[intro music]
Em Schulz: Everybody, I have made a whoopsy daisy, and well, I didn't really make it today, but it's been a long time coming. I got me an old, old laptop, and I, for some reason, not for some reason, because of this old, old laptop, I can't, the recording is not happening today. We tried very hard and...
Christine Schiefer: We... [laughter]
Em Schulz: It's not, it's not in the works for you. So, uh.
Christine Schiefer: I, it was a mess. I, I feel like, like, we're not even recording this on video right now, because if we do, the whole thing kind of shuts down. And we did like the speed test on the internet, like the internet speed test and poor Em's was like...
Em Schulz: 12.
Christine Schiefer: 2 or something.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: And Eva goes mine's 575. And we were like, okay, well, uh, I think either both of us need better internet, or at least you need a new computer.
Em Schulz: Yeah, it's time my, uh, it's time I old yeller this laptop and take her out back and...
Christine Schiefer: Oh.
Em Schulz: And so I.
Christine Schiefer: No!
[laughter]
Em Schulz: So I'm taking her out back and then I'm going out front getting in my car and going to Apple to get a new laptop. And...
Christine Schiefer: I think you should bring it, because I think sometimes they do, like, you can get like a discount if you give them your old laptop.
Em Schulz: That's true. They're also...
Christine Schiefer: I would try, try that.
Em Schulz: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Anyway it's a...
Christine Schiefer: We'll talk about that later. It's not important. Uh, hi folks. So what we did, we were like, oh, goodness gracious. We are actually, the reason we can't really reschedule is because we are planning a little fun thing for the future this week, we're traveling, we're doing our live show in LA and then we're doing some fun secret, surprisey, spooky things. Um, so we don't have time to record another one, not like, aside from today. So we decided to go into the annals and find a live show that we have not yet released. And somehow this one apparently has not come out yet unless...
Em Schulz: Nope.
Christine Schiefer: Unless it has. In which case, oops.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Whoopsy daisy.
Em Schulz: We tried.
Christine Schiefer: We tried.
Em Schulz: It says in our Google Drive.
Christine Schiefer: We tried.
Em Schulz: It says in our Google Drive that we have not posted it. So that's what we're going off of.
Christine Schiefer: And I will say, we, I, we'll probably, I haven't listened to this in ages, so I don't remember off the top of my head right now what happens, but I do know that, uh, the show we're releasing, which is Houston, Texas...
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: From 2019 was a show that Em and I somehow, because we had zero boundaries, agreed to do two shows in one night.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: And because so many people bought tickets to both shows, we decided to do different stories for each show.
Em Schulz: Uh-huh.
Christine Schiefer: So we were, by the end of it, like, I mean, I was probably like three bottles of wine deep. It's a, it's gonna be a doozy, whether it's the first show of that evening or the second. Umm.
Em Schulz: It was also our very first tour where we didn't know how to umm...
Christine Schiefer: Oh my God. No.
Em Schulz: This was probably before or right before we started, like, being so exhausted of each other because this was our like 50 city tour or whatever. Umm.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. And Houston, I will say also the vibe in Houston is always so outrageous.
Em Schulz: So outrageous. It's easily one of our best cities.
Christine Schiefer: It like filled our cups so quickly that I think even if we were really exhausted, I imagine the show is gonna be like off the chain. Do the kids still say that?
Em Schulz: Off the chain.
Christine Schiefer: Probably not.
Em Schulz: Well, I hope you enjoy this little time capsule five years ago. Uh...
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. And it's obviously It's Why We Drink. So that's a given.
Em Schulz: Actually, I have a different reason why I drink, uh, which I, I know we're not recording our faces, but I'd like to tell you anyway.
Christine Schiefer: Oh, okay. Tell me please.
Em Schulz: I bought a house.
[long pause]
Christine Schiefer: What?!!
Em Schulz: This is why I wish we were recording today, but I have to tell you, because when you come this week, we've already closed. I'd like you to see it. This is Christine's face right now. Don't move. So I can take a picture for everybody. [laughter] There it is. That's a good one. That's gonna be good for Instagram.
Christine Schiefer: What the fuck, Em? Are you serious?
Em Schulz: Sure did.
Christine Schiefer: [gasp] Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. It's been so long since we've announced big news on the podcast.
Em Schulz: I wanted to do it so badly.
Christine Schiefer: I'm gonna cry. I'm so happy for you. Congratulations.
Em Schulz: I really wanted to tell you in front of everybody. Uh, but...
Christine Schiefer: Oh my God, I'm like crying now. Oh my God. Congratulations. That's so fucking exciting.
Em Schulz: I wanted your reaction.
Christine Schiefer: Did you tell Allison not to tell me?
Em Schulz: Thank you. I wanted to tell you when it was all done. So I can just say I have a house.
Christine Schiefer: Oh my God. Did... Because Allison and I have been texting and like, she must not have told me on purpose.
Em Schulz: Yes. I told her you cannot tell her. But, uh, anyway, would you like to see it? And then we can discuss it on our next episode?
Christine Schiefer: I'm like crying. Yes. I'm like losing my mind. Oh my God, I'm so sorry. And I would've like recorded the video even with the lag, if I had known.
Em Schulz: No 'cause it would have been...
Christine Schiefer: Holy...
Em Schulz: Such an awkward silence when I told you.
Christine Schiefer: You would've been like, I bought it, yeah, I bought...
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: I bought it, and I would've been like a new fucking laptop and you would've been like, no.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: Anyway, I'm excited for you to see it.
Christine Schiefer: I'm so sweaty Em. I wanna see it. Wait, so wait. So do I get to see when I come, like already?
Em Schulz: Yeah. That's why I wanted to tell you before you got here.
Christine Schiefer: Gasp. Oh my God.
Em Schulz: But you're gonna be here now by the next time an episode comes out. So...
Christine Schiefer: I just, I like shouted so loud. My, my missing tooth hurts again.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Oh.
Em Schulz: No, we, we...
Christine Schiefer: I bruised my jaw.
Em Schulz: We get the keys tomorrow, so if you wanna...
Christine Schiefer: Oh my God Em, I need to like... Oh my gosh. Wow. I need to process this. I'm so happy for you.
Em Schulz: So second update about my internet. It will be different soon. Umm...
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Wow. So you are buying like a whole new life, my friend. Wow.
Em Schulz: I sure am. Yeah. I'm getting a laptop, getting a house.
Christine Schiefer: New lease on life.
Em Schulz: Help me. I have no money left.
Christine Schiefer: Em, I'm so happy... Well, yeah, that's part of the prob... That's part of it. That's how it is.
Em Schulz: It's been very hard to not tell you. We've been doing this since, for like over a month now. So...
Christine Schiefer: Are you shitting me?
Em Schulz: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: You really had me fucking fooled. Because I feel like I've asked you within the last month, like how things are going and stuff and you've just not, I mean, not like blatantly outright, but I think I've, I've definitely opened the door for you to say it and you didn't, so I'm like delighted.
Em Schulz: Also, uh, this is obviously like, off, off recording. Well, I mean, it doesn't matter, but I'm just telling you because I'm telling you, uh, Eva has known for quite some time.
Christine Schiefer: What?! [laughter]
Em Schulz: Because...
Christine Schiefer: Eva.
Em Schulz: You will see when...
Christine Schiefer: You sneaky little witch.
Em Schulz: You will see, uh, I'm warning everybody now, but we are gonna be doing some construction on the house. And so I will be recording from a studio for probably the rest of the year.
Christine Schiefer: A studio? Like a real professional studio?
Em Schulz: Like we're gonna have to rent space somewhere because I won't have the room.
Christine Schiefer: Oh, shit.
Em Schulz: So...
Christine Schiefer: Eva says, sneaky witch is my middle name. And I'm like, careful 'cause that sounds a lot like stinky witch. And we have quite a lot of these sneaky...
Em Schulz: I've got a lot of...
Christine Schiefer: Sneaky witches.
Em Schulz: Witches in my, in my back pocket, I guess.
Christine Schiefer: Wow, Em I'm so proud of you. I'm so happy for you. That's such a big, big deal.
Em Schulz: I know. Well, I...
Christine Schiefer: Are you happy?
Em Schulz: I'm... I will be happy when the construction's over, but I, currently am just scared.
Christine Schiefer: Wow. Em, I'm so happy... It is scary, but it's a fun scary.
Em Schulz: Yeah. Anyway, uh we will...
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, I'm so happy for you.
Em Schulz: I'll do the next reason why I drink next week will be the whole, how we even found the house and all that. So...
Christine Schiefer: I'm sorry that I just like got on, put my stupid hood on and started blabbing, blabbing, blah, blah, blah, about Houston when you had really big news.
Em Schulz: No, I, umm, I wanted to, I wanted to tell you, I didn't care how it happened. I just wanted to make sure I told you before, otherwise like, how was I gonna get you to this house?
