Em Schulz: Hello, everybody. This is just a quick PSA, umm, for this Listener's episode, that, uh, story number three, that's the second one that I'm gonna be reading, umm, it is, uh, heavily about throw-up. And if, uh, you are not someone who likes to hear about that, please skip to story number four. umm, this is just a quick content warning because wow, we just couldn't stop talking about throw-up. umm, and the story talks about throw-up also. So, I've already said throw-up a lot in this content warning alone. I'm sorry, but just... There you go.
[intro music]
Em Schulz: Oh.
Christine Schiefer: Hi.
Em Schulz: Okay, where... Hi. Hey. Wait, hang on. I was just singing.
[vocalization]
Em Schulz: Where did you go? I miss you so.
Christine Schiefer: Oh, I used...
Em Schulz: Feels like it's been forever.
Christine Schiefer: Oh, God. Okay. Yeah.
Em Schulz: How was Sweden?
Christine Schiefer: I used to sit with my iPod Nano on the bus.
Em Schulz: Oh.
Christine Schiefer: And gaze out at the fields... Well, not the fields. The inner city of Cincinnati.
Em Schulz: The cemetery? Okay.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: And I used to say, "My life is so sad and hard," and I would listen to that song.
Em Schulz: Especially On a rainy day when it's dripping down the window.
Christine Schiefer: Uh-huh.
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm. I know.
Christine Schiefer: And then my friend would be like, "Hey, you wanna play, uh, Miss Mary Mack?", and I was like, "I'm having a moment." Anyway.
Em Schulz: [chuckle] It's like, "She can wait. She's had enough time."
Christine Schiefer: I was like, "I have no friends, and I'm sad." And they were like, "I'm... I'm your friend, I thought, but okay."
Em Schulz: It's like, I'm literally asking you to play Miss Mary Mack, but I guess...
[chuckle]
Em Schulz: You can go home and self-prophesize or whatever.
Christine Schiefer: I'm just like so self-pitying back then. Anyway, hi, Em. I missed you.
Em Schulz: For those of you who are, umm, just listening in... Or not even. If you're a regular listener, it may sound like Christine and I were hanging out last week, but in reality, we haven't recorded in like a month, because...
Christine Schiefer: Yes.
Em Schulz: We've both been all over the place. Christine has been very all over the place and not even in the US.
Christine Schiefer: Only four different country... Well, actually, five. Six.
Em Schulz: Oh my God.
Christine Schiefer: Six countries. Yes. umm, yeah.
Em Schulz: Girl. Do you wanna list them? Because I didn't even know that.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, sure. Well, I didn't either. umm, clearly...
Em Schulz: Oh.
Christine Schiefer: 'Cause I just had, had to count. [chuckle] umm, no, but two of them were just layovers, so that doesn't really count. But, umm, okay, flew to...
Em Schulz: What are the main...
Christine Schiefer: Amsterdam.
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: Then Sweden.
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: Then drove through Denmark to Germany, then drove to Austria, then drove back to Germany, then drove back to Austria, then flew to Paris, then flew home. So I'm... I'm back. [chuckle]
Em Schulz: Damn.
Christine Schiefer: I'm tired.
Em Schulz: My God, you're like Eliza Thornberry.
Christine Schiefer: [laughter] Thank you. That's the compliment I've been waiting for my whole life. I did wear pajamas, and Eva said, "Oh, for sleepover vibe," or you said that...
Em Schulz: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: umm, or somebody said that. And I say, "Sort of, but mostly for jet lag. I refuse to put on real clothing today." umm, I'm tired.
Em Schulz: Fair enough. Yeah, you came in...
Christine Schiefer: Last night.
Em Schulz: Okay. 'Cause we had a tentative plan to like do... To record an episode today. And I assumed you would call in sick or something, 'cause you just landed last night.
Christine Schiefer: I didn't even know it was happening until I looked at my... Until somebody... Oh, Mag-, our manager, was like, "Hey, can we call after our recording tomorrow?", and I was like, "What? I haven't slept in 36 hours." So it was like 8:00 PM and I was like, "I'm going to bed." And I did, and I survived. So, here I am, ready to work.
Em Schulz: So, yeah, what time is it for you right now?
Christine Schiefer: In my head, or in real life?
Em Schulz: Well, like in your... Like your jet lag.
Christine Schiefer: Oh, oh, oh. Like jet lag-wise? umm, only 7:30... 7:30 PM, I think?
Em Schulz: Okay. Okay.
Christine Schiefer: umm...
Em Schulz: Wooh! You're a trooper.
Christine Schiefer: Dinner time.
Em Schulz: Yeah. [laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Mm.
Em Schulz: Well, do you have a favorite country you went to?
Christine Schiefer: Oh, well, thank you for asking. umm, I love Sweden, except for last time I was there, I tried to jump off the boat into a fjord.
Em Schulz: Last time?
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. Well...
Em Schulz: I forget how you've been to these places more than once.
Christine Schiefer: It's just like, "Ugh." You know. I did...
Em Schulz: [chuckle] So like...
[overlapping conversation]
Em Schulz: At this point in your life, are you just a regular of Germany, where you were like, "Ugh," like, "I already know exactly where we need to go"?
Christine Schiefer: Sort of. It depends. There were some cities I'd never been to, which was very cool. And I was like, "Oh, I get to be like touristy," you know? And I didn't visit really any family, which was kind of interesting.
Em Schulz: Hmm.
Christine Schiefer: So we could be like full-on tourists, not just... The only thing we missed, which I'm really bummed about, are the dungeons. There are these dungeons where you can go down into like the dungeons from 1200 or something...
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: And like see all the implements and shit. And, uh, the tour... We had just missed the tour. So, next time when I take you, we're gonna go down [chuckle] to the dungeon together.
Em Schulz: I'll always go to a dungeon tour, and...
[chuckle]
Em Schulz: That... That's really a... A solid way to convince me to go anywhere.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. Yeah. [laughter]
Em Schulz: umm, well, I don't... I don't wanna overwhelm you with questions. I know we are recording currently.
Christine Schiefer: No, I appreciate your interest. It's very kind. I feel like I've just been solo. I... I don't know. I've just missed talking to you. So, umm, I don't even know what you've been up to. I'm like, uh, "How many... "
Em Schulz: This and that, and that and this.
Christine Schiefer: How many countries...
Em Schulz: umm... [chuckle]
Christine Schiefer: Just the one?
Em Schulz: In my mind or right, in real life?
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Obviously in your mind.
Em Schulz: Oh, that's... Uh, that's... I've left the galaxy a million times in my mind.
Christine Schiefer: [chuckle] Oh, yeah. You're a startender, I forgot.
[chuckle]
Em Schulz: umm, I... I haven't... I have not done anything nearly as interesting as you. I went home. That was it. I... I went home.
Christine Schiefer: But that's fun.
Em Schulz: It was fun.
Christine Schiefer: Your friend had a baby, but we did already talk about that, I guess. umm...
Em Schulz: Had a baby. Uh, I went to the beach with my family. That was fine. umm...
Christine Schiefer: Oh yeah, the last I heard, you were dreading that trip.
Em Schulz: I was dreading it because I was like, "What on earth are we gonna do other than the beach?" And we ended up actually like all having a good time not near a beach. It's like...
Christine Schiefer: Great!
Em Schulz: So, we... We figured it out, and the only issue I had was resolved. But there was some...
[chuckle]
Em Schulz: There was some family drama that ensued. Uh...
Christine Schiefer: Oh, always.
Em Schulz: Always. Which I ate it up. I was like in the...
Christine Schiefer: Of course you did.
Em Schulz: I was in the center of it, and I was eating it up.
Christine Schiefer: You were in the center of it. [laughter]
Em Schulz: I didn't like cause... I didn't cause the problem, but I... I stayed associated with each member of the drama.
Christine Schiefer: So you had like a front row seat, sort of?
[overlapping conversation]
Em Schulz: Oh, it was like popcorn in a bucket to me. I was, "Oooh, I loved it."
Christine Schiefer: What the hell? Okay, I wanna hear about that. Next time.
Em Schulz: It was like... It's... It was drama where even if I were to tell it right now, everyone would go, "That's it?" Like it was... Telling the story, it doesn't make it as juicy as like just getting to watch it unravel. But... So...
Christine Schiefer: Just being part of it? Yeah.
Em Schulz: Ugh. Ugh. So that was my favorite part of the entire, uh, trip.
Christine Schiefer: Jesus!
[laughter]
Em Schulz: And just...
Christine Schiefer: You like thrive on chaos and pain. [laughter]
Em Schulz: Again, I loved being secondarily associated with chaos.
Christine Schiefer: Geez.
Em Schulz: And that's exactly what... I was... I fit right in there. So, umm, I was having a good time. Uh, I was told we will never be having a family trip again. [laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Oh. [chuckle] That's probably the news you were waiting for. [chuckle]
Em Schulz: Yeah. So, I think everyone else had a different experience than I did. umm, but yeah, it was... [chuckle] I am... I'm glad to be back. I was very tired immediately of the humidity. I'm glad to be back in dry, dry LA.
Christine Schiefer: Yes.
Em Schulz: So...
Christine Schiefer: Back to the desert.
Em Schulz: Back to the... Okay, last thing I'm gonna ask you... Well, two things I'm gonna ask, 'cause I... I don't wanna, you know, bore our listeners, but I also truly haven't spoken to you since...
Christine Schiefer: I know...
Em Schulz: A month ago.
Christine Schiefer: Like a month. [chuckle]
Em Schulz: How was traveling with a baby, and what was your yummiest thing you ate?
Christine Schiefer: Oh my god, I love this. Okay. And also, if it's okay with you, I'd like to also chat about this more on the regular episode when we have more room for like a banter situation. umm, 'cause I know this is just a listener episode, but Em and I can't help ourselves. Okay, people we're catching up. [chuckle] Umm, what... Oh, traveling with the baby was so much easier than I thought. She did fuckin' great. She just like colored or watched her shows and just like hung out the whole time. Just like she rallied.
Em Schulz: Chill baby.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, she like totally rallied. Like she didn't get sleep for like two days straight 'cause she wouldn't really sleep well on the plane, and she just was like tired. But just...
Em Schulz: She said, "I'm here, bitches. We're gonna go."
Christine Schiefer: She just participated and like didn't cry. She didn't cry once. umm, I'm very lucky. I know that. 'Cause I... I've... I've... I've taken care of babies that are... That are criers and stuff. And I... I get it. I get how hard it is...
Em Schulz: I'm a crier.
Christine Schiefer: I know you are. [laughter] So am I.
Em Schulz: I would've been so terrible on that trip.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Just as an adult. Yeah. [laughter] Umm. No, it was good. It was good. I mean, it was not without its hiccups, and it is a pain to have a stroller and have to find an elevator at every like public transportation in Europe. umm...
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: So that is a pain. Uh, and a lot of delays and layovers and stuff. And so, it was not easy, but it was less traumatizing than I [chuckle] thought it would be. Let's put it that way. umm, and the yummiest thing I ate was probably... There was... Oh God, there's so... It's just... Em, it's... I thought of you the whole time, 'cause it's the sandwiches, man.
Em Schulz: Oh.
Christine Schiefer: Europe makes the best effing sandwiches. Like every country I went to, I was like, "I'm gonna miss these damn sandwiches." Like, I think it's 'cause the bread is so good.
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm. Hmm.
Christine Schiefer: Like, they really care about the bread and the cheese, and like everything is just so well-made and... And freshly made. And so I just ate so many effing sandwiches. I don't think like... I... I wrote a grocery list today, and I'm like trying my best to find a replacement for what I'll be missing.
Em Schulz: Good luck. [laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. It's sad. I know. It's very tragic, but... umm, but I ate a lot of good stuff.
Em Schulz: Thank God you've got a real German woman who hand-delivers you homemade bread all the time, so.
Christine Schiefer: [laughter] That's true. [laughter] I guess I am a step ahead of everybody else. [laughter]
Em Schulz: You've got... You've got a full-ass baker that... Like, international baker.
Christine Schiefer: I don't know why I'm complaining. [laughter] Anyway, so that... Those are... I... Just the sandwiches. I thought of you every time. I'm like, "Man, Em would fuckin' slam this. Like these salami sandwiches, oh, they're so good."
