouns and they wrote their full first and last name. Do I say the whole thing?
[laughter]
Em Schulz: No.
Christine Schiefer: No. Okay. It says preferred name and it's quite a name. So I thought maybe like, they want like the pomp, psychopomp and circumstance surrounding the name.
Amanda Rose: If you don't say the last name, we're just gonna think it's Stuart Little though at this point.
Christine Schiefer: You're right. That's part of the problem.
Em Schulz: I think. Should we just go with Stuart Little now at this point?
Christine Schiefer: Just, yeah. Okay. Stuart.
Em Schulz: Okay.
Christine Schiefer: Uh, well, apparently according to Em and Amanda, we are rejecting your preferred name and pronouns and calling you Stuart Little only.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: I just don't triangulate them. That's the only reason for their safety.
Christine Schiefer: Okay, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine. This is Stuart. He/him. Thank you Stuart. Uh, I I just want you to know Stuart, that I appreciate your beautiful hyphenated last name. I think it's like quite a powerhouse of a name, so I'll just put that out there.
Amanda Rose: Ooh.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. Mysterious wooden box on the dining room table. Open at your own risk. "Heads up." That's how this email begins. "Heads up."
Em Schulz: Okay.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: This, "this story is not paranormal in any way." Uh, okay. Hold on. I feel like I have to.
Em Schulz: What are we doing here then? Okay.
Christine Schiefer: I don't know. I don't know. We'll find out. Crime maybe. I don't know. "Heads up this story is not paranormal in any way, but is 100% true and so still worth telling." You gotta love when people, uh, insist that their story is gonna be worth telling.
Amanda Rose: Right. They're like, stick with me.
Em Schulz: Hey, it got on the show.
Amanda Rose: Stick with me.
Christine Schiefer: I was gonna say stick with me. It'll be worth it. Uh, "in the early 2000s I was a grad student at the University of Toronto." BTW, Em and I are going there. Oh wait, it'll be over by the time this comes out. Nevermind. I was gonna say buy tickets.
Em Schulz: Old news.
Christine Schiefer: Old news. Umm, hope you were there, Stuart Little. It would be great to see you or not see you since you're so small.
Em Schulz: We wouldn't have been able to see you. You're so small.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Poor guy. Okay. Uh, "it was a grad student at the University of Toronto, living with three roommates at graduate house residence. One night I came home after a long day and night in the lab to find a mysterious wooden box sitting on our dining room table." I mean, this really sounds like Jumanji already. I'm so excited... [laughter]
Amanda: [Jumanji thumping vocalization]
Christine Schiefer: [laughter] Hey Trevin someone's coming for your spot.
Trevin Bartee: I know I'm getting dethroned.
Christine Schiefer: Your musical... [laughter]
[overlapping conversation]
Christine Schiefer: "My first thought was, I have got to take a look, but then my gut kicked in and said, leave it alone."
Em Schulz: Mm.
Christine Schiefer: So I feel like that was your guardian angel. Maybe.
Em Schulz: Your psychopomp. Your guinea pig. Your Stuart Little.
Christine Schiefer: Your psychopomp was like, don't fucking, we're not ready yet.
Amanda Rose: Yep.
Christine Schiefer: "So I went to bed box untouched the next morning talking with my roommates I found out one of them was studying anatomy. And so had brought home a specimen for further study. If I had opened that box alone and in the darkness the night before, I would've found a human skull."
Amanda Rose: [gasp]
Christine Schiefer: Oh my God. That's me. [laughter] Adding my own commentary.
Amanda Rose: Whoa.
Christine Schiefer: "Just one more piece of proof to say, if you find a mysterious wooden box on your dining room table late at night, just leave it alone and go to bed. Loving the podcast was so excited to hear your story on the University of Toronto. The next time you come to Toronto Em lead a ghost tour/investiga-," bleh. "Lead a ghost tour/investigation of the U of T colleges. I would be there in a heartbeat. Keep it creepy, Stuart."
Em Schulz: That's very sweet. That sounds like a a lot of work though, to be honest. Umm, but I, uh.
Christine Schiefer: Em's. Like I'll attend a ghost tour of the University of Toronto.
Em Schulz: I'll go to a ghost tour. If you set one up, I'll go.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. Stuart, I think that you maybe have more to offer, no offense to Em, but like, you're kind of like...
Em Schulz: It's true.