Christine Schiefer: I know.
Em Schulz: Without telling you. Without people getting to hear your reaction. And I never have milestones. So this is probably the only big reaction you're gonna hear from me for a while. So...
Christine Schiefer: Oh my God. I hope not. 'Cause I feel like, I feel like I'm on top of the world right now. I don't know. I'm, I'm like, wow. I'm, woo! I'm thrilled. I'm so happy for you 'cause just folks for, you've probably like picked up on it, but like Em it's, it's, it's tough out there, house buying right now and Em has been, uh, looking for a long time. So this has been like...
Em Schulz: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: And there've been some ups and downs and you know how it goes.
Em Schulz: Behind closed doors, we've been house hunting for a little bit now and we've put in offers and it hasn't happened, but this is like, the first...
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, yeah. And I feel like a lot of my friends have been in that same boat and have not successfully managed it. So I'm really, really excited for you Em.
Em Schulz: I will tell you all about it when I see you, but then I will tell you all about it again on, on air so people can...
Christine Schiefer: Oh...
Em Schulz: You know, be part of it.
Christine Schiefer: We could have like, forget... Like the cockroaches are in the past now. Like, I don't know how we're gonna...
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Well, I hope, well, I hope, knock on wood. Oh my God. Knock on wood.
Em Schulz: Oh trust me, we've already, we're hiring every exterminator in the area...
Christine Schiefer: Is that the construction?
Em Schulz: Yeah.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: You're like airtight sealing the house.
Em Schulz: It's actually knocking down the current house and just putting a new house there because...
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Wow Em...
Em Schulz: Anyway.
Christine Schiefer: I'm so happy for you.
Em Schulz: I've wanted to tell you for a long time. So...
Christine Schiefer: Well, okay, so this is kind of poignant then, because this episode that we're about to release, this 2019 Houston live show or whatever, umm, God, that would've been like five years ago, right? So five years ago. So half a decade ago. And we were in such different places, mentally, physically, literally. Umm, I was still in LA. I didn't...
Em Schulz: I didn't have roaches yet.
Christine Schiefer: Uh, you didn't have roaches yet.
Em Schulz: Pre pandemic. There was a lot more of a star in my eye.
Christine Schiefer: Pre pandemic. I was gonna say we had like a gleam, you know, I was so, so drunk. Umm, before I kind of took stock in my potential drinking problem.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Uh, you know, I hadn't discovered the magic of weed yet, you know, and, umm, wow Em, and like neither of us had bought a house and now five years later, look at us go. I'm so proud of you.
Em Schulz: Home owners.
Christine Schiefer: Wow, that's so exciting. I'm really happy for you.
Em Schulz: Umm, anyway, I'm excited to show it to you. I want your opinion. Actually, this might work better because I get to tell the story of how it came to be and then you can give everyone a walk through.
Christine Schiefer: That's right, I can... Ooh. Then I can comment, I can add my own perspective.
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: Oh, I'm excited Em.
Em Schulz: So that's why we'll drink next week, but, umm...
Christine Schiefer: Oh, it's why I'm gonna drink right now. I can't wait.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: I have been wanting to tell you for a long time. Thank you Eva, for keeping my secret. Umm...
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, you're sneaky.
Em Schulz: And thank you for finding me a recording studio because we are gonna need it. So...
Christine Schiefer: Oh, you guys.
Em Schulz: Anyway, I don't know how to end this. Uh, I'm going to Apple, I guess.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Okay, well, I'm going to the Houston Improv to listen to my drunken self, just to like, uh, blab about a really probably inappropriate true crime that we shouldn't have been talking about on stage, but...
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: Five years ago, you know, we were different people back then. So, umm, I hope you all enjoy it and, uh, if not, I'm so sorry, but I promise we're, we're trying over here and we're gonna get back to it, uh, next weekend, which is Mother's Day. So...
Em Schulz: Oh.
Christine Schiefer: Uh, the next episode comes out on Mother's Day. We'll talk about Em's house.
Em Schulz: A mother's, a mother's wish is our regular programming. So...
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: A mother's wish is get a fucking computer.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: Okay.
Christine Schiefer: No, it sounds like you've had a lot on your plate that I did not even know about. So, uh, I am, I am, you've successfully diverted my attention and my frustration into just excitement, so...
Em Schulz: All I aim to do. Okay, good. Well...
Christine Schiefer: All good.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: I'll see you in a few days at my house.
Christine Schiefer: I can't wait. Oh my God. I'm gonna bring a housewarming gift. Oh, I'm so excited.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Okay. I love you Em, and I love you Eva even though you're a sneaky little witch. Uh, okay folks, I hope you enjoy the show.
[live show intro music]
Christine Schiefer: Holy shit.
Em Schulz: Oh my gosh. Hi Houston!
[applause]
Christine Schiefer: This is the... Oh, yeah.
Em Schulz: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Hi Houston.
[applause]
Christine Schiefer: Wait, wait, wait. Look. Yeah.
[applause]
Christine Schiefer: This... Damnit, you got two out of 'em.
Em Schulz: We went to Buc-ees.
Christine Schiefer: We did it just for you.
Em Schulz: It was bananas. I've never been to one. Have you?
Christine Schiefer: No.
Em Schulz: This is actually, first of all, uh, hi Houston. And also this is like our first time ever in Houston.
[applause]
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, so... Uh, we hadn't even been to Texas before this, this leg. So this is literally the loudest room we've ever been in.
Em Schulz: We've...
[applause]
Christine Schiefer: Holy shit.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: You guys are testing my medication today.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: They literally just said everything's bigger in Texas and you're proving that right now.
[applause]
Em Schulz: We also, uh, yesterday we were in Dallas, but we had Whataburger.
[applause]
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, we did. All right, now you're just pandering.
Em Schulz: I know. I want people to like me. Anyway. How has your time been in Houston for the last couple hours?
Christine Schiefer: Everything's really large. Like... There's a lot of big, big cars that go very fast.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: We are terrified of how you drive here.
Christine Schiefer: I mean, and I'm from LA. Like we're from LA. This is, we're not new to driving, but wow, you guys.
Em Schulz: We're also not used to driving 'cause all we do is sit in traffic...
Christine Schiefer: Right.
Em Schulz: And now everyone expects us to go like a hundred miles an hour. And, uh, you guys have very interesting, very short ramps here. And so...
Christine Schiefer: It's kinda like launch yourself onto the highway.
Em Schulz: Yeah. And there's short ramps next to like four other short ramps.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. Yeah.
Em Schulz: So like your decision making has to be instant.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Em Schulz: And we were, we were driving here and at different times, either she was driving or Eva was driving and we were trying to help each other with the GPS. They'd be like, okay, turn now. Oh nope.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: Nevermind.
Christine Schiefer: Or I'd turn and they'd be like, it says, do not enter. And they'd be like, [laughter] Chevy Silverado is coming at me. That's a very scary...
Em Schulz: Also, I don't know if this makes you, um, proud or disappointed of us, but two seconds into landing in Texas, we got our first Bless Your Heart.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, we did.
Em Schulz: We don't know if it was the good one or the bad one.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. We were, we were like, oh... Ah.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: What? Hmm. I know. What do you mean?
Christine Schiefer: What did we do?
[laughter]
Em Schulz: Uh, yeah, that's...
Christine Schiefer: So listen, listen, it's been fun.
Audience: Drink!
Christine Schiefer: It's been good. Oh, they already know the rules. Dammit.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: Um, I guess I should just go straight to my story.
Christine Schiefer: I guess. We have two shows tonight, so, oh boy.
[applause]
Christine Schiefer: This is a first.
Em Schulz: This is our first time.
Christine Schiefer: We've never done done this, so wish luck. And also, sorry.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: If you've ever listened to our, uh, episodes on the show and we sound like we're kind of in a daze, it's because we usually are recording a second episode right from the first.
Christine Schiefer: Right.
Em Schulz: So maybe in the second one you're, if you're, if you're coming to the second one too, you might see a very dazed interesting version of us.
Christine Schiefer: Very realistic.
Em Schulz: Yes. We're just like there's so much death, so much going on. All right.
Christine Schiefer: Shall we?
Em Schulz: I, I guess so.
Christine Schiefer: I guess so.
Em Schulz: So, umm, my story is, uh, kind of short and I'm sorry about.
Christine Schiefer: Wait, are we doing the thing?
Em Schulz: Yeah, I'm...
Christine Schiefer: Oh, oh, oh.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: I'm just...
Christine Schiefer: I thought you were already diving, cracking into it...
Em Schulz: I'm not diving right in. I just wanna, oh, I want everyone to be aware.
Christine Schiefer: [chuckle] Sorry.
Em Schulz: Really like, threw me under a bus there. No. Umm, so my story before we get into it is very short, but there is like a very fun twist where like, classic me, I fucked up big time. So I just want every...