Em Schulz: That's where I would rally. I'd be like, "What are we eating? Where are we eating? Why are we eating?"
Christine Schiefer: "Lets go."
Em Schulz: "Let's go."
Christine Schiefer: I know. It's like the food is just so good. umm, but so I thought of you, and I missed you dearly. And I can't wait to eat one with you in the dungeon.
Em Schulz: Oh! That was the nicest thing you could have ever said to me.
Christine Schiefer: [laughter] That was romantic. [laughter]
Em Schulz: That was... Oh my God, by candlelight?
Christine Schiefer: Ooh la la. [laughter]
Em Schulz: By... By sheer pitch blackness? Oh my God.
Christine Schiefer: Right? By no light, by torch light as the villagers come across.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: Oh! Just stop talking. You're gonna get me all riled up. Okay.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: Oh! Well, I'm glad I... It's nice to know that even, you know... When I'm gone one day somewhere in the ether, I'll always be tingling when you're near a sandwich.
Christine Schiefer: You will. It... It's like there's... I can't help it. Even if like we were...
Em Schulz: We could.
Christine Schiefer: Somehow estranged, which I can't imagine, [chuckle] our stupid souls would ever figure out a way to do, but if...
Em Schulz: That would be your memory when... If... When we break up one day. Oh... You can't escape me whenever you eat a sandwich.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, that song... Where did you go? And I would cry.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: I miss you so. Those little children singing in the chorus...
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: And I'm just crying.
Em Schulz: Not the echoing children in the background!
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: And then Em is like, "Can we go record now?", and I'm like, "Stop. I'm having a moment missing you."
[chuckle]
Em Schulz: I'm eating a sandwich with Mary Mack, and we're both like, "Christine just won't hang out with us. What's the deal?"
Christine Schiefer: "She's just so self-pitying." Oh God.
[chuckle]
Em Schulz: Okay. Story time for all the people who endured the last 10 minutes.
Christine Schiefer: Sorry. [chuckle]
Em Schulz: umm, so this is... This was, uh, Eva's little tale she regaled to us, is that, umm...
[chuckle]
Em Schulz: She typed in a phrase, and I guess because we've both been traveling, she used the word "road trip."
Christine Schiefer: Yes.
Em Schulz: And apparently, I guess usually when she types in a word, she kinda has to weed through some stories to find like the highlights of them all.
Christine Schiefer: Mm-hmm.
Em Schulz: But back to back, the road trip stories were excelentante, you know?
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. Winners. Winners.
Em Schulz: So, uh, we have been instructed to just dive right in, and that's what we shall do.
Christine Schiefer: So we... So instead, we spent 10 minutes talking, and now, we'll dive right in. [chuckle]
Em Schulz: That's what we shall do now. [chuckle] Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Oh, and by the way, now that I'm home, I got an XL Dunkin' Donut iced coffee with pumpkin spice syrup. So, uh...
Em Schulz: Did you miss it?
Christine Schiefer: I did... Well, actually, no. There's Dunkin' Donuts everywhere. [chuckle] There's...
Em Schulz: Oh.
Christine Schiefer: 'Cause they know. They know. They know how... How good it is. But, umm, I avoided it 'cause I was like, "I'm being a real tourist."
Em Schulz: I... I understand. I...
Christine Schiefer: "And not giving in into the craving of Starbucks and Dunkin'.
Em Schulz: You know... You know what's wild, though, is when I went to the Philippines, this is trash behavior, I know it, but I went to like six Starbucks when I was in the Philippines. [gasp] Girl! [laughter] it went everywhere, all that coffee. [laughter] Oh, your keyboard. Oh no. Oh, no.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: I watched it happen. Everyone go look at the YouTube just for that moment because Christine's coffee went everywhere.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Oh, no. That is like a rare... I like don't... I really have gotten better about...
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: About not spiting my drinks out, but wow, you just got me good.
Em Schulz: That was a movie picturesque.
Christine Schiefer: I did not... I don't know. Like, I sort of knew what... [laughter] I knew what was coming and yet it still shocked me to my core.
Em Schulz: I think six Starbucks is what overwhelmed you.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: That's what it was. I was like, "Oh, you stopped at a Starbucks in the airport?" "No. No."
Em Schulz: I went to six. And it... To be fair, I was with RJ's family. They're the ones who kept saying, "Let's go to Starbucks," and who am I to say no?
Christine Schiefer: See, that's not your fault.
Em Schulz: Who am I to might say no?
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. Absolutely not.
Em Schulz: And, uh... And my favorite thing, though, is... So the Starbucks menu, I took pictures while I was there, of like all the different foods that they sell at the Starbucks in Philippines.
Christine Schiefer: Yes. Which... Which is its own experience, to find out what they serve.
Em Schulz: Oh, it blew my mind. And their food was better in Starbucks.
Christine Schiefer: Yep.
Em Schulz: And one of the things that they had was like... It was some sort of like pasta chicken alfredo kinda situation.
Christine Schiefer: Whoa.
Em Schulz: And it was so good. And I intentionally ate too much of it, because I knew I'd never have it again and I was gonna miss it.
Christine Schiefer: 'Cause you were running a fun run race for The Cure.
[chuckle]
Em Schulz: It felt like it. With myself and my tummy, yeah. I was like, "We gotta eat as much fettuccini as my body will take." And...
Christine Schiefer: Well, like the... The McDonald's in Germany has vegan chicken nuggets and vegan s... Like... You know?
Em Schulz: Oh, what?
Christine Schiefer: So there's fun surprises.
Em Schulz: But McDonald's in the Philippines has McSpaghetti.
Christine Schiefer: [chuckle] That doesn't really work, McSpaghetti.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: It's literally called that. umm, anyway...
Christine Schiefer: Oh, the... Oh, the German one, the vegan one's called McPlant.
Em Schulz: McPlant. I love that.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: It's... Okay. Well, I will say, if you...
[chuckle]
Em Schulz: If you're going to the Philippines, please, for my sake, go eat that... It was like... It had mushroom in it. It's like a pesto pasta, I think it was, like...
Christine Schiefer: That's...
Em Schulz: Just go eat it.
Christine Schiefer: That sounds amazing. [chuckle]
Em Schulz: It was so good. And please, for me, just go eat it. umm, the end. Back to road trip ghost stories, I promise, everybody.
Christine Schiefer: Anyway, I guess we should talk about the show now.
Em Schulz: Just so everyone knows: We also wanna be better about our banter. It just... It just is impossible.
Christine Schiefer: We do. We want to, but we don't want it enough. You know?
Em Schulz: Yeah. We want it a little, but like not... We don't wanna put effort into it.
Christine Schiefer: We... We... We know... Yeah, we know we should want it. We just... It's like hard, really, to commit.
Em Schulz: [chuckle] It's so hard, everything about our job. So, uh, okay. Here's our story. I love the subject line already. "We saw an alien on our hot girl ghost hunt".
Christine Schiefer: [gasp]
Em Schulz: I love a hot girl ghost hunt.
Christine Schiefer: We... I wanna go... [laughter]
Em Schulz: Remember we had back-to-back hot girl ghost hunts when we... I visited you in Cincinnati... Or in Newport?
Christine Schiefer: Oh fuck, yeah. And I was so pregnant, and it was so hot. So it literally was me, hot girl in pregnancy maternity clothes.
Em Schulz: Yeah. [chuckle] I... I wanted to complain about the heat, but you were also literally about to blow any moment. And so...
[laughter]
Em Schulz: I was like, "I don't get to complain, but I'm so uncomfy."
[laughter]
Em Schulz: umm, but no, that was a good time. We should do that again back-to-back, hot girl ghost hunt.
Christine Schiefer: We should. Now that we can... We can drink... I can drink.
Em Schulz: Now that you can drink. We'll bring your wine bra.
Christine Schiefer: I can't wait.
Em Schulz: It'll keep your chest nice and cold on those hot nights.
Christine Schiefer: Mm-hmm. Mmm!
Em Schulz: Okay. "Dear, Emothy, Hircine Shifter, sweet Baby G, EwGross, and Leona."
Christine Schiefer: That's precious. I thought they were gonna say, "Ew, Leona." And I was like, "Don't you dare." EwGross makes more sense.
Em Schulz: "My name, my name is Bree," she/her pronouns. Thank you for normalizing pronouns, "and I have a super fun story for you. A few years ago, my friend Britt," who also uses she/her pronouns. Thank you for normalizing pronouns, "and I bonded over our mutual love for all things spooky-ooky. I'm a big podcast girly and put her onto And That's Why We Drink. And we went to your show in LA a few years back when you talked about the Queen Mary, and we knew we would have to add it to our list of places to check out. Uh, another thing that we added to our list was the Winchester Mystery House, so we started planning our trip for August 2022. We were calling it our Hot Girl Ghost Hunt." I love that.
Christine Schiefer: [chuckle] I do, too.
Em Schulz: Umm, that will be the title of our third tour, apparently. umm... [chuckle]
Christine Schiefer: When we steal it from you, your intellectual property. [chuckle]
Em Schulz: Hot Girl Ghost Hunt. If we're... Yeah. [chuckle] We'll just... We'll... There'll be a tiny little in the smallest font possible be like from Bree and Britt. [chuckle]
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, sponsored by.
Em Schulz: "Uh, before our trip, you guys released a haunted road atlas, which I quickly scooped up and upon receiving it noticed there were other stops that we should check out along the way." Oh, the sweet. This is like the first real...
Christine Schiefer: This is...
Em Schulz: Testimony I'm saying to people using our book.
Christine Schiefer: It is. My heart is like pounding. I'm like so nervous and excited. [chuckle]
Em Schulz: My heart is... Aflutter is the right word.
Christine Schiefer: Yes, aflutter.
Em Schulz: "Uh, we ended up going to the Winchester Mystery House, Alcatraz, and Evergreen Cemetery, which is where they buried hundreds of unclaimed bodies from the Jonestown Massacre."
Christine Schiefer: Oh.
Em Schulz: "umm, there's also a section for the Oakland Hell's Angels... "
Christine Schiefer: [gasp]
Em Schulz: "With their pictures, nicknames, and memorabilia." Fuck, yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Wow.
Em Schulz: "This story, however, is about none of those things because we had a paranormal encounter way before even getting to our Airbnb before we started our trip. I'll set the scene. It's around 11:00 PM, and we're driving from LA to San Jose. We're on the I5, which, uh, for those of you who don't know, is just a long highway." Yes, that's true.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Yes, that is a pretty generic description of it. Yes. [laughter]
Em Schulz: "Middle of nowhere, uh, and it's 11:00 PM, so it's pitch black outside. We were driving through a town called Gilroy, which is known for two things." I can already tell you before I even see the rest of this, the garlic festival.
Christine Schiefer: Yes.
Em Schulz: Because I've been so many damn times.
Christine Schiefer: You've told me about that. Yeah.
Em Schulz: "The Gilroy Garlic Festival, uh, and paranormal sightings. The only thing that we could see, uh, was the lights from other cars ahead of us, which is what made what happened next so weird. We were driving up on what looked like an airplane. I'm driving, and Britt is in the passenger seat."
Christine Schiefer: [gasp]
Em Schulz: "We stopped our conversation and watched the plane begin to descend as if it was going to land."
Christine Schiefer: Huh?
Em Schulz: "It's in the... It's in the right side of the sky and landing on the left side at a normal airplane speed, when all of a sudden, it shoots back up into the sky..."
Christine Schiefer: [gasp]
Em Schulz: "And makes the sharpest u-turn back towards the right." So they're just like watching this like weird maneuver in the sky.
Christine Schiefer: What the fuck?
Em Schulz: "We acknowledge that the speed is super fast, and we start to throw out ideas of what it could be. Britt suggests maybe there's an Air Force base around and they're running some tests. But remember, there's no other lights around, just the cars and the plane. So where would the base even be?"
Christine Schiefer: Huh.
Em Schulz: "By now, the plane is looking like it's going to land again and as it's descending and heading back to the right side of our view. The only problem is that we're driving up on it and it looks like it's going to land on the freeway, which has only two lanes."
Christine Schiefer: What the fuck?
Em Schulz: "We can see three lights on the aircraft, which we know is not a plane now. And they're positioned on the bottom of the ship, which is shaped like a triangle. And when the ship turns a certain way, the lights disappear. And you can see it all because the ship is black."