Christine Schiefer: From there. You know, you can tell us about the box again. Um...
Em Schulz: Yeah, yeah. Uh wow. [laughter]
Christine Schiefer: I feel like. I, okay. Quick, quick poll of the room. Who would've opened the box? Raise your hand.
Amanda Rose: Oh yeah.
Trevin Bartee: Uh, Yeah. I would've opened it. Yeah. As long as it's not moving.
Christine Schiefer: Trevin, raise your damn hand.
Trevin Bartee: Oh, I have to actually.
Em Schulz: Three for three.
Christine Schiefer: You have to raise your hand.
Trevin Bartee: I'm on an audio medium. I thought... [laughter]
Christine Schiefer: You know what? You know what?
Amanda Rose: It doesn't count. It doesn't matter.
Em Schulz: I... You know, there was one time we've talked about it. Everyone, everyone but the two of you, their ears were bleeding. 'Cause we've talked about this so many times on the show, but.
Christine Schiefer: What?
Em Schulz: One of the weirdest pieces of fan mail we ever got was like, out of a horror movie, a full blown wooden crate. We had to pry open full of hay with a, an old haunted doll in it with a note without a return address that said.
Christine Schiefer: No return.
Em Schulz: This keeps setting our barn on fire. We don't know what to do with it.
Amanda Rose: What did you do with the doll?
Christine Schiefer: Well, we put it in my closet for many years. 'Cause we, we literally didn't know what to do. 'Cause we thought, well, we can't put it in the trash can. Like that can't be good. Right? And like it was at my house, so we opened it. So Em was like, not my fucking problem. And I was like, you're right. But also shit.
Em Schulz: Tire tracks left the driveway. I was like...
Amanda Rose: It's, it's fair.
Christine Schiefer: The Subaru was out of there. Uh, but yeah, I I feel like, umm, there's no good, there's no good answer when body parts arrive in your home and you don't.
Amanda Rose: No.
Christine Schiefer: Know where they came from. I wonder, I do wonder for first I wish Stuart, Stuart can you, if you, ah shit, see this comes out afterward, but I really wanna know from Stuart like what he thinks he would've done if he did open it and see a skull. Like, I would like to know in an alternate timeline if Stuart's like little nagging voice didn't get to him.
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: If he did open it, would he scream.
Em Schulz: His, his Little Stuart. If you'll Stuart little, little Stuart. [laughter]
Christine Schiefer: That mmh. Seems mmh, you know.
Em Schulz: Oh, you're right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what I would've done, I would've opened up the box. I would've seen a skull. I would've put the lid right back on and done like the... Uh, keep your eyes open and your ears open, but your mouth shut. I saw nothing.
Christine Schiefer: Just like, do you almost like rewind, right? Like, you put it on, you're like, you lift it up. You're like, nevermind, regret that.
Em Schulz: If no one saw me lift the lid of that box, no one knows I saw what's in the box and that's how the rest of what life is gonna play out.
Christine Schiefer: Right. What's in the box.
Amanda Rose: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: And Trevin would, you said you also would have opened the box, right?
Trevin Bartee: Yeah. I believe would have.
Christine Schiefer: Because to me, you seem like the most, like, maybe the wisest, it's probably 'cause you're the least loud. And so I thought maybe you'd be like the least likely to open it, but if you would, it makes me feel better about myself that you would also open the box.
Trevin Bartee: Well I'm a curious little cat, you know? [laughter]
Christine Schiefer: I see. Yeah. You know what, aren't we all? And that, that, that's, that's a beautiful thing. And Amanda you would've opened. Oh.
Em Schulz: You are giving... Trevin, you are giving energy that like, we'd all open the box, but we would look to you for what to do next.
Christine Schiefer: That's exactly it.
Trevin Bartee: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: I feel like Trevon would've allowed us to open the box and then probably said something like, I told you guys that wasn't a good idea and we would've believed you even though like you.
Em Schulz: Even though you just gaslit the shit out of us.
Christine Schiefer: You were with, were leading the whole thing. [laughter]
Em Schulz: You know what? Now I'm mad at you, Trevin. Okay.
Amanda Rose: You know what, Trevin screw you.
Christine Schiefer: What's the matter with you? [laughter]
Trevin Bartee: I do really like people to kind of make their own decisions, but yeah, I would take the blame too.
Amanda Rose: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Okay. All right, all right. Well, the next time one of us brings a body part home, I guess we all know how it's gonna go down.