Christine Schiefer: Oh fun.
Em Schulz: I want everyone to like know something weird is coming. Okay. So, umm...
Christine Schiefer: I think they already knew that.
Em Schulz: I think so too. But before we get into it, as Christine said, let's do a drinking game.
Christine Schiefer: Okay.
[applause]
Christine Schiefer: These are dangerous chairs by the way.
Em Schulz: They really, I mean they, they expect you to drink wine and sit all the way up here.
Christine Schiefer: No, that's a, you're asking too much of me Houston.
Em Schulz: I'll catch you. I'm kidding.
Christine Schiefer: Thank you.
Em Schulz: Umm, okay, so drink once if Christine gasps.
Christine Schiefer: But that doesn't usually happen, so you'll be fine.
Em Schulz: Or drink once if Christine says, listen. Also doesn't happen.
Christine Schiefer: Nope.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: Uh, drink once for fun fact.
Christine Schiefer: That happens a lot.
Em Schulz: Which is not ever really fun. It's more sad.
Christine Schiefer: True. It's true.
Em Schulz: Drink once for...
Christine Schiefer: Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure.
Em Schulz: Or any reference to us sweating profusely, which...
Christine Schiefer: It's already happening.
Em Schulz: Who's to say.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: Drink twice for hello...
Audience: Fresh!
Christine Schiefer: Thank you.
Em Schulz: We know it's right there, but we're always worried you're not gonna actually do it.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: When that day comes, we gotta shut down and move out.
Em Schulz: We'll be like, Christine, let's just, let's just leave.
Christine Schiefer: We're done.
Em Schulz: Umm, drink twice if we talk about my sweet little Baboo.
Christine Schiefer: You missed one.
Em Schulz: No, I, it's just funny.
Christine Schiefer: Okay. You just didn't wanna do it.
Em Schulz: I saw Gio's name and kind of blacked out and I was like, oh.
Audience: Thanks Megan.
Em Schulz: And thanks Megan should probably be an additional.
Christine Schiefer: True. Thanks priests. There's a lot.
Em Schulz: Drink twice anytime we tell Eva what to do, probably guaranteed. So...
Christine Schiefer: That happens also.
Em Schulz: So if you can't tell, uh, the goal is to get really drunk. So...
[applause]
Em Schulz: Hope you're on your way.
Christine Schiefer: And usually we all win.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Sorry. That was funny.
Em Schulz: Umm, so, uh, next up is something probably weird for you to see, but we're gonna just, we're gonna get right into it. Umm.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: So I'm in charge of the slides. Which means, uh, I wanted to like be really creative and visual in the beginning. And I was like, ooh, I'm gonna do pictures of milkshakes and wine. It's gonna be really wild. And then I was googling images of milkshakes and people drinking milkshakes and this is what I got. So, umm, if you, you can try this at home. If you Google image people drinking milkshakes, this is what you show up. This is what shows up first. And it's pretty precious, right? So if you erase milkshake out of the search bar and just replace it with wine and have people drinking wine, I had to see it. So, so do you.
[laughter]
[applause]
Christine Schiefer: Umm.
[applause]
Christine Schiefer: Quick side note, these, I don't know if you guys can tell way in the back, these women are in their heavily in their third trimester, so [laughter] in case anyone had a doubt.
Em Schulz: They just can't wait anymore.
Christine Schiefer: And this is a very small child. So [laughter]
Em Schulz: And top right is Christine.
Christine Schiefer: Okay.
Audience: Woo.
Christine Schiefer: Only in a few hours after these two shows maybe [laughter]
Em Schulz: So, umm, next up is, is my story.
[applause]
Christine Schiefer: Yay.
Em Schulz: Although, umm.
Christine Schiefer: [laughter], you're making me nervous with this. I don't know what you're doing.
Em Schulz: This is, these are the wrong notes.
Christine Schiefer: Em as we walked out was literally like, are those the right notes? Check them.
Em Schulz: I don't know if this is the right slideshow. Who knows?
Christine Schiefer: Oh my God, Em.
Em Schulz: They're both there.
Christine Schiefer: Oh, there's Eva's already. Like, oh shit.
Em Schulz: Eva should we check.
Christine Schiefer: Eva?
Em Schulz: Eva!
Christine Schiefer: I know she...
[applause]
Christine Schiefer: Is it the wrong slideshow?
Em Schulz: I don't know.
Christine Schiefer: How do you.
Em Schulz: Is it, Is it number one or two? Eva Help [laughter] Come on.
Audience: Drink!
Christine Schiefer: Shit, we didn't think it would happen that fast.
[background conversation]
Em Schulz: Yeah, that's... That's Okay.
Em Schulz: Everyone, umm. Ignore my desktop that has a lot of pictures of steak and mac and cheese.
Christine Schiefer: No, I unplugged it.
Em Schulz: [laughter] Oh, you saved me. Okay.
Christine Schiefer: [laughter] I, I unplugged it before they could see it. [laughter]
Em Schulz: In Dallas. Uh, it just started with, thank you Eva. Umm, it just started with, uh, oh, we'll pop that right back in. Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: There were just pictures of steak all over the.
Em Schulz: There, on my, here's the thing, umm, I'm in the middle of decorating a kitchen and I was like, what should I frame? And so.
Christine Schiefer: Literally, this is literally what happened.
Em Schulz: I thought it would be really crafty. You're the best. Thank you, Eva.
Christine Schiefer: Thank you, Eva.
[applause]
Christine Schiefer: God bless her. Yikes.
Em Schulz: My heart stopped 'cause I saw the upcoming slide and I saw my notes and I was like, oh, no, those don't, those don't match [laughter] umm, but no, to finish my story, I was trying to do something really crafty and I was looking for just the right picture of steak and [laughter] I went down a rabbit hole at 3:00 AM and so my desktop has like 65 pictures of steak.
Christine Schiefer: And I like opened it and I was like, there's 85 thumbnails.
Em Schulz: Christine was like, what are you doing? And, and then I was like, well, no one will know it's fine. And then in one of the Dallas shows, I opened the computer and it started on my desktop and I was like, oh no, [laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Mac and cheese, steak.
Em Schulz: And I, I didn't even explain it to them. I was like, ignore that. It's fine, [laughter] Anyway, I've kept you guys waiting.
Christine Schiefer: That was our improv, surprise.
Em Schulz: We've warned you for a 100 episodes that we don't know what's going on so.
Christine Schiefer: That's true. Now...
Em Schulz: Welcome to your reality check.
Christine Schiefer: [laughter] We're just proving it.
Em Schulz: Oh wait, now these are the wrong notes. Christ.
Christine Schiefer: [laughter] I swear to God right now.
Em Schulz: I'm sorry. You, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's just funny.
Audience: Drink!
Em Schulz: Umm, so now fingers crossed this is the story maybe of the Spaghetti Warehouse.
[applause]
Christine Schiefer: Wait, that, that sounds, that sounds a lot like the Spaghetti Factory. Like that restaurant. Sorry. God.
Em Schulz: I said nothing. I... [laughter] for the record. I've never heard of either. So I... I'm sorry. I said I'm sorry. Umm, but now I know a lot about it because I, I, I read a whole lot of notes on this, so, umm, going right into the Spaghetti Warehouse, not the Spaghetti Factory.
Christine Schiefer: Okay.
Em Schulz: This is the Spaghetti Warehouse.
Christine Schiefer: Thank You. Oh.
Em Schulz: Looks regal.
Christine Schiefer: It looks nice.
Em Schulz: It's so nice.
Christine Schiefer: Looks so nice.
Em Schulz: Like little Gio.
Christine Schiefer: Alright. God damn. We've like struck 10 for 10 here.
Em Schulz: I, we're just trying to get everyone really drunk so they don't have to remember where.
Christine Schiefer: What just happened?
Em Schulz: Right. Yeah. Umm, so I'm just gonna dive right in. This is apparently the most haunted place in downtown Houston.
Christine Schiefer: Ooh.
[cheers]
Em Schulz: And, uh, it was built in 1912 and it was originally a warehouse for fur pelts. So it starts way interesting.
Christine Schiefer: Mm.
Em Schulz: Umm, the building is important. Oh, this is a quote by the way. I'm not just telling you its story.
Christine Schiefer: The building is important.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: Uh-huh. Sorry.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: Usually I move like the person in front of the sentence so I remember to say it, but that didn't happen. So his name is Jim Parsons and he is the... Oh.
Christine Schiefer: Good old Jimothy.
Em Schulz: I didn't know anyone would root for him, but okay, cool. Umm, so Jim Parsons is the programs director for the Pres for Preservation Houston. And, uh, his quote is, "the building is important because Commerce used to be lined with where? Commerce Street." Right. That's where it's on. Okay. Whew. Umm.