Christine Schiefer: What the F is happening?
Em Schulz: "We see the lights because it's heading right for us, and the light in front of the ship is shining right into our eyes. I'm freaking out and trying to decide if I should brake, speed up, swerve or just keep going."
Christine Schiefer: Right.
Em Schulz: "Right before it hits us, it makes another sharp u-turn and drops down to the height of the other cars." Ooh! "I... "
Christine Schiefer: What the fuck?
Em Schulz: Stay in the sky. It...
[chuckle]
Christine Schiefer: Get out of my way.
Em Schulz: The fuck? You have nothing but all of space. Don't come near me.
Christine Schiefer: Literally. [laughter]
Em Schulz: "It drives alongside the cars at... Heading in the opposite direction, and we end up passing it. It was a flat ship about the size of an SUV. No one could have been inside. And once we passed it, we looked back and it was gone." Ooh. Hang on. Sorry. Uh, uh...
Christine Schiefer: What...
Em Schulz: Because I have...
Christine Schiefer: You're scaring me. I'm really scared now. Sorry. Em is... Like, all of a sudden Em started like flashing as if there was something in your room landing at a quick speed on the freeway.
Em Schulz: It's 'cause a... A lot of my, umm... A lot of my lighting comes from my TV, and it went to a YouTube ad. umm...
Christine Schiefer: Are you in your... Oh, you're home. Right. Okay. I kept...
Em Schulz: I'm home.
Christine Schiefer: So Em currently looks like they're... As Eva and I both, uh, separately remarked, looks like they're at like a magic show. And Eva said, "Yeah, you look like a magician," at the exact same time I said, "You look like a magician's assistant." Which is probably the rudest thing I've ever said, with like blue curtains in the... Is that like a fake background, or a real background?
Em Schulz: No. It's a black... It's a curtain... It's... It's... umm, soundproofing.
Christine Schiefer: It looks good. Like it looks very chic, but it, uh...
Em Schulz: Oh, thank you.
Christine Schiefer: But there were just, you know, all these flashing lights. I thought maybe this UFO was coming for you.
Em Schulz: No. This is actually... This is to the side of the troll hole. This is on the wall... Another wall of the window.
Christine Schiefer: Uh-huh.
Em Schulz: But, umm, I... My room looks like it threw up every article of clothing I've ever owned, and so I moved my camera, and now I just have... I look like I'm on a stage, apparently. But...
Christine Schiefer: Uh, yeah. Like about to get sawed in half. [chuckle]
Em Schulz: But I also... I have a TV that's always right behind the computer, and I use it as...
Christine Schiefer: Right.
Em Schulz: Lighting and it went to a YouTube ad. So, that's...
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: That's what... That was the flashing you saw.
Christine Schiefer: That's so classy. We're so professional. umm, anyway, sorry. I didn't mean to...
Em Schulz: Anyway.
Christine Schiefer: I... It just alarmed me, 'cause all of a sudden, like there was like flashing and...
Em Schulz: It did look like there was like a glitch on my screen. Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Scary.
Em Schulz: umm, 'cause my skin was flashing different colors, apparently.
Christine Schiefer: I thought they were coming for you.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: So anyway, once they passed this thing, they looked back and it was totally gone. umm...
Christine Schiefer: That's odd.
Em Schulz: "We start talking, and Britt started talking because I was crying at this point."
Christine Schiefer: Aww.
Em Schulz: "And we tried to wrap our brains about what the actual fuck we just witnessed. We realized that none of the other cars around seemed concerned with a ship driving alongside them."
Christine Schiefer: Weird.
Em Schulz: "And no one changed speeds, no one swerved. Were we the only ones that saw it?"
Christine Schiefer: [gasp]
Em Schulz: Ugh.
Christine Schiefer: Oh.
Em Schulz: "We tried looking up, we tried looking up other sightings in the area and no one was able to get a picture of it, but there was a drawing we found, and it looked exactly like what we saw."
Christine Schiefer: No!
Em Schulz: "We made it to our Airbnb about an hour later, still shaking. And the next morning when we started our Hot Girl Ghost Hunt, we told everyone we came in contact with about it and they all believed us. Even better, they all had some crazy stories about Gilroy and weird things they'd experienced."
Christine Schiefer: Holy shit.
Em Schulz: "We ended our trip with a celebratory tattoo... "
Christine Schiefer: Yes!
Em Schulz: "And flash-forward to today, July is coming to an end, and next week Britt and I'll I will be going to the Queen Mary for another Hot Girl Ghost Hunt."
Christine Schiefer: Yay!
Em Schulz: "Uh, and another random tattoo. Any suggestions?"
Christine Schiefer: Can I come? Any suggestions? Oooh.
Em Schulz: Uh, you should get the... The mascot of the Gilroy Garlic Festival.
Christine Schiefer: The UFO.
Em Schulz: Oh.
Christine Schiefer: Oh.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: So something in between that. umm...
Christine Schiefer: Something... You could figure it out. Like both of those, mind-meld them together and make something happen.
Em Schulz: Thank you for bringing us... Oh, you could do it 'cause the... The mascot is a little garlic with a face on it...
Christine Schiefer: I see.
Em Schulz: You could him in a UFO.
Christine Schiefer: I see it. He's riding the UFO. Sure.
Em Schulz: With Xiinon, obviously.
Christine Schiefer: Obviously.
Em Schulz: "Thank you for bringing us together to celebrate all things spooky and your amazing book, which our boyfriends absolutely hate, which means... " Great. "Which means we get to... "
Christine Schiefer: Oh. Ouch. [chuckle]
Em Schulz: "Which means we get to hang out more one on one. Uh, another note: Britt hosts, uh, skate and surf meetups in Long Beach." Oh, so...
Christine Schiefer: Hey. [chuckle]
Em Schulz: "They're for... " Actually, that's good to know. "They're for women and members of the queer community to come together in a safe group, uh, to go be, well, good skate... "
Christine Schiefer: I mean, Eva's gonna go to that, right? Like she skates.
Em Schulz: "To be skaters, bladers, or surfers." Shut the fuck up.
Christine Schiefer: Come on. That's adorable.
Em Schulz: Umm, anyway, that... Thank... Thank you to Bree. That was very, very lovely.
Christine Schiefer: Beautiful. umm, I am... So like... Okay. I was driving... I drove, uh, a lot in Europe, as I mentioned, and I, the whole drive, like especially when people were sleeping, was I like, "If I see a fucking UFO right now and everyone's asleep, I'm gonna scream 'cause I won't have any other witnesses." umm...
Em Schulz: Oh yeah.
Christine Schiefer: But the whole time, I thought, "I'm gonna see a UFO," I did not. But like I want to, kind of.
Em Schulz: I...
Christine Schiefer: Do you?
Em Schulz: Do I want to see a UFO? You know, how long have we had... An opportunity to wonder about that and I still don't have that... I still don't know.
Christine Schiefer: How... How could we never answered that question? I think we're both a little scared, too. I mean, at least I think it for myself.
Em Schulz: I think my heart couldn't take it. [chuckle]
Christine Schiefer: I... I was gonna say, I think I say yes, but then in the moment, I'd be like, "Never mind. Never mind. Never mind."
Em Schulz: I am... I... It's just like the chaos. I don't wanna be in the drama, but I would like to be a secondary person. [laughter] So maybe if like we could like... Like mic someone up and I listen in.
Christine Schiefer: You wanna watch... You wanna watch me get abducted, is what you're saying? [chuckle]
Em Schulz: I wanna be like the technical director, backstage of Big Brother, and watch someone else get abducted. And I just want like the front row view. You know what I mean?
Christine Schiefer: You just wanna produce it.
Em Schulz: Yeah. [chuckle]
Christine Schiefer: Oh God. Okay. Well, I wanna see a UFO with... With the assurance that I'm just seeing it and not going aboard it.
Em Schulz: Like nothing's being... Nothing's being put... Put in me?
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, I don't wanna be in... I... Not... No invasive bullshit. I just wanna like see it and then like be done, you know?
Em Schulz: I'd be fine with that. I'd be fine with that.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. umm, but I don't know if those kind of agreements exist, uh, so...
Em Schulz: I... I just watched, umm, the latest episode of Jersey Shore, [laughter] and, uh, one of them pulled a prank on the rest of them that there was a UFO attack coming.
Christine Schiefer: Oh, that's pretty good.
Em Schulz: And he like hired like a whole drone company to come in and like have all the lights come through and like...
Christine Schiefer: Oh my God.
Em Schulz: They were in the... Like the middle of nowhere. And he like had been prepping, like been like plotting all week and saying like, "Oh, people see UFOs out here all the time. It's really wild."
Christine Schiefer: Oh, that's... You plant the idea.
Em Schulz: And then, uh... And then like hired like a hundred drones to come out and like make crazy like light maneuvers and stuff.
Christine Schiefer: That's pretty... Pretty genius. I'd be pissed off, though, if I were the friend.
Em Schulz: Next episode, we see how everyone, uh, reacts to it being a prank, so.
Christine Schiefer: Oh, I see. Okay. So you don't know yet. Yeah, I'd be...
Em Schulz: They... They left it on everyone sobbing, crying because they're so stressed, so. [chuckle]
Christine Schiefer: Oh. I would be scared and then I'd be pissed, 'cause I'd be like, "At least I got this cool experience," and then it would be a joke and I'd be so upset.
Em Schulz: I'd be pissed for five minutes and then I'd have to give it to him 'cause I'd be like, "You know what? That worked. That was a good prank."
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. It's something about it very effective. umm, wow. I can't believe you saw a UFO, Bree. Okay. umm, I have a story here. This is called Hauntings, Honeymoons, and Bigfoot Poop.
Em Schulz: Ooh!
Christine Schiefer: It is from Gabrielle, they/she, and Leo, he/him.
Em Schulz: [gasp]
Christine Schiefer: We got three separate pronouns.
Em Schulz: The trifecta.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, the trifecta. Uh, "Hello, Em, Christine, Eva and all the fur and human babies. My spouse, Leo, and I love the show and listen every Sunday when the new episodes come out." See? Some people's partners like our show and our book. Okay? [chuckle] Boyfriends of Bree and Britt. "This past week, we went on our honeymoon and we did a spooky tour from Kansas to Maine". Oh my gosh. "Do we have things to tell you." I like the idea that they were just writing a list of things to tell Em and Christine. That makes me so happy.
Em Schulz: Right. [chuckle]
Christine Schiefer: "Our first stop was the Waverly Hills Sanatorium, which was a TB word that Em covered back in episode 20. We did one of their paranormal tours and my spouse and I got the chance to interact with some... Some known spirits there. This is a lights-out tour, so the entire way is dark and spooky as you learn the history of the sanatorium and the associated ghost stories. Well, on the fourth floor, our tour group split into two and went to two separate nearly pitch-black hallways. Then the guide... " Uh, sorry. I'm about to ask you something. Is this the like... You, Em. Is this a place with like the creeper or crawler or whatever?
Em Schulz: I think so.
Christine Schiefer: Waverly Hills? Okay.
Em Schulz: Yeah. And...
Christine Schiefer: I'm like scared already. [chuckle] I don't know...
Em Schulz: And I... I... 90% I'm sure that, yes, there's...
Christine Schiefer: I feel like it's...
Em Schulz: The crawler or the creeper or whatever it is.
Christine Schiefer: Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.
Em Schulz: I think it's called the crawler.
Christine Schiefer: The crawl... Ugh! It's horrible.
Em Schulz: And it's like a just a solid black shadow figure that just walks on all of its legs, arms and legs, toward you.
Christine Schiefer: It's like crab-walking. Ugh.
Em Schulz: Ugh. Yeah. Forget it.
Christine Schiefer: Ugh. I don't even know if that's coming. I just... I just thought... [chuckle]
Em Schulz: Let's just mention it, though.
Christine Schiefer: It might not even be part of the story. [laughter] Okay. "Then the guide asked for a volunteer, and my hand shot up. My poor spouse said, 'Of course, my wife volunteered to get haunted.' The guide, Courtney, told me to walk down the pitch-black hallway... " Oh my God. Sorry. "Until she said to stop, which was about 20-30 feet away from the group. Then, Courtney, the guide, called out to Thomas and Michael and asked them to touch me." Oh my God.