Amanda Rose: Mm-hmm. We're all a little bit...
Em Schulz: I'm gonna text you Trevin, and I'll be like, you now what? Your turn.
Christine Schiefer: Now what do I do? [laughter]
Trevin Bartee: I mean, if it was really up to me, I'd say like, maybe just two of us make the decision to see it first before making everybody see it.
Christine Schiefer: Right. To spare the others.
Trevin Bartee: Yeah.
Em Schulz: Mm.
Christine Schiefer: Okay. That's fun. But I would be so I'd be pushy. I'd be like, I'm gonna be the one with Trevin who gets to look at it first. [laughter] Um, I for sure would.
Em Schulz: Fair enough.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. And then I'd be like, Em, you'll never believe it, but you can't look at it, but you'll never believe it.
Trevin Bartee: And I'll never tell you.
Christine Schiefer: And I'll never tell, but it's the craziest thing. But you'll never know. Trevin and I have gone through something [laughter] together, so.
Em Schulz: It's like, am I jealous that you bonded? Am I not?
Christine Schiefer: For sure you are for, sure you are.
Trevin Bartee: Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: That's part of it.
Amanda Rose: They have a trauma bond.
Trevin Bartee: Okay, let's. [laughter]
Christine Schiefer: We've trauma bonded.
Em Schulz: Okay. We got one last one. Um, according to what I see so far in the subject line, this is gonna be a slam dunk ending for our episode.
Christine Schiefer: Oh.
Amanda Rose: Nice.
Em Schulz: That's what I call the, the finale. The March madness of it all. Uh.
Christine Schiefer: The, what?
Trevin Bartee: Is that what the subject line says, just slam dunk ending?
Christine Schiefer: Yeah slam dunk ending, the March madness of it all. Yeah.
Em Schulz: It, it, it's also in asterisks nothing but net. Is what it should have been. [laughter]
Amanda Rose: Okay.
Trevin Bartee: Eva's calling the shot.
Christine Schiefer: For some reason Em and I find basketball phrases to be like the funniest thing and it's like there's no real good reason but it's just one of our love languages.
Em Schulz: I'm also someone who can't tell if a glizzy is a gun or a hot dog. But I do know a lot about basketball headlines? I don't.
Christine Schiefer: Terminology. Yeah.
Trevin Bartee: We actually have a... We have a inside joke on our show my wife uh Emily she thought the saying going hard in the paint is going hard in the pants.
Em Schulz: Oh my God.
Christine Schiefer: Oh no.
Trevin Bartee: And so...
Em Schulz: I like Emily, she sounds cool.
Trevin Bartee: For the longest time, for the longest time she, she would say...
Christine Schiefer: Goes hard in the pants.
Trevin Bartee: She'd say oh Taylor Swift really went hard in the pants on that album. And I'm like no that's, that's not what we're talking about.
Christine Schiefer: You're like yeah nothing but net.
Trevin Bartee: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: I get it.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: I got to be honest Trevin you have just done a number to me and now I will only be saying it that way in my day-to-day. So...
Christine Schiefer: Agree.
Em Schulz: Christine get ready for that phrase. Um.
Christine Schiefer: I'm prepared.
Em Schulz: Hard in the pants. So...
[laughter]
Em Schulz: Here we go uh the title is My Ex was in the Duggar Cult. Which um...
Christine Schiefer: [gasp] Oh no.
Em Schulz: Context for the two of you, I'm obsessed with the Duggars in a really unhealthy way. Um and...
Christine Schiefer: At least you own it. I, I would... I thought I would have to give the like face of but it's in an unhealthy way but you seem to already...
Em Schulz: No. I know where I am.
Christine Schiefer: Self aware. Okay.
Em Schulz: Um. I really, I am probably their biggest anti-fan fan if you know what I'm saying. Where I'm just like I just... The fascination will never... I'll never retire...
Christine Schiefer: It's sort of like train wrecks.
Amanda Rose: Yeah. You can't look away.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Amanda Rose: The kids, the kids keep coming. You know.
Christine Schiefer: I get it. I, I get it you know it's like the kids keep, the kids... The kids with the J names keep coming that's what I learned. Um.
Em Schulz: There's always new info. Yeah, yeah.
Christine Schiefer: We're always counting.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: It never ends.