Christine Schiefer: You're doing great.
Em Schulz: Three bullets in, uh, "the building is important because Commerce used to be lined with warehouses and because it was the first street that came up from the port when the port was at Allen's landing."
Christine Schiefer: Okay.
Em Schulz: So, uh, this was like the first place where people actually went shopping for all of their stuff.
Christine Schiefer: For fur?
Em Schulz: For fur pelts apparently.
Christine Schiefer: Oh, okay. Sure.
Em Schulz: Umm, after that it became, uh, the Desel-Boettcher? Boettcher. Look, you knew I wasn't gonna be able to pronounce something [laughter] umm.
Christine Schiefer: What in the world are you saying.
Em Schulz: Desel?
Christine Schiefer: I mean, I don't know it. I shouldn't have criticized you. [laughter]
Em Schulz: Umm, it's a produce warehouse is the answer to that. Umm, and it later became a pharmaceutical, a pharmaceutical company. And at the time that it was a pharmaceutical company was the first death.
Christine Schiefer: Okay.
Em Schulz: On record. Who knows if there was more. Umm.
Christine Schiefer: There were a lot of dead animals in there. Get it?
Em Schulz: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Nailed it. Nailed it.
Christine Schiefer: Sorry. I'm sorry. I think...
Em Schulz: Fur sure.
Christine Schiefer: Fur... Uh. Damn it. [laughter]
Em Schulz: Uh, at the time a pharmacist had a pile of paperwork. Oh. So this is the death. Get ready. It's not funny anymore. [laughter] Umm, at that time, a pharmacist had a pile of paperwork on his desk and he went to grab the stack so he could walk over to, uh, the stairs. He ended up wandering over to the elevator and wasn't paying attention. And he walked right into an empty elevator shaft.
Christine Schiefer: No.
Em Schulz: Uh, which is interesting 'cause our story yesterday.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Em Schulz: Had like five elevator shaft deaths.
Christine Schiefer: So.
Em Schulz: So Texas, you better...
Christine Schiefer: Be careful.
Em Schulz: Watch it.
Christine Schiefer: Or like, put doors on your elevator or something.
Em Schulz: Yeah. I'm just taking stairs while I'm here.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Em Schulz: 'cause I don't trust you guys. Umm, so he didn't look and he stepped into the elevator and fell down the empty elevator shaft, which was three feet down and.
Christine Schiefer: Oh No.
Em Schulz: Not three feet, three floors.
Christine Schiefer: I was like...
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: I was like, please tell me there's more than that.
Em Schulz: He fell a whole 18 inches!
Christine Schiefer: That's also not 18 inches.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: Fuck. You're right.
Christine Schiefer: For once I knew Math.
Em Schulz: 36.
Christine Schiefer: There it is. [laughter]
Audience: Geometry is fun.
Christine Schiefer: And I've, I've, that wasn't even geometry [laughter]
Em Schulz: I know that, that much. At least.
Christine Schiefer: Numbers are just hard.
Em Schulz: I, I learned what a hexagon was guys, since the last episode.
Christine Schiefer: Yikes.
Em Schulz: Oh my. Woo. You're gonna look real smart next to me.
Christine Schiefer: I know. I'm so excited. [laughter]
Em Schulz: Umm, so now I know why everyone laughed. That was just mean.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: That was like one of those dreams you have as a kid. Where you're like.
Christine Schiefer: Uh-huh.
Em Schulz: I'll say something stupid on stage and everyone will laugh at me. And that's how I got anxiety. And now it happened. It's a full circle, [laughter] Anyway, back to death.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: Umm, so yeah, he fell all 18 inches apparently. Okay. Then, uh, his wife got worried because he didn't come home that night and she was making his fame, his favorite meatballs for dinner.
Christine Schiefer: Oh, That's really sad.
Em Schulz: And, uh, but interesting. Maybe a fun fact...
Audience: Drink!
Em Schulz: Is that at the exact same time that he supposedly died, like in the time frame of things.
Christine Schiefer: Mm-Hmm.
Em Schulz: When he would've died, she was at home making meatballs and she heard someone walking upstairs that sounded like his footsteps.
Christine Schiefer: Aw.
Em Schulz: And she heard him coming downstairs, but then he didn't come downstairs. And so she, that was when she started wondering why he hadn't come home from work yet.
Christine Schiefer: Aw. That's really sad.
Em Schulz: And then she went to the office to see where he was.
Christine Schiefer: Oh no.
Em Schulz: Or if he was held up late and she found his quote, "crumpled body."
Christine Schiefer: Oh no.
Em Schulz: At the bottom of the elevator shaft.
Christine Schiefer: No, no, no.
Em Schulz: Uh, she was so distraught that she died by suicide a year later. And so those are the first two official spirits of.
Christine Schiefer: Yikes.
Em Schulz: The building. Umm, in 1974, it was bought by the Spaghetti Warehouse franchise and turned into this little diddy, this little number.
Christine Schiefer: I love it. I love it.
Em Schulz: Umm, that's the inside of it.
Christine Schiefer: Oh, It is a restaurant.
Em Schulz: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Sorry, I was very confused.
Em Schulz: Just a warehouse of pastas.
Christine Schiefer: [laughter] That's what it sounds like.
Em Schulz: No, It does, it does. Oh, I, I remember reading this, like, I was looking up stories and I saw Spaghetti Warehouse and I was like, I don't know what that is.
Christine Schiefer: I literally thought it was like an Italian man's last name that just happened to sound like a pasta.
Em Schulz: Right?
Christine Schiefer: I don't know. Yikes.
Em Schulz: Umm, so inside the restaurant, there are, as you can see, umm, at least you only see one of 'em. There are several antiques, umm, including a chandelier from New York's Penn Station.
Christine Schiefer: Oh.
Em Schulz: A grand, Yeah. Umm, [laughter], A grandfather clock from a castle in England.
Christine Schiefer: Ah, ah.
Em Schulz: Umm, and a full-sized trolley car that apparently, again, I've never heard of this franchise before. So true or false, the, this is like a, a theme in all the restaurants. There's a trolley car in each one?
Audience: Yes!
Christine Schiefer: What?
Em Schulz: So there's a trolley car in every restaurant.
Christine Schiefer: Ooh.
Em Schulz: But they all apparently have different names. So that one says, Houston, I checked because originally one said Miami and I was like, uh-oh.
Christine Schiefer: [laughter] You can eat in the train.
Em Schulz: Yeah. Can you not tell my story because I'm a, something's about to happen there.
Christine Schiefer: Oh-oh, [laughter]
Em Schulz: I actually, I did real, I remembered that thought. I, he said that you can also eat in the trolley. And I actually remember that fact 'cause we have a place, umm, in California that I go to a lot, umm, that has a double decker bus. And so when that you can eat in, and so when I first saw this I was like oh it's like that.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah I wrote two stories so... It's not a big deal. But.
Em Schulz: Thank you. I appreciate your input. Umm, I didn't wanna sound like a total dick. I'm sorry. [laughter] umm, so, uh, yeah. So there's a full-sized trolley car that you can eat in.
Christine Schiefer: Mm.
Em Schulz: And uh, there's apparently a top. There was at one point there was a top and a bottom deck, but now there's only the bottom deck. So you can only eat in the bottom deck, but at some point it was a double decker.
Christine Schiefer: Mm. Okay.
Em Schulz: So there's like stairs at some point, or there's it, they're whatever.
Christine Schiefer: Fascinating. [laughter]
Em Schulz: Do you like how like this isn't getting edited out for you? You're getting... Eva isn't here to... Eva headed out...
Audience: Drink!
Christine Schiefer: Help me.
Em Schulz: So those are just three of like the bigger antiques, but apparently the whole place is just covered in different, an assortment of.
Christine Schiefer: Cool.
Em Schulz: Uh, collections. And all of them happen to have their own spirits attached.
Christine Schiefer: Oh, good.
Em Schulz: So, umm, people, for example, people see apparitions of guests walking up the second floor, and when you get up there, it's empty.
Christine Schiefer: Ooh. Oh my.
Em Schulz: And that's just the beginning. Umm, employees hate going up to the second floor of the trolley, or I guess, uh, to the second floor of the building. I guess. I, sorry.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: They hate going up to the second floor of that trolley.
Em Schulz: If you, if you go up you'll see the ceiling. Umm.
Christine Schiefer: Oh my God.
Em Schulz: But oh no, they hate going up to the second floor. Sorry. That was my bad. But when they get to the second floor, they have to go there. The employees have to go to the second floor to eat for their lunch breaks.
Christine Schiefer: Oh.
Em Schulz: But they hate being up there because apparently that whole floor feels like, uh, immense hatred and darkness.
Christine Schiefer: Oh God.