Em Schulz: Bye. Okay. Let's be clear. Someone else in this room has done that.
Christine Schiefer: Who?
[laughter]
Em Schulz: Someone, who is not me, has... Has... At... During a Hot Girl Ghost Hunt has welcomed things to touch them.
Christine Schiefer: I'm like, "Who... What kind of sicko would do that?" [laughter]
Em Schulz: I know. But I'm just giving you a reality check before you go in too hard on this people. [chuckle]
Christine Schiefer: You're right. You know what? You're 100% right. I deserve that callout.
Em Schulz: [chuckle] 'Cause...
Christine Schiefer: I'm so sorry.
Em Schulz: You definitely did it. And our audiences, you could... Across the nation, [laughter] we have heard groans after we admit that you've done that.
Christine Schiefer: "You can touch me now." I know. And it actually did create quite a stir, if you, uh, wanna see our live show. umm, no spoilers, but I did say... I did say they can touch me. It was really, really dumb, so.
Em Schulz: And then something... And then they do respond to that.
Christine Schiefer: They do. Yeah. Very dramatically. Oops. And then I act like I didn't just ask for them to do that. Okay. Anyway, umm, [chuckle] "Then Courtney called out to Thomas and Michael and asked them to touch me while I stood with my arms out like a T. Suddenly, it felt like I was being pushed. And once I said so, Courtney asked them to stop, and they did. Everyone in the group said it looked like there were two people on either side of me, but I was certain I was alone. Then once Courtney heard, it was our HAUNTED HONEYMOON TOUR OF 2023... " All those are capital letters.
Em Schulz: I love that.
[chuckle]
Christine Schiefer: The HHT 2023. [chuckle] "My spouse was voluntold to get haunted next. He traded places with me and Courtney, once again asked Thomas and Michael to push him. He said it felt like his hands were grasped. And when Courtney said stop, it went away. He was concerned as to why he wasn't pushed, before realizing that he had a patch of the Virgin Mary on the back of his jacket, and he wondered if Thomas and Michael were religious, and he felt his hands get grabbed again. After that, the tour continued and while nothing else physically happened, we were certain we saw things moving in the shadows. Our next up was the Trans-Allegheny Lunatic Asylum, which was episode 22."
Em Schulz: Oof!
Christine Schiefer: I love that they're telling us because 'cause they know we don't know the episode numbers. [chuckle]
Em Schulz: I appreciate it.
Christine Schiefer: I do, too. "We didn't do a haunted tour due to timing, but we did experience some weird shit. First, we got to the area where the ice pick lobotomies would occur." No, thank you.
Em Schulz: Hmm.
Christine Schiefer: "But before our tour guide explained that, I started getting a headache right behind my eye and nose." Oh my Lord.
Em Schulz: Mmm.
Christine Schiefer: Oh my Lord. "I thought it was one of my typical migraines, but nope. She explained what the room was for, and I side-eyed my spouse, very concerned."
Em Schulz: I can't hear that without holding my eyeballs.
Christine Schiefer: I'm literally... My sinuses are aching just thinking about it. That's horrible. "She explained the room... We left the room and it disappeared. Also, my spouse and I were exploring some rooms on one of the top floors, and he thought I was behind him and says he even saw a body walking with him from his peripheral, but I had moved to look at some art. I followed him in to find him talking to the empty room and he was so confused when I said I hadn't been with him." So he was genuinely like talking to them and they were not there.
Em Schulz: Ugh. Forget it.
Christine Schiefer: "We also did some cryptozoology stuff while on our trip, including seeing the one, the only, Mothman in Point Pleasant, West Virginia, as well as the International Cryptozoology Museum in Portland, Maine, where Em went."
Em Schulz: Damn. They really...
Christine Schiefer: I said... I'd say that.
Em Schulz: They hit up all the spots. Yes, I did go to that zoo. And I actually... Zoo?
Christine Schiefer: A zoo? [laughter]
Em Schulz: What was it? Museum? Oh, cryptozoology is where my brain went. Uh...
Christine Schiefer: It was like, "Oh my God. It's a zoo also? A petting zoo?"
[laughter]
Em Schulz: No. umm, I actually... I feel like I accidentally ended up there when we were in Portland, Maine.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. And you sent like... Somehow I doubt that because you sent me like 8000 photos the entire time being like, "Look, it's you. Look, it's you. Look, I have a statue of you. Look, they have a picture of you." Like the most grotesque drawings of all these cryptids.
Em Schulz: They had... In one case, I feel like... Didn't they... They had like the... The world's biggest, most discovered... Or... Pile of poop from a cryptid or something.
Christine Schiefer: Oh, maybe that's what they were saying. Oh, wait. Oh wait, it's in here. Yes, I'm sorry. It's literally the next sentence.
Em Schulz: Okay.
Christine Schiefer: "The museum was small, but had so many interesting things, like models of the Pukwudgie, episode 137, Bigfoot, episode 215, and Mothman, episode 67. They even had a life-sized model of what Bigfoot's poop would look like."
Em Schulz: There it is.
Christine Schiefer: That's so funny. The... And you probably sent me a photo and said, "Look, it's you." So, I just, uh...
Em Schulz: I said, "Look, it smells like you."
Christine Schiefer: [laughter] Also, that was like our last tour before Coronavirus, so, good times.
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm. Yeah, that was February 2020.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. RIP. "The place was weird and just up our and your alley. I've emailed pictures of our trip for your viewing pleasure and hope you enjoyed our spooky tales. We love the show and can't wait to see where you go from here. Lots of love. Gabby, they/she, and Leo, he/him." Aww!
Em Schulz: Thank you, Gabby and Leo.
Christine Schiefer: This is like beautiful stories.
Em Schulz: And thank you for the thesis research on all of our episodes. So we...
Christine Schiefer: I love it. This is like an ad.
Em Schulz: Thank you for the multiple shoutouts.
Christine Schiefer: I feel like the first story was an ad for our book. This is an ad for all our past episodes.
Em Schulz: Maybe that's what Eva was trying to do, was just help us promote. [chuckle]
Christine Schiefer: She's like, "You need some marketing." Okay. Let's move it.
Em Schulz: Well, thank you, thank you both. And the next one, I'm already excited about because, uh, it sounds a little dramatic.
Christine Schiefer: Ooh.
Em Schulz: And this is from Emma, who uses she/her pronouns. Thank you for normalizing pronouns. The title is And That's Why We Drink Episode... This, by the way, is the opposite of promotion for us. And That's Why We Drink, Episode, Makes Me Vomit three... 35,000 Feet In The Air.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: I was like, "What do you mean opposite of... " Oh, oh.
Em Schulz: So, umm, this brings us back down. We had our head in the clouds. Now we're... We're humbled yet once again.
Christine Schiefer: Uh, to be fair, we're still 35,000 feet in the air, just covered in vomit.
Em Schulz: Yeah. [chuckle] Okay. So here we go. "Hello, Em and Christine. I've been listening to your podcast for four years now and have never had the opportunity to write in until Christine suggested stories that correlate with the podcast."
Christine Schiefer: Oh, good.
Em Schulz: "I genuinely have no explanation for this experience, but I thought you might find it as terrible as I do. Around the time when I first started listening to your podcast, I was playing on an ice hockey team... " That's so badass.
Christine Schiefer: What?
Em Schulz: "Which... Which occasionally required we fly outta state." A... A travel ice hockey team. Damn.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. I mean, hello. It's not even like an intramural thing. That's so cool.
Em Schulz: "Some of us, uh... Some of these flights included Washington, Chicago, and New York, and all of which are usually long flights from my home in Cali." Okay. "We didn't have wired headphones to watch movies on this particular flight, so I downloaded a couple And That's Why We Drink episodes to listen to for the eight-hour trip to pass the time. One of these episodes, my mom actually recommended I listen to."
Christine Schiefer: I feel like that was probably like one episode for an eight-hour trip. [chuckle]
Em Schulz: I know.
Christine Schiefer: I'm like, "A couple or just one?"
Em Schulz: You could've done one of our birthday episodes and listen twice and you'd be there.
Christine Schiefer: [laughter] Yeah.
Em Schulz: "One of these episodes, my mom actually recommended I listen to... " Love that your mom listens to this, too.
Christine Schiefer: Precious.
Em Schulz: "umm, because of how scary she remembered it being. I'll save us all the apologies and we'll just call him Daubert the Wall."
Christine Schiefer: [laughter] The what?
Em Schulz: Uh, episode 4, I think it is, is our very first doll.
Christine Schiefer: Wouldn't it be Dobert the Roll? Whatever.
Em Schulz: Yeah, I think it's... I... I would say Dobert the Roll, if we're just reversing the letters.
Christine Schiefer: Not to like correct you and your... I don't even know why I'm... It's sort of my opinion.
Em Schulz: Maybe Emma just wanted, and even one step further removed.
Christine Schiefer: You're right. I don't know why I'm trying to say it over and over again.
Em Schulz: Daubert the Rall. umm, "I've never had a paranormal experience I could attribute to ghosts. So when Em was describing the violent feelings people get after visiting him or seeing him, I wasn't thinking anything of it until about two quarters into the episode when I got violently ill."
Christine Schiefer: Oh no.
Em Schulz: "I'm prone to motion sickness, but there was absolutely no turbulence. Plus, I had flown several times with no sickness. But not only that, but my motion sickness had never driven me to the point of extreme nausea."
Christine Schiefer: Ooh.
Em Schulz: "I had to pull out that little vomit bag from the seat in front of me just to alleviate some of the illness."
Christine Schiefer: Have you ever done that, Em? Taken one of those bags out?
Em Schulz: I've been close to it a couple times.
Christine Schiefer: I have a couple times pulled them out and been like, "Please God, no, I don't wanna be that guy."
Em Schulz: I've never seen anyone actually use one, which, umm...
Christine Schiefer: Oh, I have. Oof. But I have not used one myself. Thank God.
Em Schulz: I... And also, you... As you're about to get sick and you look at that thin little piece of paper, you're like, "This isn't gonna do anything."
Christine Schiefer: You're like, "We all know how bad... " And then the person next to you is like, "Oh, no. They're pulling out the barf bag."
Em Schulz: I... Also, I wonder how people don't just have like better versions of barf bags that they bring with them. You know?
Christine Schiefer: I mean, I feel like...
Em Schulz: Like I feel like there's gotta be an Etsy creation of a thicker paper barf bag that's disposable, and you can just buy a pack of 10 or something.
Christine Schiefer: Barf bags, etsy.com. [laughter] Umm, well, so what I wonder, too, is like, uh, I just feel like nobody thinks, "Oh, I'm gonna throw up on this plane." Like everyone thinks like, "Oh, I'll be okay. I'll prevent nausea with like the... The bands, the Dramamine." Like you try everything to prevent it. I feel like you just don't even think like to bring a barf bag for when you actually... You know what I mean? Like...
Em Schulz: That's true.
Christine Schiefer: That stuff...
Em Schulz: Unless you like have children and you're used to like needing...
Christine Schiefer: True.
Em Schulz: One of everything all the time.
Christine Schiefer: True. umm, I... There are some vintage novelty, uh, barf bags, but I bet they work less well...
Em Schulz: Right.
Christine Schiefer: Than the current ones, 'cause they're vintage, so. [chuckle]
Em Schulz: I'm just surprised there isn't like at least like a really thick plastic bag or something, you know? Like something that like can't leak.
Christine Schiefer: Well, they do sell them... Well, they have them... They do at, uh, hospitals, like the ones that have the circle.
Em Schulz: Mmm.
Christine Schiefer: Uh, I don't know if you've ever used those, but I've puked at a hospital, and they have like plastic...
Em Schulz: I don't... I don't think I could actually... I wouldn't be able to aim with a barf bag.
Christine Schiefer: No, no, you put like your whole face in it, basically.
Em Schulz: Oh, okay.
Christine Schiefer: I'll show you.
Em Schulz: 'Cause I... When I throw up... Is everyone having fun? Someone out there is feeling really sick right now.
Christine Schiefer: [chuckle] I know. What is wrong with us?
Em Schulz: But when I... When I do it, I really just... I look like a cat having a fur ball situation. Like it's just... It's... My mouth is just open and wherever it goes, it goes. So like...
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. I'm the same way. I don't have aim. umm, but this is...