Em Schulz: Nailed it. Uh the... Never mind I was gonna make a bad joke. Okay going on. Uh this is from Kelsey, uses she/they pronouns. Love a double pronoun. Thank you for normalizing for pronouns. And Kelsey says "Emphasis on ex, my ex was in the Duggar cult. Since I do not want to be associated with that man anymore." Fair enough Kelsey. Uh but "he grew up in the same home schooling program as the Duggars," Which by the way is called ATI, Advanced Training Institute.
Christine Schiefer: I was gonna say Em fill in the blank. Thank you.
Em Schulz: I got you. Um, "he grew up in the same home schooling program as the Duggars that was run by Bill Gothard, their cult leader. Bill Gothard would talk one-on-one with him and put him on such a pedestal that gave him too much of an ego since he was such and alpha male." Yikes.
Christine Schiefer: Ew.
Em Schulz: Uh "my ex was so close to the Duggars that he got chicken pox from them during a joint trip with his family." I know exactly who this person is.
Christine Schiefer: No you don't.
Amanda Rose: Whaaat?
Em Schulz: Or I remember the episode.
Christine Schiefer: Ah, you know this person?!
Em Schulz: Was this person on television Kelsey because there's a whole episode where the Duggars had family... Had family friends in town and like 50 children got chicken pox all at once.
Trevin Bartee: Oh wow.
Christine Schiefer: Okay, oh my God.
Amanda Rose: Whoa!
Em Schulz: Ugh "I'm so glad I'm out of that relationship since all he wanted was a housewife and refused to clean our shared apartment. Big fan of the show," I think you mean our show not their show. "And I've been here from the start."
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Big fan of the show. Big fan of the show. Not yours, yours sucks. But I love the Duggars. Yeah.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: I get it. Um and that's it. That's the whole thing from Kelsey. Wow.
Christine Schiefer: Wow Kel... That's it.
Amanda Rose: Whoa.
Em Schulz: What did I say folks? Look it's nothing but net!
Christine Schiefer: Nothing but net, hard in the pants.
Trevin Bartee: From downtown.
Christine Schiefer: From downtown. That's a new one, Em's gonna take that and run with this. I swear to God.
Em Schulz: That will be the thing I say from now on, yeah.
Christine Schiefer: From downtown. Oh God. Okay, wow, wait, wow okay so...
Amanda Rose: So you think you might know... Well I mean there were 50 kids that got chicken pox but you've seen the episode where there were family friends...
Em Schulz: Well there's 50 kids, 20 of them are the Duggars. So that immediately drops my elimination process.
Amanda Rose: We can narrow it down a little.
Em Schulz: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Em Schulz: Uh I don't know if it was... I don't know if the family was actually on TV but I remember in the episode I, I'm pretty sure they say like oh we just came back from a family trip with insert family name here.
Christine Schiefer: Oh my God, so at least he's been in... Referenced in the, in the Duggar's sphere. Like he's, he's part of...
Amanda Rose: Mm-hmm.
[overlapping conversation]
Em Schulz: I, I think so. Unless I'm totally making it up. I am pretty sure. I'm pretty sure.
Christine Schiefer: I don't doubt it. I feel like... I mean I do... I don't think you're making it up. I feel like um, I feel like somewhere there may have been a blip... I feel like they recorded so much of their bullshit somewhere there's gotta be a blip about this chicken pox epidemic.
Amanda Rose: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Em Schulz: I remember it being... There was another episode too... I hope I... I hope I'm not confusing them. There's another episode where like family friends were in town they all got the flu at the same time. Can you imagine taking care of... It was 38 children with flu. Can you imagine?
Christine Schiefer: Absolutely not.
Trevin Bartee: Oh.
Christine Schiefer: Can you imagine being the, the fucking camera man who's getting paid like fucking pennies and you're like now I have to be in this room with 38 children with the flu, like...
Em Schulz: Well the... What I love about those... And by the way it was the stomach flu...
Amanda Rose: [gasp]
Em Schulz: So it was just vomit everywhere. Oh my God, could I tell you something so horrid...
Christine Schiefer: Gross.
Em Schulz: That you're just gonna wanna sign off immediately?
Amanda Rose: Sure.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Sometimes Eva does this and I'm like you know what you're doing Eva when you, when you set us up like this at the end of the episode... a fucking... Okay go ahead.
Em Schulz: There's a scene, the children get the stomach bug and literally they're... Like the parents are leaving like cups of water to like give to the kids to like drink some water. One of them throws up in the cup and then leaves it on the counter...