Em Schulz: As one employee lovingly said.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: Umm, there is a closet upstairs that people have heard muffled conversations in and heavy, annoyed breath. And apparently it's an annoyed breath of like, get away from me.
Christine Schiefer: Oh God.
Em Schulz: Umm, people try to take pictures in the restaurant and phones die immediately or the pictures won't save to your phone. So it's like, it doesn't want you to take pictures.
Christine Schiefer: Mm-Hmm.
Em Schulz: Umm, and spirits rearrange the furniture and after the staff closes up, they move silverware and reorganize the pots and pans and the spirits have also come in, or the staff have come in the next day to see that the sinks are all on and the radio's on full volume.
Christine Schiefer: Aw, That's rude.
Em Schulz: Uh, [laughter]
Christine Schiefer: It is.
Em Schulz: It is. I'd be pissed. Especially the person who's paying the water bill. I'd be like, oh boy.
Christine Schiefer: That's right. [laughter]
Em Schulz: People have watched, uh, chairs and table items move around on their own. And by table items, I mean like salt and pepper and like the napkin dispensers and stuff like that.
Christine Schiefer: Mm-Hmm.
Em Schulz: Umm, and random tables will vibrate and shake on their own, especially when investigative teams have come in and asked for a sign. That seems to be one of the first things they do is the tables will.
Christine Schiefer: Oh yeah the tables.
Em Schulz: Shake around.
Christine Schiefer: Oh, The screen just shook [laughter] It's been doing that the whole time. Don't worry.
Em Schulz: Oh I didn't.
Christine Schiefer: But it did.
Em Schulz: I didn't know that. You freaked me out. [laughter] umm, ooh, sorry.
Christine Schiefer: I'm Sorry.
Em Schulz: I, no, I derailed in my own brain because today actually there was a ghost experience.
Christine Schiefer: I was hoping you'd tell this story.
Em Schulz: Okay.
Christine Schiefer: It was terrifying.
[cheers]
Em Schulz: So, uh, this isn't for, uh, this story, so I don't think I'm, I mean, I'm, I don't think I'd be ruining anything anyway, but a a spoiler to a story somewhere in the future, umm, one of the things that a ghost did is that they would knock on a door pretty incessantly, like knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock, knock really loudly until you would go and open the door and no one would be there. Umm, and people would look in the peephole and no one would be there. And I was typing out that sentence, and as I finished typing the sentence, all of a sudden the door to my hotel room started knocking that loudly and aggressively. And I walked over and it was still knocking when I looked through the peephole and no one was there.
Christine Schiefer: This is like, this is like four hours ago, [laughter]
Em Schulz: Yeah. We, and we just, we had just checked it and I was like, uh, I'm not telling you where I am.
Christine Schiefer: No, nice try [laughter]
Em Schulz: But I will be sleeping with either Christine or Eva tonight.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Em Schulz: Because I don't need that. [laughter] umm, hmm. Where were we?
Christine Schiefer: [laughter] I don't have any idea.
Em Schulz: I don't know. Oh, the tables shake. Right.
Christine Schiefer: Right, right.
Em Schulz: Umm, so near the upstairs bathroom, people actually get, uh, pretty consistent photos of orbs. And this is where the elevator used to be, so.
Christine Schiefer: Oh okay. Right.
Em Schulz: It's got some bad juju over there. Umm, the boxes move, uh, when they bring in like new shipments, the boxes will move across the floor on their own as if there is nothing in them. And like with like, basically with an extreme strength, but they're packed boxes that are really heavy and they're just getting flung around the kitchen. Like, whatever is pushing it around is very strong.
Christine Schiefer: Yes.
Em Schulz: Umm, the blah, blah, blah. Oh, the stalls, uh, in the bathroom actually have a, a weird quote, "Unexplainable breeze".
Christine Schiefer: Oh no. Oh no.
Em Schulz: And most of the staff avoid the bathroom altogether because not only are there orbs near the elevator next to the bathroom, but apparently someone will tap on your shoulder while you're on the toilet.
Audience: [gasp]
Christine Schiefer: That's rude.
Em Schulz: Surveillance has also caught footage of shadows moving through the restaurant while the restaurant is closed. And staff have witnessed dishes being thrown off the shelves and tables moving into the air.
Christine Schiefer: Hmm.
Em Schulz: Umm, one employee actually said, this is a quote, "we had a flood a year ago and the basement was destroyed and we had to clean up everything. The next morning, all the chairs and tables were stacked in one corner away from the mess".
Christine Schiefer: Ugh. Ugh.
Em Schulz: Gross. But also kind of like considerate.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: It's like at at least you know, you want your place clean.
Christine Schiefer: Very Poltergeisty.
Em Schulz: Umm, there are voices of children, our favorite, in the upstairs rooms and get this. So there the most children voices or the, the room with the most children voices is the same room where one of the antiques that they've collected there is an urn cabinet.
Christine Schiefer: Uh-oh.
Em Schulz: That was once used in an orphanage.
Christine Schiefer: Oh my god. What, why, why would you want that?
Em Schulz: So it just holds a bunch of cremated children.
Christine Schiefer: What is the matter with people?
Em Schulz: Umm, most of the spirits probably come into the building because they're attached to the antiques there. That's the main theory. And, uh, the cops have actually been called multiple times about potential break-ins because people walking by at night have seen people in the restaurant after hours. But then the cops will go in and nobody's there. And one time cops actually went in and right when they were about to leave, someone turned a light on in the back.
Christine Schiefer: Ah!
Em Schulz: And so they were like, oh yeah, someone for sure is broke in here. And there was no one in, in the room. It was like a dead end. They couldn't have gotten out. So.
Christine Schiefer: That's scary.
Em Schulz: It's like just playing with them. Uh, people will hear their own names being called from across the building and the spirit of a man walks up and down the hall near the bathrooms, which also happens to be near the elevator, which means it could be the guy that.
Christine Schiefer: Oh.
Em Schulz: Fell into the 18 inches of the elevator shaft [laughter] Umm, the waiters have reported, this is, I don't know who's a waiter here, but imagine this, oh, maybe the waiters [laughter] Umm, but.
Christine Schiefer: Could be. Maybe.
Em Schulz: Tip your waiters. Umm, they have reported their shoelaces untying themselves, and even the shoelaces floating in the air after being untied to let you know that they've been untied by someone other than you.
Christine Schiefer: It's like, hello?
Audience: Fresh!
Christine: Oh, I didn't mean to do that.
Em Schulz: The staff prefer to go upstairs in pairs and they feel a heavy, angry presence staring at them. And one of them even felt a hand grab their arm. One employee has seen a wicker basket levitate off the ground, hover, and then gently place itself back down. Good.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: I don't know if that's like a threat or...
Christine Schiefer: A wicker basket.
Em Schulz: I'm impressed. Umm I don't know how to take it. I don't know, there's nothing as neutral like a wicker basket.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: It's very true.
Em Schulz: So this is our first in And That's Why We Draw.
[applause]
Christine Schiefer: You probably can't see it, but it says...
Em Schulz: It says wine gymnastics.
Christine Schiefer: Right.
Em Schulz: So for anyone who doesn't know And That's Why We Draw is, we in advance, put out a couple of prompts, umm, with different phrases we're gonna be saying throughout our stories that have, make no contextual sense to you. And we want you guys to be confused and then draw what you think we could either be talking about or what you think it, what's, you know, something funny and whatever we like the most or whatever makes us laugh the most we put up here for you. Umm, just a fun way to break up the death. So, this is uh from Josephine. This is wine gymnastics.
[applause]
Christine Schiefer: Ooh. Oh my. Look at this!
Em Schulz: Okay. But she sticks her landing.
Christine Schiefer: That's what's important.
Em Schulz: That's beautiful. And look at, look at you. Number one, Christine.
Christine Schiefer: Number one! Yay! Oh my. Really...
[background conversation]
Christine Schiefer: I know. We heard.
Em Schulz: I think we heard that.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Thank you.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Good job. I love this so much. Look how happy they are though.
Em Schulz: But also... They're so happy. And also, I don't think a real gymnast can do that.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Probably not.
Em Schulz: I don't know if anyone wants to prove me wrong. Go ahead. Umm...
Christine Schiefer: We'll do it later.
Em Schulz: So, and then there's actually...
Christine Schiefer: Thank you Josephine!
Em Schulz: There's another one by Alex.
Christine Schiefer: Nope.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: Okay. Okay. This is from Alex.
Christine Schiefer: Ooh, wait. Wow.
Em Schulz: I just thought this was kind of beautiful. This is just art.
Christine Schiefer: Ooh, fancy.
Em Schulz: Umm, that's all there is to that so.
Christine Schiefer: I love that.
Em Schulz: It's a shame, Alex is not here to see that. Okay so the reason I picked wine gymnastics is because just like how the wicker basket levitated from the ground and back down, there was an employee who was waiting on a dinner party and watched a bottle of wine... Christine, you listening? And...