Em Schulz: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Here it is. I'll send you a picture. It's basically like you put your whole face on it, so you can't really miss.
Em Schulz: Uh-huh. I would need my whole... Yeah, my whole face...
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Em Schulz: Like forehead to chin...
Christine Schiefer: Hmm, yeah. [chuckle]
Em Schulz: Just to catch everything. [chuckle]
Christine Schiefer: Gross. I hate puking.
[chuckle]
Em Schulz: Okay, well, it gets even grosser because, uh, Emma says, "All while Em is in my ear depicting the horrible car crash people got into after disrespecting him... "
Christine Schiefer: Great.
Em Schulz: Is when she's feeling this incredible nausea.
Christine Schiefer: Super duper.
Em Schulz: "Not sure what I did to this doll. Please don't crash this plane," is all Emma was thinking.
Christine Schiefer: Ooh.
Em Schulz: "Anyway, I thought after clearing out my stomach, the feeling would leave and I would sleep it off." I like how poor Emma is vomiting with us in their ears, in her ears.
Christine Schiefer: Oh. I feel like that's one of those things where now you can never eat shrimp again and you can never listen to our podcast again.
Em Schulz: Yeah.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: Uh, "Anyway, I thought, uh, after clearing my stomach, the feeling would leave and I would sleep it off, but it didn't. I am not kidding when I say I filled that paper bag." Oh my God.
Christine Schiefer: Oh!
Em Schulz: "At some point, one of the flight attendants came around and gave me a whole 42-gallon trash bag to hurl into."
Christine Schiefer: Oh! They... So they're, they're like, "We have the good stuff back here."
Em Schulz: Ugh, the poor people sitting next to you too. I know like, poor you, but like additionally, poor people sitting next to you.
Christine Schiefer: Hopefully, it was at least... Yeah, hopefully, it was at least your teammates, you know?
Em Schulz: "It was awful, because there was no relief for two hours."
Christine Schiefer: [gasp] What the fuck is happening?
Em Schulz: How do even have that... That much stuff in your belly?
Christine Schiefer: Oh.
Em Schulz: Like eventually, you're just dry heaving. Oh, I feel so bad.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's horrible.
Em Schulz: "My dad, who was sitting next to me, said I was throwing up so hard. I looked like I was turning into a werewolf." Aww.
Christine Schiefer: Aww. And you know, like your eyes get all red. Ugh.
Em Schulz: Ugh.
Christine Schiefer: I... I'm sending you...
Em Schulz: And then you have to go play ice hockey? Forget it.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. Who are we kidding? I'm sending you...
Em Schulz: I'd be like, "Turn this fucking plane around."
Christine Schiefer: I would just put my face on the ice and be like, I'm recovering and cooling myself off." I sent you another picture of some barf bags I found on Etsy that have cats vomiting on them.
Em Schulz: I appreciate that you have not given up yet. The tenacity is great.
Christine Schiefer: I just like don't... I don't like those because like if I look... If I were nauseated and then I looked at that and I saw a picture of a cat throwing up, I would probably be like, "Alright, here we go."
Em Schulz: Maybe it's to help induce it.
Christine Schiefer: Maybe. I don't know if anyone... Why anyone would want that, but...
Em Schulz: I don't know. I'm someone where if I just think about throwing up, I can throw up.
Christine Schiefer: Me, too.
Em Schulz: So, look out. Look out, everyone.
Christine Schiefer: Look out. [chuckle]
Em Schulz: At some... Like literally nobody's listening anymore.
Christine Schiefer: And that... [chuckle] And that's the magic trick. That's why you're the... [chuckle] You're the magician, not the assistant.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: "At some point, I laid my head in my neck pillow on that tiny airplane tray, closed my eyes, and prayed for it all to go away. I don't remember if I apologized, but either way, he either forgave me or I passed out, when I lifted my head and the feeling was gone, like nothing ever happened."
Christine Schiefer: [gasp] You poor thing.
Em Schulz: "Not even that uneasy feeling in my stomach after expelling everything. I'm not sure if there's a type of illness that only lasts a couple hours, or if I somehow managed to get the worst motion sickness I've ever experienced with no movement, but I am terrified to listen to any more stories about haunted dolls."
Christine Schiefer: Oh.
Em Schulz: "I'm even a little scared to be writing this down in my room right now. Thanks for... "
Christine Schiefer: I don't blame you.
Em Schulz: Me, either. "Thanks for all you do. And I love listening on my commute to college." Apparently not about dolls, though. Umm, and then...
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. And maybe not in the plane.
Em Schulz: And then it signed Emma, a Scorpio and all of a sudden, I don't feel bad for you at all.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: umm, just kidding.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: But thank you, Emma, for your story. And apologies to everyone else listening, if you are prone to getting sick.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. Whoops. umm, I will say, uh, or if you're like pregnant, have morning sickness and it's easily triggered, I'm so sorry. umm, also...
Em Schulz: Was it more easily triggered when you were pregnant?
Christine Schiefer: Oh yeah.
Em Schulz: Really?
Christine Schiefer: I was so nauseous for like months. Horrible, horrible, horrible. Umm, I only threw up a few times, but it's just the worst.
Em Schulz: And I... See, I hate being nauseous more than throwing up. I will happily throw up just to get rid of the nausea.
Christine Schiefer: I know. And I never have the guts, so to speak, to like actually throw up. [chuckle] 'Cause I'm like, "I don't wanna throw up," 'cause I hate throwing up, but I don't wanna... I don't know. It's just like a lose-lose, 'cause you always... I feel like even after you throw up, you're still nauseous.
Em Schulz: Does everyone wanna know a really stupid secret about me?
Christine Schiefer: Always.
Em Schulz: About me throwing up?
Christine Schiefer: Yes.
Em Schulz: So I heard from somebody at some point, and I don't know where I got this from, I could have made it up in my own fucking dreams.
Christine Schiefer: Hmm, you heard it from yourself. [chuckle]
Em Schulz: I might have heard it from myself, that... 'Cause the thing a lot of people hate about getting sick is like it coming outta your nose. That's like the worst.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Em Schulz: And so I heard, to prevent that, to like block your nasal passages, scream while you're throwing up. [chuckle]
Christine Schiefer: Oh my God!
Em Schulz: And so like to... Like, you use your... Your voice, your vocal cords, and your nasal passages will close up. I don't know if that... If that's totally supposed to be true. But I will say, ever since I... Like...
Christine Schiefer: Wait. That's true. Because you can't breathe in while you're talking. Like, you can't... Your nose... You can't breathe in air while you're...
Em Schulz: Well, so, my... A secret about me is every time... Ever since I learned that, every time I throw up I just scream. Like, I just...
Christine Schiefer: [laughter] I'm sorry. That's...
Em Schulz: And it works. And... But to this... In years, I've never had throw-up come outta my nose, no matter how violently I'm getting sick.
Christine Schiefer: Oh!
Em Schulz: But it sounds... But it sounds like a monster in the bathroom, 'cause I'm just going, "Aaaaah," as I'm throwing up.
Christine Schiefer: I like how it... It's like you're like, "Oh, it's a much more pleasant experience," but it sounds like... [laughter]
Em Schulz: It is for me.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Em Schulz: Everyone else is probably scared, but I'm having... Uh, it could just comes outta my mouth and I'll go like, "Alright, well, that was it."
Christine Schiefer: Gross. [chuckle] Oh, I hate throwing up.
Em Schulz: So anyway, if someone... If someone is about to get sick later today or in the future, just try it. And it has always made the experience better for me. And now I'm like not scared to throw... Throw up.
Christine Schiefer: I just feel like now everybody is vomiting 'cause we've talked about so much. And like in the midst of vomiting, they're just starting to... Starting to scream. umm...
Em Schulz: umm, let's put, uh, in the... In the description, too, like a content warning for throw-up, just...
Christine Schiefer: For... Yeah. 'Cause some people have genuine deep fear of it. [chuckle]
Em Schulz: Well, after we do...
Christine Schiefer: umm, I'm not laughing at it; I'm just saying we've really, uh, screwed those people over, and I'm so sorry.
Em Schulz: After we do this, let's do like, umm... Let's record a quick like PSA or something.
Christine Schiefer: Oh, good idea. Good idea. Good idea.
Em Schulz: And put it in front of the episode.
Christine Schiefer: Ooffa.
Em Schulz: Okay. Anyway, thank you for everything, Emma, for whatever you've caused for all people today. [chuckle]
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. It feels like... And you said... I wonder, is there an illness like this? I wonder... I mean, probably some sort of food poisoning also. Just... Just... Just to keep... I don't know. I will say, on the Amsterdam flight, they gave us... This is not gonna help the people who are feeling sick. They gave us egg salad sandwiches...
Em Schulz: Ugh.
Christine Schiefer: At like 9:00 in the morning. And I was like, "What a choice," you know, "to give everyone on the airplane."
Em Schulz: Yeah, that's a bold choice.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. It... It felt odd.
Em Schulz: I... That happened when, umm, when I was flying back from the Philippines, the food... Some of the food was like really killer, and some of it, I was like, "You're so lucky I actually don't hate this food."
Christine Schiefer: They're just brave.
Em Schulz: 'Cause there's...
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Em Schulz: Some of it is so controversial. [chuckle] It's like...
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, yeah. That's what I was... That's the right word. It was like, "Wow, what a... What a bold choice."
Em Schulz: What if...
Christine Schiefer: Like [chuckle] I'm sure half the plane is like, "What?"
Em Schulz: I wouldn't eat it. I can't... I can't stand egg salad.
Christine Schiefer: I... I love egg salad, but even at 9... 9:00 AM.
Em Schulz: And vegans? Fuck you, apparently. Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: umm, okay, so, I'm gonna eat a McEgg salad later. Uh, okay. This is...
Em Schulz: But don't throw up.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: This is called... Okay, so throw up talk has stopped now for people who have to fast... Fast forward. This is called Coincidence or Cryptid, and it's from Danielle, she/her. "Hello, Em, Christine, Eva, and all the babies fur, flesh, and citrus. [chuckle] I've had small odd things happen to me throughout my life and childhood. Like things go missing for years and then be in the middle of the room one random day and the occasional feeling of being watched. But I have never had an experience that left me truly unnerved like the following one."
Em Schulz: Hmm.
Christine Schiefer: "My husband and I try to travel cross-country for a full month once a year in our truck and small camper with our dog, Timber. We've camped in many places, some very secluded in the middle of nowhere, some in campgrounds with a lot of people around. We had never felt uncomfortable anywhere we've stayed. On our road trip in 2021, we went from our home state of New York to South Dakota, Montana, and Wyoming. On our way from Montana, south toward Wyoming, we stayed at a campground in Big Sky, Montana, within the Gallatin National Forest. It was right off the main highway, but nothing else was around, no towns, just thick forest and this campground. The campground was pretty full of people nestled along a river. It was beautiful, and we felt very comfortable and safe there. Our campsite was large with a lot of trees and a narrow dirt path through the woods to the river. We were only staying one night on our way through and settled in, had our dinner, and went to bed. That night, I had an extremely vivid dream that I was standing outside the door of our camper looking toward the back of the campsite at the dirt path down to the river."
Em Schulz: Hmm.
Christine Schiefer: "There was an eerily tall, thin, pale creature that could have possibly been a woman, but wasn't, standing at the edge of the path with long dark hair and no face." Okay, literally, I was expecting a Bigfoot story; this is so much worse. [laughter] Like this is like 10 times worse. Like a tall, pale figure...
Em Schulz: This is... This one feels evil. Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Like so bad. So bad. "It was just blank where its face would be." Ugh.
Em Schulz: Ugh. I hate the faceless ones.
Christine Schiefer: The faceless ones really gets me. Like I had a nightmare about that when I was a kid, and I'm still skeeved by that.
Em Schulz: Hmm.
Christine Schiefer: "She didn't speak to me. I didn't hear a voice. But I got the message in my head that she didn't want us there. And if we didn't leave, she was going to do something horrible to... To us." Oh my God.
Em Schulz: Hmm.
Christine Schiefer: "I told her out loud, 'We are only staying the night and will leave first thing in the morning. Please leave us alone. I promise we are just passing through.' She didn't move or respond."
Em Schulz: [gasp] Ugh!
Christine Schiefer: This is creeping me the fuck out right now.