[overlapping conversation]
Em Schulz: And Jim Bob Duggar...
Christine Schiefer: I can't, I can't.
Amanda Rose: No.
Christine Schiefer: I can't. Stop.
Em Schulz: Drinks it.
Amanda Rose: No. They left that in the episode?
Em Schulz: Oh yeah, and like the best part is his wife...
Trevin Bartee: And that's good TV.
Christine Schiefer: And that, that's fucking good TV...
Em Schulz: The best part is his wife...
Christine Schiefer: And I hate that it's good TV.
Em Schulz: In this like... In their religion/cult um like the wife is so submissive like barely has a personality. You just don't know anything about her except she's just there like smile and not and make her husband feel like he's the only man on earth.
Christine Schiefer: Just like Kelsey.
Em Schulz: Just like Kelsey had to deal with.
Christine Schiefer: Just like Kelsey could have... Kelsey could have been. But, but decided probably for her better...
Amanda Rose: Right.
Em Schulz: So my favorite thing is it's the only scene they... This show went on for years and years and years and years and years and it's the only scene where his wife is hysterically laughing. Because her husband chugged children vomit. Yeah.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Oh the husband did I thought it was another kid.
Amanda Rose: Oh. I thought you said it was the mom, okay.
Em Schulz: It was Jim Bob, Jim Bob.
Christine Schiefer: Jim Bob. Good, good for him.
Amanda Rose: I feel better about that.
Christine Schiefer: I feel better too. Thank you.
Em Schulz: It was a little deserved. Um anway...
Christine Schiefer: Now that's good TV.
Trevin Bartee: Yeah.
Em Schulz: I'll end on that.
Trevin Bartee: That's justice.
Christine Schiefer: That's justice.
Em Schulz: That's, that's a round of applause story right there.
Christine Schiefer: Wow.
Amanda Rose: Wow.
Christine Schiefer: The fact that somebody wrote in to say... That is... Talk about petty... I mean listen I love Live, Laugh, Larceny I've listened to several episodes. But I'm also very behind on all my podcasts. But I feel... And so cor... What I'm saying is correct me if I'm wrong, but I feel like someone getting chicken pox from the Duggars feels like a very Live, Laugh, Larceny type of...
Amanda Rose: Oh yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Vibe, right? Like just kind of like a ridiculous st... Petty story.
Amanda Rose: It sounds unbelievable. And I think it's kind of petty you know for them to then send the email in and which I love. I love it.
Christine Schiefer: Which is even better.
Amanda Rose: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: 100%, 100%.
Amanda Rose: I love that so much.
Christine Schiefer: That's beautiful. That's just beautiful. Wow what a way to round out uh our stories.
Em Schulz: Yeah, yeah happy March everybody if that's how it's... Hopefully none of that happens to us.
Christine Schiefer: March madness. Buckets.
Amanda Rose: It's, it's madness.
Trevin Bartee: Oh yeah. I didn't even think about that.
Christine Schiefer: It's indeed madness.
Em Schulz: Thank you uh Eva for the stories, but thank you also both of you for coming on and reading with us.
Christine Schiefer: Thank you. We appreciate you so much.
Amanda Rose: Oh my gosh, thank you so much.
Trevin Bartee: Thanks for having us this was a lot of fun.
Amanda Rose: So much for having us. Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: We're, we're honored to have you... Sorry, Em. Go ahead.
Em Schulz: I was gonna say can you shout yourselves out anywhere people can find you?
Amanda Rose: Oh man, well we... Anywhere you listen to podcasts, Live, Laugh, Larceny and we're on Instagram, TikTok, Threads, we're on Facebook. I mean we're everywhere, wherever you know...
Em Schulz: Okay.
Amanda Rose: But yeah, definitely if you're into the petty stuff we would love to get... I'm sure that your listeners have really good true, true petty crime stories.
Christine Schiefer: That's the thing I feel like Em and I... Like when Eva said oh there really weren't that many submissions of like petty crimes in our inbox I was like what a, what a...
Amanda Rose: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Feels like a missing piece. Like you guys really brought to... Brought us a topic or a theme where I'm like, man that is... That's a gold mine right there.
Em Schulz: I feel like I hear in, in our stories they're never the actual like the topic people are landing on...
Amanda Rose: True.