Christine Schiefer: Very carefully, very closely.
Em Schulz: Watched a bottle of wine lift itself off the table. It floated several inches away, weaving through objects and landed upright, sticking its landing. [laughter] That was like, you like trying out like telepathy, like just getting its...
Christine Schiefer: Bring it to me.
Em Schulz: Or not telepathy. It's telekinesis. Telekinesis, yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Telepathy. Talking to the wine...
Em Schulz: I dunno. Try making it move to you.
Christine Schiefer: In my head.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: Look, I think three feet is 18 inches.
Christine Schiefer: I do that too.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: So, umm, that's why I picked wine gymnastics. So...
Christine Schiefer: Love it. Love it, love it, love it.
Em Schulz: People... Thank you.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: I heard claps and I didn't know what was going on.
Christine Schiefer: Thank you Josephine and Alex.
Em Schulz: Yeah. Thank you Josephine. Umm, so the staff will also open the restaurant in the mornings and see the bottles of condiments and sugar packets all over the floor. Way rude. Umm, and people will hear a piano playing. One waiter actually thought his friends were pranking him by playing a piano in the back, but nobody was there when he went to go look.
Christine Schiefer: Yikes.
Em Schulz: And when he yelled into the room for whatever was there to knock it off, something tapped his shoulder, knocked on top of the piano.
Christine Schiefer: Aaahhh!
Em Schulz: And then held down a lot of the keys.
Christine Schiefer: Aahhh! Yuck.
Em Schulz: So let him know that he didn't have a say in that. Umm, there are also reports... This is very odd, but there are reports of, umm, pennies on the ground. If they're sitting on the ground still, they will, uh, just fly off into multiple directions by themselves. And the only reason I can think that that happens is because I know copper is supposed to be one of those things that affects the, something about paranormal energy. Like cop... You're supposed to keep pennies with you when you go investigate.
Christine Schiefer: Really?
Em Schulz: Fun fact. Umm.
Audience: Drink!
Christine Schiefer: I didn't know that.
Em Schulz: But so it, because it did say only pennies, if you leave a bunch of coins on the ground, only pennies will get moved.
Christine Schiefer: Okay.
Em Schulz: Maybe it's easier for them to move.
Christine Schiefer: They're like, fuck your pennies. Where's my quarters?
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Just toss 'em away.
Em Schulz: Umm, so the next one is paranormal kitchen.
Christine Schiefer: Ooh. I like that.
Em Schulz: And we got quite a lot of, a lot of interesting things for this one, but this was my personal favorite. This was from Lauren.
Christine Schiefer: Whoa! Holy shit.
Em Schulz: Is Lauren here? Yeah, that's you.
Christine Schiefer: Thank you, Lauren.
Em Schulz: Thank you for the nightmares.
Christine Schiefer: Thank you.
Em Schulz: Umm, so...
[laughter]
Em Schulz: I'm really loving it.
Christine Schiefer: It's terrifying.
Em Schulz: We should... Someone tag him in this later.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Umm, please do.
Em Schulz: So obvious. I mean, I've already said a couple of things about why I would call it a paranormal kitchen or why I would use that phrase. 'Cause a lot of things, pans are getting moved around and condiments are getting moved around. Umm, people have witnessed pots and pans clanking together for no reason, like I said. And also there is a fridge in the kitchen that they just put food in to chill until it's, it's needed to come out. And, uh, can you tell 'em not like in food service at all.
Christine Schiefer: That's what refrigerators are usually for.
Em Schulz: I know like there's a... What a refrigerator is, but there's apparently like a specific one just to like, put salads in and so they need to get pulled out and stuff.
Christine Schiefer: Okay.
Em Schulz: Umm, I know I sound like a rampant idiot today.
Christine Schiefer: I didn't say anything.
Em Schulz: Umm, so in the refrigerator that keeps things cold. Umm...
Christine Schiefer: Right. I'm following, I'm following.
Em Schulz: The, the manager has a story that she went into the fridge to grab three different salads and before she could actually grab the salads, they all got thrown at her face.
Christine Schiefer: Oh! That's...
Em Schulz: She's just the worst.
Christine Schiefer: That's terrible.
Em Schulz: Like plate and all.
Christine Schiefer: Yikes.
Em Schulz: Yikes. So people hear voices in the kitchen in the early morning and...
Christine Schiefer: Fuck your salads.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Sorry.
Em Schulz: What?
Christine Schiefer: Fuck your salads.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Where's my pizza? I'm sorry. Keep going.
Em Schulz: I mean, we both know that would be us as ghosts.
Christine Schiefer: Fuck your pennies. Fuck your salads.
Em Schulz: Be like, if it's not steak on my desktop, I don't know.
Christine Schiefer: No.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: So people hear voices in the kitchen when they're opening or closing, so early morning, late night. And, uh, they hear sounds of food being cut and prepared even though the chefs aren't, haven't started working yet. And they will hear the fridge doors slamming all at once.
Christine Schiefer: Mm.
Em Schulz: And employees have worked there... The employees that have worked there long enough have seen a whole lot of things and eventually start refusing to talk about their experiences 'cause there's so many, and I guess they don't wanna sound crazy.
Christine Schiefer: Okay.
Em Schulz: Until I show up.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Em Schulz: And I'm like, tell me it all. Umm, the second floor is the scariest part, like I said, where everyone feels some sort of demonic presence, it seems. Staff try to make the new employees go do the tasks up there so they don't have to go.
Christine Schiefer: Sure. Sure.
Em Schulz: And that being said, though, the manager makes sure in interviews to say that the restaurant calls whatever is there spirits, not ghosts. Because ghosts are, they sound, I guess to the manager, to the ear of the manager, ghost sounds like a meaner word. So they say spirits to like respect them.
Christine Schiefer: Okay.
Em Schulz: Which is nice. It's like...
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. Yeah.
Em Schulz: I mean, whatever works. I mean...
Christine Schiefer: Seriously.
Em Schulz: They're not gonna judge you trying to keep ghosts happy.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Here, I'll take it.
Em Schulz: I got it.
Christine Schiefer: Okay.
Em Schulz: Umm, so, uh, I think this was one of the employees said, quote, "I don't come in the mornings early and I don't stay late. I, It's just weird. I don't ever wanna be there. I don't even come in during the daylight hours by myself. I'm always with a buddy." It's like, why are you working there?
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. That's, no.
Em Schulz: That's a lot... That's a lot of not wanting to be there. Uh, another employee has said, I've seen a spirit in the front window and it never hurts us, but it lets us know it's there. I don't like it at all.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: A lot of people like really stoked to work here and hate it all at the same time.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Em Schulz: So these are a couple of sad pictures. And these are actually sad pictures, which I'm sure you're probably familiar with.
Christine Schiefer: Oh no.
Em Schulz: Umm, so in 2009, the restaurant was destroyed by the flooding of Hurricane Harvey.
Christine Schiefer: Uh-huh.
[background conversation]
Christine Schiefer: Wrong?
Em Schulz: What?
Audience: 2017.
Em Schulz: What's that?
Christine Schiefer: 2017.
Em Schulz: 2017. Why did I put nine? Oh, I know why. You'll find out in a second. You'll find out in a second. Sorry. Sorry. I know... Listen, are we surprised?
Audience: Drink!
Em Schulz: So the restaurant, 2017. Yikes. Umm, Michael Kim... You'll find out why I actually had '09 in a second. Michael Kim, who is the president of Spaghetti Warehouse, has a quote that says, "Spaghetti Warehouse faced a turbulent and uncertain future after the catastrophic flooding caused by Hurricane Harvey, including the destruction of the longtime Spaghetti Warehouse home in the downtown Houston area. It has been a very difficult circumstance, but we really wanted to come back despite the many challenges associated." So that being said, oh, and this is supposedly the picture in the bottom right. This is the picture that they found all the tables stacked on their own.
Christine Schiefer: Oh no. Okay.
Em Schulz: Umm, sounds pretty wild. So now in...
Christine Schiefer: Oh!
Em Schulz: This year, uh, Warehouse 72 is opened or being opened, one of the two.
Christine Schiefer: Being opened.
Em Schulz: Being opened. It said sometime in 2019. So I didn't know what that meant. I like, I looked it up and everything says like some, some says it's like already open. I think they're just pre-gaming. So...
Christine Schiefer: With spaghetti.
Em Schulz: With spaghetti. That's my way to pre-game.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: Umm, so Warehouse 72 is being open and it's a reinvention of the old Spaghetti Warehouse. And the new menu is going to still offer all the classic dishes that everyone loved and all the signature dishes that all the chefs loved, umm, that were from Spaghetti Warehouse. But this time they're gonna be adding new meals including pizza, brisket and short ribs.
Christine Schiefer: Oh wow.