Em Schulz: Girl, I wanna go back to the throw-up story. This is... I hate this.
Christine Schiefer: [laughter] "Right at that moment, I startled awake and sat up in bed to get my bearings. It was in the middle of the night, and our dog, Timber, was growling ferociously like I had never heard him do before."
Em Schulz: Hmm.
Christine Schiefer: "He had his fur raised up on his back, going to all the windows and sniffing the air. I had this ominous gut feeling something wasn't right and immediately jumped up and made sure our door was locked. And I shut and locked every window, parenthesis, (as if that would save me and my little tin can of a camper from some cryptid or paranormal being). I woke my husband up and told him I didn't feel safe here, to which he just mumbled and fell back to sleep, of course."
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: "Timber and I sat there in bed awake the rest of the night. And as soon as it started getting light out, I woke my husband's ass up and we left. We didn't even make our coffee." That's how you know they're committed to leaving.
Em Schulz: Also, Timber is an A1 since day one. Like I...
Christine Schiefer: Oh my god, for real. The hero.
Em Schulz: Thank God you had somebody, 'cause your husband was not... I would... I'd divorce him, actually, just to be honest.
Christine Schiefer: [chuckle] Yeah. I would just like turn the key and drive away. I'd be like...
Em Schulz: I'd be like, "Well, since you feel so damn comfortable here, I'll leave you, and Timber and I are out."
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. "You stay with this fuckin' creepy lady." "Needless to say, I will never stay at that campground... " Okay, what's also creepy, sorry to interrupt again, is like that you dreamt you were standing right outside the camper. Like I feel like...
Em Schulz: Ugh!
Christine Schiefer: In a dream, you're usually like in some random faraway place, not like right there.
Em Schulz: You know, it's... It's... It's like they want to... It's like they almost... Like you were...
Christine Schiefer: Like summoned you.
Em Schulz: It... It feels... It feels like a by force astral projection into someone else's brain or... Or something.
Christine Schiefer: Yes. Yes. Like they drew your consciousness out to talk to you.
Em Schulz: Which means even like in another realm, you're not safe...
Christine Schiefer: Yes.
Em Schulz: Because they can... They can manipulate you to do whatever they want, including see through their eyes into your camper.
Christine Schiefer: Yes. And like Danielle said, even if you lock the door, they're like, "Well, I can bring you outside anyway." Ooh.
Em Schulz: Ugh!
Christine Schiefer: Oh. "Needless to say, I will never stay at that campground again. I would have brushed it off as a creepy nightmare if I didn't wake up to my dog acting like something predatory was outside at that very moment. I still get a tight feeling in my chest every time I think about it. I've tried to research the area and read reviews of the campground, but found nothing odd. Have you heard of any creature or cryptid like this? Lots of love, Danielle." Oh my gosh.
Em Schulz: I've only heard of like demons being able to do that.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. It sounds like the woman thing by the water... Is there water? Was there water? I forget. Sounds kinda like La Llorona, like drawing you out.
Em Schulz: Hmm.
Christine Schiefer: But...
Em Schulz: Oh yeah.
Christine Schiefer: The faceless and all that? I don't know.
Em Schulz: The... The peering into, the feeling like you're being... You're seeing through their eyes feels demonic. I mean, we just covered recently the Shaker's Cigar Bar...
Christine Schiefer: Yes.
Em Schulz: Which by the way, you and I have to have our own hot girl ghost hunt there...
Christine Schiefer: Yes.
Em Schulz: Because the amount of people... We... After every episode, we get some people reaching out to us being like, "Oh, I had an experience there." Shaker's Cigar Bar has blown my DMs up.
Christine Schiefer: Really?
Em Schulz: Like everyone has... Has been sending in their own videos...
Christine Schiefer: [gasp]
Em Schulz: Where like there's glitches in the film and like everyone's freaking out.
Christine Schiefer: Oh shit.
Em Schulz: umm, but... And at Shaker's Cigar Bar that happened... Happens when we're in the basement...
Christine Schiefer: Oh yes.
Em Schulz: People have been standing there and all of a sudden, they can... They can like black out and they can see themselves as if someone...
Christine Schiefer: As they like run toward themselves, right?
Em Schulz: Yeah. Ugh.
Christine Schiefer: Ugh. Although I don't think this one said that they saw themselves. I think it was just they...
Em Schulz: It was they could see the camper, though.
Christine Schiefer: So they... So she said she was standing outside the camper in this dream and she saw a woman in the distance who was tall, thin...
Em Schulz: Oh!
Christine Schiefer: Had long dark hair and no face. And this part reminds me of ET, like of an extraterrestrial. "I didn't hear a voice, but I got a message in my head that I shouldn't be there."
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: You know how like they... You hear those stories where like, uh, you just can like communicate?
Em Schulz: Yeah. Telepathically, they...
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. Telepathically. Yes. Yes. Yes. umm, so I don't think they said like, "Oh, I saw from the creature's eyes."
Em Schulz: I think I just inserted my own fears into that. Sorry. umm...
Christine Schiefer: But that would be even worse. [chuckle]
Em Schulz: I mean, if you, if you're standing outside the camper, if you just turned around and just looked in the window, I wonder what you would have seen. Ooh. But no, to just know that you're...
Christine Schiefer: Oh, you could have seen your... Oh, yeah.
Em Schulz: To know that you're not supposed to be there as you're staring into a... The non-face of a faceless woman is...
Christine Schiefer: Ugh.
Em Schulz: I can't think of something that I wanna do less.
Christine Schiefer: And the creepy part, like imagine the next day like getting ready to leave and stepping out of the camper and being like, "Oh, last night, this is where I was standing in my dream," and like that's where the lady was. Ooh. umm...
Em Schulz: I truly can't imagine.
Christine Schiefer: No. And Danielle also says, "PS, if you guys ever go camping in the Montana wilderness," I won't, especially after this, but maybe.
Em Schulz: [chuckle] Yeah. I... I'll hotel at best. Thanks.
Christine Schiefer: [laughter] We're glamping. Okay. umm, make sure you bring Gio to let you know when the things are lurking. umm, but he will probably bark at a spider, so I will probably be convinced there's somebody outside every five seconds.
Em Schulz: Thank you so much. Also, just to add even more fears to everything going on...
Christine Schiefer: Great.
Em Schulz: What if Timber had the same thing? Like where like...
Christine Schiefer: [gasp] What if Timber was next to you in the dream?
Em Schulz: Yeah. What if Timber had his own experience where all of a sudden, he felt like he was standing outside the camper and something scary told him not to be there?
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. Or was threatening you and he got protective. Aww, Timber.
Em Schulz: Aww. I hate that they can't talk. Imagine if animals could talk and all they wanted to tell you about were the like fucking shadow figures at the foot of your bed.
Christine Schiefer: They'd be like, "There's another one, and another one, and another one." Maybe that's how they'd talk.
Em Schulz: They'd be like, "How are you not seeing this?"
[laughter]
Em Schulz: I'd be like, "Can you go back to not fucking talking? I want this spell taken away."
Christine Schiefer: "I want another face. [laughter] Yeah, I... I regret this hex I put on you."
Em Schulz: You know, speaking of which, let's just bring this full circle, how I called you Eliza Thornberry earlier.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Em Schulz: Imagine like a... You know how Riverdale and there's all these shows that are reimagined but scary? Someone should do spooky reimagined Eliza Thornberry where she can finally talk to animals who are seeing the shit we can't see.
Christine Schiefer: Oh no. And they're like, "We finally found someone to... To save humanity."
Em Schulz: And she accidentally, as the globetrotter she is, now her job is to travel to places, to exorcise homes with the help of her animal friends who can see what she can't.
Christine Schiefer: Okay, now we're talking. Let's get this rolling.
Em Schulz: Ding, ding, ding!
Christine Schiefer: It's too bad there's a strike happening. We got a...
Em Schulz: I... I smell a Hollywood brilliant idea.
Christine Schiefer: Blockbuster.
Em Schulz: If only Hollywood was kind to its people.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. Maybe someday. Probably not. Maybe.
Em Schulz: Anyway, everyone remember that idea, because if it ever gets used, I was the first to say something.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, Em said it first.
Em Schulz: TM, TM, TM, TM.
Christine Schiefer: TM, TM, TM, TM.
Em Schulz: Alright, well, we've got, uh, another story here. And this is from Katie, who uses she/her pronouns. Thank you for normalizing pronouns. And the subject line is Secret Unsolved Murder at my Favorite Dive Motel!
Christine Schiefer: Ooh. We got a true crime.
Em Schulz: There's been a murder.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: Also...
Christine Schiefer: Savannah.
Em Schulz: I... [chuckle] I can tell you real quick, I have a feeling that, umm, Katie has anxiety. And here's how I can tell you. Because the very first...
Christine Schiefer: 'Cause, uh, she listens to our podcast? Oh, okay.
Em Schulz: [chuckle] 'Cause the very first sentence is something I'd fucking say, uh, that says, "Hello, this might look long, but I've appropriately timed reading it out, and this story takes under four minutes."
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Stop. This is literally us, always. But... But like, not on this show, but in any other circumstance. [laughter]
Em Schulz: Katie is giving the energy of someone who reads the menu before going to the restaurant...
Christine Schiefer: Oh, for sure.
Em Schulz: So she knows what she wants.
Christine Schiefer: For sure. I love this about you, Katie.
Em Schulz: Uh, Katie says, "Okay, I'll try to make this short and sweet, but you need some backstory. My mom and I take trips together, and we have this tiny, little beach hotel on the coast in Florida that we go to a few times a year. We stumbled upon it randomly, and it's now my absolute favorite place in the world."
Christine Schiefer: Aww.
Em Schulz: "It's a little 1950s, '60s, single-story dive motel looking place where the buildings are painted pink and blue, and the place is decorated with dolphins, seashells, and patio furniture."
Christine Schiefer: Love it.
Em Schulz: Precious. "I'll refrain from using the name, but let me know if you want after reading. It's right on the water. And behind the main office is a patio in Tiki Hutt with chairs that overlooked the beach. Every time we're there, we end up talking to the other guests and it just feels like home. This last time we were visiting, we were supposed to check out after night two, but for the first full 24 hours when we got there, it stormed and poured literal buckets, so we decided to stay another night if they had a room available."
Christine Schiefer: Hmm.
Em Schulz: "We always grab my elderly aunt from the house in central Florida, and we've, uh... When we've crammed all three of us into almost every room so far."
Christine Schiefer: I love this like tradition. This is adorable.
Em Schulz: I love that they're like, "Come on, Aunt," whatever. Like...
Christine Schiefer: We grab her. [laughter]
Em Schulz: "I... I know you have your own home and full of space... "
Christine Schiefer: [laughter] "With air conditioning and... "
Em Schulz: "But you're gonna come hang out with us in this little back patio storm hotel."
Christine Schiefer: It sounds so cute.
Em Schulz: Uh, "Oh, we've all been into almost every room. However, there's one room we had never stayed in before. We asked the woman who runs the front desk, uh, if they have any rooms for the next night or two, and she tells us, 'Yes, there is one motel room unit that has a double bed and a futon, and we should look to see if we think it's enough room.'"
Christine Schiefer: Okay.
Em Schulz: I like how... Like you can tell this is a small business because they're like, "Let me just give you a tour of the place and you tell me what fucking suits you." umm...
Christine Schiefer: "Oh, we got a futon. Does that work?"
[laughter]
Em Schulz: It's like, "Here, come look at the futon and tell me... Come get things down."
Christine Schiefer: I guess I have also a motel, 'cause I have a futon. So, I guess you could stay here.
Em Schulz: Christine has probably a hundred pieces of furniture in her entire house, and I still say, "No, no. That weird little window sill like a cat is where I wanna sleep."
Christine Schiefer: [laughter] And that's where everyone wants to sleep. I'm like, "I have a perfectly nice Casper mattress over here." "Nope." [laughter]
Em Schulz: I like to think if one day and like something apocalyptic happened and then there were like tours of like everyone's homes who used to live here. Everyone's gonna go to your house and be like, "But where's that window sill everyone took a nap at?"
Christine Schiefer: "Where's that nap spot you got?" I'm gonna start charging to... And then I'll become king of apocalypse. I'll be like, "It's $2 to sleep in... Or give me all your canned goods if you wanna take a nap on this little bench." [laughter] That'll be my racket that I run.