Em Schulz: But I feel like in the, in the writing you can hear the attitude of some of the people and you can tell they're petty people.
Amanda Rose: Oh yeah.
Em Schulz: So uh, in the, in the best way by the way. 'cause I'm, beyond the pettiest. So uh...
Amanda Rose: Right, right.
Christine Schiefer: Right it really Em's vibe for sure. Yep.
Trevin Bartee: Oh yeah.
Em Schulz: I love petty stuff. Um.
Trevin Bartee: This, this show keeps us so in... Like finger on the petty pulse every week, we know what's going down. And just like living in the atmosphere of petty has like made us more petty I think.
Christine Schiefer: Wait I kind of love that.
Trevin Bartee: Uh I when... While making this show uh I had... I was getting evicted and I formed a band in a day just because they were gonna do an open house through my house.
Christine Schiefer: [gasp]
Trevin Bartee: So I set up a whole band practice to do a concert for the open house.
Christine Schiefer: You sure did.
Trevin Bartee: And...
Christine Schiefer: Fuck yes.
Trevin Bartee: We kept the realtor from actually doing it they on the...
Christine Schiefer: Fuck yes!
Trevin Bartee: Protest worked. So it... But it was...
Em Schulz: Be still my heart. Are you kidding me?
Trevin Bartee: If I didn't do this show I, I probably wouldn't have done it.
Amanda Rose: Yeah.
Em Schulz: I, I've never been more impressed with somebody.
Christine Schiefer: Em is actually almost at a loss for words which I think has never happened. So wow.
Trevin Bartee: You know, we made fake posters for the show and called our band perpetual eviction.
Amanda Rose: Yeah.
[laughter]
Amanda Rose: Yeah, so like that's petty you know it doesn't have to be anything crazy. Just you know...
Em Schulz: Uh.
Christine Schiefer: Just like be a little petty it's fine.
Trevin Bartee: Yeah.
Em Schulz: I, I... Pl... I'm gonna check out any merch that you have but if you don't have a shirt that just says I'm the pettiest bitch you'll know, you'll ever meet... I need that shirt 1000%.
[overlapping conversation]
Christine Schiefer: Need one.
Amanda Rose: We'll send you one, we'll send you...
Christine Schiefer: And it's for you Em. Yeah.
Em Schulz: I... Anything petty I'm gonna... I'm just gonna go look and to see what you have and do a little, a little shopping, so...
Amanda Rose: There you go.
Em Schulz: Uh. Anyway, thank you guys for, for coming. I really appreciate you guys on our show. Reading our stories and uh for our listeners we'll see you in April on April 1st, April Fool's Day. But...
Christine Schiefer: Oh boy.
Em Schulz: I don't know what that means. Neither do you that's the fun of it.
Christine Schiefer: That's the fun of it, none of us know. We'll see what happens.
Trevin Bartee: It's only non-listeners stories, people who don't listen to your show.
Christine Schiefer: Oh now that's interesting.
Em Schulz: I think you're about to become one of our consultants for the show.
Christine Schiefer: What's happening here? What's happening here?
Em Schulz: All right we'll see everyone on April Fool's Day, I will be uh listening... I'll be telling stories with my favorite fool and uh...
Christine Schiefer: Oh.
Trevin Bartee: Oh yeah.
Em Schulz: That's you.
Christine Schiefer: It's me.
Em Schulz: So... And...
Christine Schiefer: Oh shit. Okay. That's...
Em Schulz: Why...
Christine Schiefer: Oh we're doing it?
Amanda Rose: Oh should we... Oh no, no, no...
Em Schulz: You can jump in. Would you like to jump in?
Christine Schiefer: Wait let's all say, let's all say drink together.
Amanda Rose: Perfect.
Em Schulz: Okay. Okay.
Christine Schiefer: Okay.
Em Schulz: And...
Christine Schiefer: That's...
Em Schulz: Why...
Christine Schiefer: We...
Everyone: Drink.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: To me it was a beautiful harmony. I don't know what everyone else will hear but to me it was absolutely perfect.
Trevin Bartee: I felt the vibrations.
Christine Schiefer: Thank you.
Em Schulz: Trevin with all your music background I'm gonna need you to make that sound like a, like a orchestra.
Christine Schiefer: He can fix it...
Amanda Rose: He can AutoTune us all. [laughter]
Em Schulz: Driiiink.
Amanda Rose: We're all like, driiiink.
[laughter]