Audience: It's opening next door to here.
Christine Schiefer: Next door to here?
Audience: Yeah.
Em Schulz: Wow.
Christine Schiefer: Em...
Em Schulz: I knew it or what?
Christine Schiefer: Pretend you knew that. Pretend you knew that. Yep, I knew that.
Em Schulz: Alright. So, umm, why did I say '09? Because I meant 1909. Because I made...
[laughter]
Em Schulz: Because...
Christine Schiefer: You were so close.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: Listen, I've, I'm like very aware that there's no recovering from anything that I've done so far.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: But it's fine. It's cool.
Christine Schiefer: Your only, your only hope is that I do worse, which is entirely possible. So... The night is young.
Em Schulz: Listen, we've got a while to go. So, umm, how could I be more stupid is the question you're asking. Right? Well, here's the answer. So I got a lot of my information about the ghosts and I was like, wow, some of this doesn't really add up. What's going on? And it's because the thing that you really hated on Christine for earlier, you're gonna hate me too. Um...
Christine Schiefer: Shut up.
Em Schulz: I thought, I thought they were the same thing.
Christine Schiefer: I told you.
Em Schulz: So I thought...
Christine Schiefer: We're gonna get booed off stage.
Em Schulz: I thought that some of the stories were from the old Spaghetti Factory. For someone who's never been to either, they sound awfully alike.
Christine Schiefer: They do.
Em Schulz: And so, umm, so anyway, like in my, this is my version of an apology. I'm also going to tell you the ghosts about the old Spaghetti Factory that has nothing to do with Houston.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Well, where's that? Where's that?
Em Schulz: It's in California.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Holy shit.
Em Schulz: I feel like... I just feel dumber.
Christine Schiefer: I thought that was a California thing, but...
Em Schulz: Well look at the mountains. That looks like home, right?
Christine Schiefer: Yowza. Okay.
Em Schulz: Umm, so I hope you guys can forgive my, at least you get something out of it. You're gonna get even more ghost stories. So I said, I said 2009 earlier, because what I meant was the old Spaghetti Factory, the building was built in 1909 as a five room schoolhouse for first and 11th graders. First through 11th graders, not just like the two.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: That's quite a discrepancy.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: Either you're six or 16 and that's it.
Christine Schiefer: Oh my God.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: Guys just wait till the second show and I have just, I'm gone.
[applause]
Em Schulz: You got a whole night with me. So it was built in 1909 as a schoolhouse, umm, for first through 11th graders. And it was the only school, the only school in the area until 1925. And that's where things started, like, not clicking to me. So I was like, didn't this, didn't this, wasn't this a produce place like for 15 years during that time? And...
Christine Schiefer: How did you end up with this? Like, was it like Houston, California, like how...
Em Schulz: No, I think I just typed in, I think I type, this is, actually, this is exactly what happened. I googled haunted spaghetti restaurant, [laughter] and then I've told you a million times, I just go through the first three pages of Google and that's what happened. It just, it all combined.
Christine Schiefer: I mean, okay. Fair. The keywords are there. You're right. You're right.
Em Schulz: I tried my best.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: Umm, so, and it gets really dark really fast. So I hope you guys had a good time just now. So it was a schoolhouse. And then, uh, nowadays as the old Spaghetti Factory, uh, there's a private dining room downstairs, which was actually the principal's office when it was a school. And there is a painting on the wall that nobody removes because apparently it is a haunted painting on the wall because that part of the wall is where the principal hanged himself.
Christine Schiefer: [gasp] Oh no.
Em Schulz: Where children may or may not have discovered his body.
Christine Schiefer: Oh no.
Em Schulz: Allegedly.
Christine Schiefer: Yikes.
Em Schulz: Umm, there was also a fire at one point in which four children died.
Christine Schiefer: No.
Em Schulz: Including a little girl who died from falling down the stairs trying to escape.
Christine Schiefer: Stop.
Em Schulz: When she fell down the stairs, she broke her neck.
Christine Schiefer: Okay.
Em Schulz: Umm, once the building was closed as a school, some of the teenagers that had gone there tried to break in and because it was a break in, the police came and thought that they were there for more dangerous reasons and actually shot and killed one of the kids.
Christine Schiefer: [gasp]
[background conversation]
Christine Schiefer: Holy shit.
Em Schulz: The, I told you, I hope you had a good time earlier.
Christine Schiefer: Yikes.
Em Schulz: The, the building then got turned into the old Spaghetti Factory, right where everyone wants to eat, in a crime scene.
Christine Schiefer: I know what I'll put here. Noodles.
Em Schulz: If I put enough pasta here, everyone will forget. Umm...
Christine Schiefer: Yikes.
Em Schulz: So it opened as the old Spaghetti Factory I think in 1998. Who knows with my fucking information anymore. Umm, and it has been haunted obviously ever since. And one, the, this is really sad. One of the main ghosts is an apparition of a little girl with a bent neck.
Christine Schiefer: No. Em! I told you about my nightmare last night. Bent neck lady. I had a terrible nightmare last night.
Em Schulz: I, yeah...
Christine Schiefer: Oh my God. It's like, I was like reading your notes from afar.
Em Schulz: I swear to God, you guys have not, or, or to gosh, you're, I know I'm in Texas.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: Umm, sorry, I had a panic attack there.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Woo. That was close.
Em Schulz: Woo hoo. No one heard through this microphone. Umm, yeah, so we've prerecorded a lot of episodes that haven't come out yet, so you haven't, I don't think you've heard it just yet, but there are several episodes in a row where we're creepily psychic and the things that we're bantering about in the beginning are actually like my exact story or...
Christine Schiefer: I like dream about. It's very weird.
Em Schulz: Yeah, it started with the Tesla episode.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, the Tesla.
Em Schulz: [overlapping conversation]
Christine Schiefer: Tesla. Yeah.
Em Schulz: But so I mean, earlier today I had, I had, was reviewing my notes and I remember the girl with the neck and then I saw Christine and I was like, oh, how was your night? And she's like, well, I had a dream that this like girl's neck, like ripped in half. And I was like...
[laughter]
Em Schulz: What?!
Christine Schiefer: Actually the dream was that this girl was crawling under bus seats and her neck went all the way back.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Bus seats! Like a troll. Okay, now I'm stretching. All right, now I'm pushing it.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: So anyway, umm, she was...
Christine Schiefer: I didn't sleep much, let's just put it that way.
Em Schulz: Yeah. That was the end. Basically I said, how did you sleep? And she went, not well.
Christine Schiefer: It's like, do you see my face? Okay.
Em Schulz: Umm, so because mainly children were the ones who have died in this building, children are the main spirits at this place where you hear running around upstairs, you hear laughing, giggling and you hear them playing together.
Christine Schiefer: Aww.
Em Schulz: You hear like pieces of board games clacking, but there's no board games, so at least they have that.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. I mean, yeah.
Em Schulz: Umm, the staff feel their pant legs being tugged on like a little kid.
Christine Schifer: Aww.
Em Schulz: And, uh, not on anymore though because the waiters, uh, regularly feel being tickled and/or pinched.
Christine Schiefer: Yikes.
Em Schulz: And I don't know which is worse. Umm...
Christine Schiefer: Yikes.
Em Schulz: Some of the waiters have also seen condiments disappear at this restaurant as well. So they do have a little Venn diagram sliver in the middle.
Christine Schiefer: Mm. The ketchup that ties it all together.
Em Schulz: And people hear children running in the restaurant, uh, during closing and the doors will slam on their own. And every now and then, there will be a little kid when they're closing up that says, bye.
Christine Schiefer: Oh my God. That means they're like aware of...
Em Schulz: And that's my story of a lot of spaghetti.
Christine Schiefer: Woo-hoo.
[applause]
Christine Schiefer: Oh man. You did good. You did good.
Em Schulz: I did the best I could guys.
[applause]
Christine Schiefer: Look at that. You did good.
Em Schulz: And with no, uh, nothing further.
Christine Schiefer: Further adieu. Yeah.
Em Schulz: Uh, Christine's story that I don't know, so I couldn't put the title.
Christine Schiefer: All right. I mean, I really do feel like you set a high bar here.
Em Schulz: All you have to do is fuck up a million times.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: And you'll be almost as good as me.
Christine Schiefer: And do a magic trick, I guess. All right. Hey guys.
[applause]
Christine Schiefer: I'm going to tell you about a local criminal named Ana Trujillo, the Stiletto Killer.
[applause]
Audience: Yes please!
Christine Schiefer: Yes, please is right. Alright. Do you know this person?
Em Schulz: No.
Christine Schiefer: Oh yeah. Next slide. There she is. Alright.
Em Schulz: Alright.
Christine Schiefer: Here we go. So, Ana Trujillo grew up in Waco, uh, and woo-hoo.
Em Schulz: Alright.