Em Schulz: I would like red carpet that shit and be like, "No one's touching this. It is now a shrine."
Christine Schiefer: [chuckle] "It's Em's." Yeah.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Oh.
Em Schulz: Umm, okay, so Futon, "You can go check and see what you think of it." Umm, "To our luck, I, I'll literally sleep anywhere, and I actually... I have actually called a bathtub home for a night a time or two. So we switched rooms and settled in for the night. The next morning, we head outside to the patio with our cups of coffee and whatever grocery store vacation pastry we had for the morning and settled in to watch a scheduled space shuttle launch from the beach a few miles down."
Christine Schiefer: Ooh, what? This is, I mean, built-in entertainment? This sounds great.
Em Schulz: "We make friends, and this... This time with a man that we'll call Frank and his daughter who's in her mid 20s that we'll call Annie. They stay at this hotel multiple times a month as a little vacation to escape some of Annie's everyday life health issues."
Christine Schiefer: Aww. Hmm.
Em Schulz: This place sounds like a haven for so many people.
Christine Schiefer: Something magical. Yeah. I feel like there's something magical about it.
Em Schulz: "Small talk ensues as the launch gets delayed and we sit waiting in the sunny, salty air. Uh, we both become fast friends and even offer Annie our extra ticket for Disney World the next day to come along with us." umm, uh, oh, and then there's a old note that says, "Thanks, Frank, for trusting us with Annie. And we love her as much... And... And for loving her as much as we do now." That's very sweet.
Christine Schiefer: Oh, I'm... This is a beautiful story so far. I don't know where it's gonna go dark, but...
Em Schulz: Yeah. Where's the throw-up and faceless woman?
Christine Schiefer: I'm scared. Yeah. [laughter]
Em Schulz: "Uh, Frank then asks which room we're staying in, and when we say Room 8, Annie chimes in and says, 'Oh, the murder room.'"
Christine Schiefer: Oh no.
Em Schulz: There it is.
Christine Schiefer: There it is.
Em Schulz: "Umm, wait a damn minute."
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Indeed.
Em Schulz: "'I... I need to hear more,' and the front desk lady is standing out there and pipes up something in the effect of, 'Don't tell them about that.'" [chuckle]
Christine Schiefer: Oh shit. Oh shit.
Em Schulz: Oh man, I thought this girl was your homie, but apparently, she is... She was like, "There's a futon. That's all you need to be focused on, the futon."
Christine Schiefer: Wink.
Em Schulz: "Turns out there have been a few deaths in this hotel. It was built in the '40s. And the most recent one was about two months before this trip in our room. Uh, a woman and someone that they assumed was her boyfriend checked in under the woman's name."
Christine Schiefer: [gasp]
Em Schulz: "And on the first night they were there, something terrible happened."
Christine Schiefer: Oh no.
Em Schulz: "The motel room has a small bathroom window that faces the tiny parking lot that's maybe 12 inches by 18 inches. And someone was coming back to the hotel late at night and found the woman's body half in the bathroom and half outside, slumped down the wall."
Christine Schiefer: [gasp] Oh my God. Oh no.
Em Schulz: "There was blood everywhere. And after calling 911 and getting ahold of someone at the hotel, they went inside the room. The room was all disheveled and there was stuff everywhere. Inside the main room area, there was blood splatter on some of the cabinets and the door from the main room to the bathroom that was locked from the inside."
Christine Schiefer: [gasp]
Em Schulz: "There were knife marks in the bathroom door, like whoever was in the main room was trying to get into the bathroom."
Christine Schiefer: [gasp]
Em Schulz: "And the boyfriend was gone. It turns out she was bleeding out... Or she died from bleeding out after cutting herself in the glass window while trying to desperately escape."
Christine Schiefer: [gasp] Oh my God! And how long did this happen before...
Em Schulz: Two months.
Christine Schiefer: What? I thought this was like the '40s.
Em Schulz: Hmm.
Christine Schiefer: Oh shit.
Em Schulz: Which... It blows my mind. I know we are a true crime podcast that talk about things that are even very recent...
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Em Schulz: But it still blows my mind that things like this can happen today. Like it...
Christine Schiefer: Just like every day. It's horrible. Horrible.
Em Schulz: It's so foreign to what should be happening.
Christine Schiefer: Mm-hmm.
Em Schulz: Uh, "One other room recalled hearing an argument, but no one knew much more. Something must have ensued before she made it to the bathroom, though, because of the blood splatter on the... Uh, the blood splatter on, in the main room."
Christine Schiefer: Jesus Christ.
Em Schulz: "The police and hotel tracked on the woman's family, and they... That... And they stated they didn't know of... Of any boyfriend, and she was supposed to be on a road trip by herself."
Christine Schiefer: [gasp] Oh.
Em Schulz: The death was... So maybe it was like a hookup or maybe it was like by force.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Em Schulz: Maybe someone like told her like, "We're checking into this room."
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. Who knows?
Em Schulz: Uh, "The death was labeled an accident since she actually died from the glass causing her to bleed out."
Christine Schiefer: Oh come on.
Em Schulz: "I would find this story hard to believe, but Annie had pictures." What?
Christine Schiefer: [gasp] Annie!
Em Schulz: She had become...
Em Schulz: Girl.
Christine Schiefer: Girl.
Em Schulz: She had become such good friends with the motel staff. I like how this like poor girl has like a bunch of health issues and...
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, she's like, "I need a break from my health issues." [laughter]
Em Schulz: And like the... The person at the front desk was like, "I got a good story. You want pictures? I got pictures."
Christine Schiefer: Seriously.
Em Schulz: Umm, "She become such good friends with the motel staff that one of them had taken photos of the room and bathroom before they cleaned it up and sent some of them to Annie." I feel like there's...
Christine Schiefer: Oh my Lord.
Em Schulz: There's something not legal about that. umm...
Christine Schiefer: Pfft. Yeah, definitely not. [chuckle]
Em Schulz: "I have searched and searched and cannot find any record of this on the internet, and so has the staff. According to the staff, it's just a mystery and someone from her family came to get her car a few weeks later. But there's still no trace of the boyfriend, and nothing was ever solved."
Christine Schiefer: Oh shit.
Em Schulz: "They cleaned the room and repainted the walls and life for the motel went on as normal."
Christine Schiefer: Oh!
Em Schulz: "I can only hope that this gets some resolution and the staff or Annie keep me updated. Feel free to cut this if too long." umm...
Christine Schiefer: That is so sad.
Em Schulz: Damn. And you know what's so wild? I know a few people in hospitality, and they've all said the same thing, of like, "If there's a death within like 24, 48 hours later, we're putting people in that room. And we just... "
Christine Schiefer: Right. They have a service they call, and it just gets handled.
Em Schulz: It's... It's just why... And I think about that every time we travel.
Christine Schiefer: I know you do.
Em Schulz: Because we're traveling to talk about death. And I'm like...
Christine Schiefer: I know.
Em Schulz: "Did someone die in here last night? Did someone die here yesterday?" Like...
Christine Schiefer: Yep.
Em Schulz: Oof. It's...
Christine Schiefer: You have... You have told me that, and you've literally said, "Oh, I checked the bathtub and wonder if people died in the bathtub." [chuckle] I'm like, "Oh God."
Em Schulz: I'm so... I'm so weird about showers and baths in hotel rooms...
Christine Schiefer: I know.
Em Schulz: 'Cause I'm like... It's... I'm just like naked in a space that like someone could have died. Like...
Christine Schiefer: It's a fair point. I mean...
Em Schulz: Ugh. Or like walking around...
Christine Schiefer: There's not much you can do, but...
Em Schulz: I refuse to be barefoot in a hotel room, 'cause I'm like, "There could have been like residue of something only a few days ago on this carpet." I mean, I'm sure they like cleaned the carpets or whatever, but like I can't get it outta my head. And umm, I also... In Boston, I ended up... One of our friends actually lived in a hotel, and so...
Christine Schiefer: Yes.
Em Schulz: Because I was friends with her, we would...
Christine Schiefer: Her name was Elouise, and it was a whole thing.
Em Schulz: Yeah. [laughter] and she had like twin friends, Zach and Cody. umm...
[laughter]
Em Schulz: But they... But because we were... Because she lived in a hotel, she was friends with the entire like concierge...
Christine Schiefer: Right.
Em Schulz: And would just like hang out in the lobby in the middle of the night, and they would just like tell her shit, like... And I mean, it's...
Christine Schiefer: They probably are waiting for someone to tell, you know?
Em Schulz: Yeah. It was... It's just wild how many...
Christine Schiefer: Oh my God.
Em Schulz: Hotel staff have to deal with like death regularly. Like there're... RJ's brother is also in a hospitality.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Em Schulz: And has said like, it would shock you how many people die in hotels all the time. And like...
Christine Schiefer: Ah!
Em Schulz: So then when I'm at a hotel room, I'm like, "Is someone dying next to me and I don't even know it?" Like...
Christine Schiefer: "Should I call the police and say maybe someone's dying? I don't know."
Em Schulz: I mean, but that's a fucking gruesome one. That's...
Christine Schiefer: That's horrifying.
Em Schulz: And for it to be like from... In such a... Such a... A motel that's like seemingly known for how happy and close and bonding it is and like someone just was brutally murdered...
Christine Schiefer: Yes. It's such like a... A kind, gentle, happy place. umm... Oof. It's dark. It's really dark.
Christine Schiefer: I... Ooh.
Em Schulz: Especially being so small. It's like the odds of it happening there are so small compared to somewhere with like, you know, thousands of rooms.
Em Schulz: I also feel like the staff would... Should have not... And I'm... I'm not blaming anyone. I feel... But I feel like in a place that seems so small, everyone would have heard what was going on and like...
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Em Schulz: Like I would imagine if you're gonna hurt someone in a hotel, you do it in a really heavily populated space so no one...
Christine Schiefer: Right. I guess maybe they weren't planning it. It just kinda...
Em Schulz: I don't know.
Christine Schiefer: That's so fucked, dude. Oh my gosh. Well, I'm glad you're okay. I hope nothing... I hope you're still happy going there. I hope... I hope it didn't like ruin your cute vacation place, Katie, you know?
Em Schulz: Maybe just don't go into Room 8 again. [chuckle] Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Maybe just, like, avoid room 8. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, so sad. Okay. So this is our last story.
Em Schulz: Final story?
Christine Schiefer: Yes. This is called My Parents met after my Dad Pled Guilty to Manslaughter of her Boyfriend."
Em Schulz: [gasp] What?
Christine Schiefer: What?
Em Schulz: Whoa. Okay.
Christine Schiefer: This is from Sam, she/her. And it says, "Hello, spooky... " I have no idea where this is going. "Hello, spooky friends. The story of how my parents met is one that often leaves people feeling shocked and awkward."
[chuckle]
Em Schulz: Well, I'm so glad we get to react publicly to it.
Christine Schiefer: I know. I like... I feel like this is the last, or the opposite of Katie's like, "Okay, I've timed this. It's under four minutes." [laughter] This one's like fucking buckle up. [laughter]
Em Schulz: This one is like... This is like chaotic neutral. Like this is...
Christine Schiefer: [laughter] Yes.
Em Schulz: This is a little too, umm... Like this should have been the first story. So we had like a good one to end on.
Christine Schiefer: Yes.
Em Schulz: This one... This one... We're not gonna have anything to end on after. [chuckle]
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. Oh my God.
Em Schulz: Oh, no. Alright, let's, let's crack into it.
Christine Schiefer: Let's crack into it. "There have been many opinions on my parents' relationship. There is a lot of pain and trauma involved, but I'd like to say it has a happy ending. I've begged my mom to write an autobiography for years. She has promised she will after she retires in a few years, so, TM, TM, TM. The story is a sprinkle of both Team True Crime and Team Supernatural. I'll try to make it as brief as possible because, again, my mom could write a book. I'll add real names and cities at the end so you can personally look up the articles if you'd like. In the late '80s, my mom, who was 21 at the time, was in the hospital after giving birth to my older half-brother. Her boyfriend and baby daddy, let's call him Joe, wakes up from a nap and tells her that he had a terrible dream. In the dream, my mom was crying, surrounded by people, and no matter how hard Joe tried, no one would let him through."
Em Schulz: Hmm.
Christine Schiefer: "Eventually, he is pulled away by someone and he wakes up. My mom got an infection after her C-section, so her stay in the hospital was extended. Three days after my brother was born, Joe is on a trip back to the hospital after visiting a friend. He was driving on a 50-mile-per-hour road in his VW Bug, and a car on the opposite side of the road gets hit by a car and swerves into oncoming traffic, crashing into Joe head-on."
Em Schulz: Mmm.
Christine Schiefer: "Unfortunately, in VW Bugs, the engine is in the back of the car, so the crash was fatal." Oh! Oh my God. Oh my God, I have chills. It also says here, "I still meet people who say this crash is the reason they never bought a Bug." Oh my God.
Em Schulz: [gasp] What? Oh my God.
Christine Schiefer: Oh my God. "At the time, the person who drove into traffic was blamed for the crash. Let's call him Bob. No one could testify that Bob was hit before driving into oncoming traffic. Bob became a pariah in their relatively small town. His blood alcohol level was only 0.02%, DUIs are classified as 0.08% or higher. Bob was not intoxicated, but since he was 20 years old and hungover, he became the poster boy for underage drunk driving."
Em Schulz: Hmm.
Christine Schiefer: "So his lawyer encouraged him to take a plea deal: Four years in state prison."
Em Schulz: Damn.
Christine Schiefer: Oh my God. This is a crazy story. "Amidst her deep mourning, my mom's old roommate calls her and drops a truth bomb. Their other roommate was actually the car who hit Bob."
Em Schulz: [gasp] What?
Christine Schiefer: "She, the roommate was in fact drunk at the time. She had secretly gotten her car repaired and was hiding it in their garage. My mom was now not only mourning the loss of the father of her child, but now finding out that her once-friend was responsible and letting someone else take the fall for it."
Em Schulz: Fuck.
Christine Schiefer: What the... This is some small town like HBO drama series.
Em Schulz: That's the most small-town thing. Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Right?
Em Schulz: It's like, "Oh, I had, I had a car in a garage, someone else in town... You know, it... " Oh my God...
Christine Schiefer: "Yeah, he... He did it." Oh my God.
Em Schulz: Ooh.
Christine Schiefer: She says that... This is like Ozark level, like finding all this... The weird web of people.
Em Schulz: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Oh my Lord. "She says that for days, it was like Joe was telling her, 'Call Bob.'" So this is the... The guy who was... Who took the plea deal.
Em Schulz: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: "She assumed that she was going crazy from her grief, but she remembered the dream Joe had had in the hospital. She kept hearing, 'Call Bob. Call Bob.'"
Em Schulz: Hmm.
Christine Schiefer: "Eventually, she gives in and she calls Bob. He was still home on bail during the trial. She got his number from a friend of a friend, parentheses, (small town)."
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: "She says that his voice just sounded so familiar, even though she was sure they had never met. She told him something along the lines of, 'I want you to know that I know this wasn't your fault. I know that a lot of people are saying terrible things right now, but know that my son and I will never blame you for this. And I know Joe wouldn't, either.'" Okay, I'm like gonna cry.
Em Schulz: Oof. Oh my God.
Christine Schiefer: "A few days later, Bob's lawyer suggests that my mom write a letter to the judge, and she was happy to. She wanted the person whose fault this really was to be prosecuted. She meets with Bob, and being my awkward mom, instead of saying, 'I'm thirsty,' she says, 'Let's go somewhere where we can get something to drink.' Bob says something like, 'I don't think that's really appropriate, considering... ' And she realized how it came across, got so embarrassed, and said, 'No, I meant like a Coke, like McDonald's.' They laugh, and she realizes this was the first time she had laughed since Joe had died."
Em Schulz: Hmm.
Christine Schiefer: I mean, come on. "They went to McDonald's and had a McAlfredo." 'What... What did you call it? [laughter]
Em Schulz: They had a McSpaghetti, McSpaghetti.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: McSpaghetti. "They went to McDonald's, and for the first time, the pain she was feeling paused for a little while. She realized she wanted to see Bob again. Most of her family discouraged her, except for her eldest sister, who said, 'Nobody knows how you feel right now but you, and you deserve to be happy.'"
Em Schulz: Aww.
Christine Schiefer: I'm gonna cry. [chuckle] "So my mom asked Bob to meet again. After seeing him several times, she expressed how she felt, and Bob, being awkward Bob, didn't understand. Maybe no one in this position would understand, like, 'What is happening? Everyone is telling you I killed your boyfriend, the father of your child.' But like her, he was traumatized. After all, he got into a terrible car accident. He saw the face of a man driving head-on into him in traffic. Then he woke up cuffed to a hospital bed and was told by everyone that he was a murderer. And suddenly, there's this woman that makes all that pain fade away. Their relationship became a spectacle in town. Joe's family sought custody of my brother and demanded that Bob be sent to prison despite the allegations that another driver caused the accident. My mom's own family sided with Joe's family in the custody battle, all but her eldest sister. Bob was sent to prison 10 hours away, and before Joe's family could take away her son, my mom was gone. After a year of visiting Bob in prison, they got married. The only people in attendance were Bob's brother, Bob's mom, and my mom's sister. They call it a shotgun wedding because, well, it was in a prison."
Em Schulz: Oh, okay.
[chuckle]
Christine Schiefer: "Bob... Bob unfortunately had immensely traumatizing experiences in prison. He has never been the same. At 24 years old, he was released. He helped raise my brother and has been the only dad he has ever known. A few years later into their marriage, I was born, and they moved back to an area about 30 minutes away from their hometown. My brother has thought about getting adoption papers as a gift to my dad, who if you haven't realized, is Bob.
[chuckle]
Christine Schiefer: But my dad has said, "I already took away your father; I could never take away his name." Oh my God!
Em Schulz: Oh my God! Jesus.
Christine Schiefer: What is happening?
Em Schulz: Oh my God.
Christine Schiefer: "Despite The deep Catholic guilt my dad has, my brother says, 'Joe Maybe my father, but Bob is my dad.'"
Em Schulz: That's awesome.
Christine Schiefer: Okay. Also, there's more to this, but I just wanna say, too, like I've heard so many stories, I've been reading a lot of books about like the afterlife lately. And I've heard so many stories where people's partners have died and then people on Earth feel so guilty for like finding someone new and then seeking out like a psychic medium or someone and saying like, "I feel so guilty." And then the psychic medium says, "No, no, no. Your partner like orchestrated this."
Em Schulz: Like sent them.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. Like orchestrated this. Like they... They're happy for you. They wanted this.
Em Schulz: Aww.
Christine Schiefer: Which, it sounds like the "Call Bob, call Bob," you know, from...
Em Schulz: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Ooh.
Em Schulz: I like how... If that's true, Joe was gone in the ether for about five seconds and was like, "Alright, project one... "
Christine Schiefer: "Got a job to do."
[laughter]
Em Schulz: It's like, "Damn, I already got tasks."
Christine Schiefer: Man. He needs a break. Okay. I mean, the fact... Also, like, I feel like we kinda... I... I may be glossed over it, but like the dream at the beginning where he says like, "I had this horrible nightmare that like everyone was crowded around you and I couldn't reach you."
Em Schulz: Hmm.
Christine Schiefer: Oh my God. That's just right before he passed away. That's so scary.
Em Schulz: Oh God.
Christine Schiefer: "Since the accident, there has been a lot of therapy and healed relationships. All side of the family, my mom's, Bob's, and Joe's, attended my brother's wedding in November 2018." That's really great. I'm... I'm happy that they were able to put their differences aside.
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: "My brother has three beautiful kids, and Papa Bob and Joe's mom enjoyed time at my brother's house at a July 4th barbecue. Trauma can't really be cured, but we can make the best out of what we have. At the end of the day, love will always be stronger than hate." Okay. I feel like, uh... [laughter] I feel like Sam has already written the book. Like this is the book. You know what I mean? Like... [chuckle]
Em Schulz: Right. Right. This is the book.
Christine Schiefer: Like you're writing the book. "Hashtag, And That's Why I Drink Wine and Milkshakes. "Anyways, my... My family has many insane stories and deep, dark secrets that have been uncovered from Mayflower Alchemists that Unsolved Mysteries touched, on Sicilian mobsters that owned some restaurants as a front, and a poltergeist that did not like the religious artifacts in our old house."
Em Schulz: No.
Christine Schiefer: Maybe I'll write them in sometime.
Em Schulz: But that's for another day.
Christine Schiefer: There goes our story for another day. [laughter] "Thank you for everything. Your show has made me feel less alone because I've been able to discover that there are so many people out there with effed up stories, too. Hashtag Trauma Bonding. Hopefully, you make it back to San Diego one day. If not, I'll be driving up to LA next tour. Stay spooky."
Em Schulz: Aww. Oof.
Christine Schiefer: Wow. I mean, my stomach turns at the thought of all of this. It's... It's terrifying. Terrifying.
Em Schulz: It was... It was better? Than what I thought it was gonna be based on just the subject line, because I thought like...
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Em Schulz: [chuckle] Like... Like I... I don't know what I expected, but it was not that. So, it...
Christine Schiefer: No. No.
Em Schulz: It... I didn't expect it to have heartwarming tendencies near the end.
Christine Schiefer: I mean, like Sam said, I like to think it has a happy ending, and I'm like, no, I think you're right. Like it... It does...
Em Schulz: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Definitely seem to have a happy ending, but it sounds like a lot of trauma went into it.
Em Schulz: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: You know?
Em Schulz: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Wow.
Em Schulz: Oof. Oh my gosh. Well, okay, I'm...
Christine Schiefer: What a story.
Em Schulz: I actually am glad that we ended on that one. I was scared for a second, but that actually...
Christine Schiefer: Me, too.
Em Schulz: Was very tender.
Christine Schiefer: That ended up being very touching. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Agreed. Wowza.
Em Schulz: Oh, well, that's, uh, that's September for you, folks. umm...
Christine Schiefer: That's a wrap. Oh, next is October!
Em Schulz: Ah!
Christine Schiefer: Ah!
Em Schulz: So the next one's gonna be spooky season.
Christine Schiefer: Oh my God.
Em Schulz: Wow. I'm about to be so busy. Next, uh... Next, uh, time you hear a listeners episode, I will have all my tickets to all my things.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Em Schulz: All my spooky events, all my jump scares, all my...
Christine Schiefer: I will be like crazily like, uh, DIY-ing eight costumes 'cause I can't decide what Leona will wear for Halloween.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: Do you have a feeling... Like are you leaning towards anything right now?
Christine Schiefer: I'm thinking either... Like so last year, she was a tomato. And this year, her favorite food is strawberry. So I'm like, "I could easily repurpose that, put some little dots on it, make it a strawberry." umm...
Em Schulz: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Or... Or I could do... Her favorite show is Gabby's Dollhouse, and I'm like, maybe we could do a little like... Like little pant... Like cat ears and... I don't know. We'll see. We'll see.
Em Schulz: That's very precious.
Christine Schiefer: And fun stuff.
Em Schulz: If I were to dress up as my favorite food, I would have to be a buffet, I think. So, I would...
Christine Schiefer: [laughter] You... You can come over and you can stand side by side and I'll...
Em Schulz: Yeah. [chuckle]
Christine Schiefer: I don't know, make a buffet out of it. [chuckle]
Em Schulz: A... A buffet. I think I would have to lie sideways...
Christine Schiefer: A buffet!
Em Schulz: I have to lie sideways and just have a, like, something draped over me with a bunch of food velcroed to my side.
Christine Schiefer: Well, just put a fucking tablecloth on you and call it a day.
Em Schulz: Yeah.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: Oh! Well, umm, anyway, I hope everyone has a spooky September.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Em Schulz: In my opinion, it is officially spooky season since it's fall season.
Christine Schiefer: That's right.
Em Schulz: And, uh, I'm glad you're back, Christine. I missed you.
Christine Schiefer: Aw, I missed you, too. I'm excited for our recording Monday when we can kind of get more, uh, I don't know...
Em Schulz: Into the hot goss.
Christine Schiefer: We can bullshit more. [laughter]
Em Schulz: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Em Schulz: And...
Christine Schiefer: That's...
Em Schulz: Why...
Christine Schiefer: We...
Em Schulz: Drink.