Christine Schiefer: In a family of strict Jehovah's witnesses. Woo-hoo.
Em Schulz: Woo-hoo.
Christine Schiefer: Why not. [laughter] Umm, her family was not well off as she was growing up, and she never went to college, but instead got married right out of high school at age 19. Umm, they had, so she and her husband had two daughters, and when they were grown, uh, she and her husband divorced and she moved out of the suburbs and into the city of Houston, uh, by herself. And you know that thing, like when you go through a breakup and then you have that phase of like, I'm just gonna go a little crazy for a while, you know?
Em Schulz: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Just me. Okay. Yes. Yeah. Some people are doing it right here. Woo-hoo. I applaud you.
Em Schulz: I don't think I know it, but I support everyone.
Christine Schiefer: I have been there. Okay. So this is what Ana did. So at this point, she's like, I'm gonna have fun. I'm gonna party. You know.
Em Schulz: She's Being a free woman.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, exactly. So she was, she was 39, newly single and wanted to enjoy her life. Umm, she basically pulled a complete 180 from her upbringing and dove headfirst into her new life of going out and experience-experiencing Houston's what I'm sure is lovely nightlife.
Em Schulz: I mean, do you hear how loud these people are? It's...
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Em Schulz: Bananas, I'm sure. [laughter]
Christine Schiefer: If you guys are, yeah, any indication. Umm, okay. So she loved to go out and party. Umm, obviously nothing wrong with that. Uh, the quote. So I watched an episode of Snapped on her, umm, and the quote of the woman, they interviewed about her, like totally dead hands, straight face, looked into the camera and said, "she liked tequila shots."
[applause]
Christine Schiefer: Like... I watched it maybe 85 times. [laughter] It was like sad music under it.
Em Schulz: I can't wait until like your documentary when everyone's like, God, that bitch loved wine.
Christine Schiefer: It's like a slow-mo of me walking on stage with a bottle of wine and like sad music playing. Yeah. [laughter] So you get the idea. Umm, so as we said, cool, you love tequila, go for it. Uh, she loved getting attention from men as well. She was new, newly single. Umm, but here's where things kind of went off the rails. Umm, so she had moved to the city, but what I didn't tell you is that she didn't actually, umm, have a place to live. So what she would do is kind of meet people in bars and like drift around from house to house, like staying with strangers.
Em Schulz: Oh, no.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. Umm, so she would meet men at bars and restaurants and then, you know, stay over at their, their place. Uh, and because of that, she didn't have a place to live, which again, you know, you do you, but it is important to the story. Umm, so because of that, my first, And That's Why We Draw, is called A Never Ending Slumber Party because this sounds terrible to me. I just wanna go home. [laughter] But, she was always out at a slumber party. So this is called A Never Ending Slumber Party. And, umm, I have, this is by Samara, and, uh, I just thought it was very well done.
Em Schulz: It's well done. Is Samara here?
Christine Schiefer: Uh, this is just so well done. So it says OMG, your hair is soooo thick. We are so cute. Anyway, and then later she said, oh, I realized after I did it, I should have done like you Em and Eva, but it was too late. So.
Em Schulz: What are you talking about? That's me right there in the snuggy onesie.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, That's true. Complimenting my hair. Yeah, I doubt it.
Em Schulz: Your hair is sooo thick.
Christine Schiefer: Sarcastically. Maybe. Umm, and then I have one more by Jenny, who I think is here. No, maybe. Oh no, she's not. Just kidding. Uh. [laughter]
[applause]
Christine Schiefer: And this makes me look so crazy, but I love it. It's me, Blaise and Gio and Junie, the never ending slumber party.
Em Schulz: I, so Christine, I, I do, like I said, I do the slides and then Christine sends me the pictures that is on her end. And so I got an email with this picture in it, and I was like, this is precious.
Christine Schiefer: Look at Junie.
Em Schulz: This is so cute. You're so skinny. Christine.
Christine Schiefer: Thanks. And my hair is so thick. [laughter] Oh boy. All right. So anyway, Never Ending Slumber Party. So Ana, it's August of 2012 and she's living with a man in this condo building in Houston. Umm, it's, I believe it's called the Park Lane. I don't know if that's calling it out or what, too late. Okay. It's like a high end condo complex, basically.
Em Schulz: Okay.
Christine Schiefer: Umm, one day she's walking through the lobby when she meets a hand, a handsome Swedish man, uh, named Stefan Anderson, who actually lived in the same condo complex. So Stefan, umm, can you hit next? Sorry.
Em Schulz: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: There he is. Oh, that's a big picture. Sorry. He's kind of svelte, you know.
Em Schulz: He's got a piercing blue eyes.
Christine Schiefer: Woo-hoo. So that's Stefan. Umm, he is this brilliant, highly educated pharmaceutical researcher who had recently moved to Houston to become a biochemistry professor at the University of Houston.
[cheers]
Christine Schiefer: Anytime we say like a local school, we either get boos or hoorays, so.
Em Schulz: We never know what what's, and also like in the south, I know like.
Christine Schiefer: Oh yeah.
Em Schulz: Colleges are, there's a lot of pride here, so.
Christine Schiefer: We gotta like, not step on any toes.
Em Schulz: Dallas, Dallas was a rough one. We were just shouting schools and a lot of different.
Christine Schiefer: Yikes.
Em Schulz: Reactions were happening.
Christine Schiefer: So she and Stefan meet in the lobby. They strike up a conversation and when Ana finds out Stefan is single, she agrees to go out for drinks with him. Umm, but you know, remember she's living with this other guy in the same building, so it's a little complicated, but she's like, meh, fuck it. So she continues her slumber party elsewhere, I guess. Umm, so that evening they go out and within a couple of days she's pretty much moved into his condo. Umm, they spend most of their time exploring the museum district, uh, eating. I hear it's...
Em Schulz: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: I hear it's nice. Uh, eating at fine restaurants, drinking at nice bars. Uh, he's got a good job, uh, with a healthy salary. So he's basically picking up her tabs and they're both kind of happy with this arrangement. Umm, but some of Stefan's friends aren't so sure. So he's this world renowned scientist, umm, and she's this kind of wild child who had moved into his place already and his friends were a little hesitant about it.
Em Schulz: And loves tequila shots.
Christine Schiefer: And loves tequila shots, most importantly. Umm, but according to some of his friends, uh, it made perfect sense. And Stefan was actually really happy because, you know, she's a younger, beautiful woman. He's like having a fun time. Uh, he's showing her off. He actually told one friend that he'd met a hot Latina woman, uh, and that he was really enjoying their time together. So they seem very happy. Right. It's about to not be that way anymore. Okay.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: In case you didn't know what show you were at. [laughter] Okay. Uh, so less than a year after they first met, tragedy struck on the night of June 9th, 2013, when Houston Police responded to an urgent 9-1-1 call from a luxury condo building called the Park Lane. Umm, which actually is one of the most exclusive condo complexes in town, at least in 2013. Uh, it was Ana calling to report that her boyfriend, Stefan Anderson, had just assaulted her. She's on the line sobbing, wailing saying she tried to defend herself, but Stefan wouldn't let go. So when the officer arrives on the scene, he enters to see Ana covered in blood, and then the body of Stefan Anderson in a pool of his own blood.
Em Schulz: Oh, no.
Christine Schiefer: And EMTs confirmed that he had passed away. So seeing the body officers assumed Stefan had been shot because he was, there was just that much blood.
Em Schulz: Okay.
Christine Schiefer: Umm, but when they asked Ana where the weapon was, she pointed to the floor next to Stefan's head at a five and a half inch stiletto heel.
Em Schulz: What?!
Christine Schiefer: Yikes.
Em Schulz: Oh, My God. They really are a weapon.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. Well, actually, I don't actually put this in my notes, but, umm, they actually showed like the inside of a, like a stiletto that tall. And it's basically the form of an ice pick. Like it's the same, 'cause they have to be that strong to like, hold a person up.
Em Schulz: Right. Right.
Christine Schiefer: So they're like made with metal, like the metal of an ice pick.
Em Schulz: I would just never, I would never think about that.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Em Schulz: Wow. Okay.
Christine Schiefer: Which is crazy. So, uh.
Em Schulz: Terrifying.
Christine Schiefer: Can you hit next?
Em Schulz: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: So my, And That's Why You Draw is called An Unlikely Murder Weapon. Umm, and this one is by Jackie, who I think is here actually. Yeah. Hit next. Oh, there, it's a bowling ball and it is an homage to our, And That's Why We Drink bowling team and my skull bowling ball that I'm very proud of.
Em Schulz: We Have a lot of bowling things involved in our show, [laughter] when it's like neither of us have a passion for it, but it's.
Christine Schiefer: I, I started the bowling team at my high school.
Em Schulz: Oh, right, I'm sorry.
Christine Schiefer: 'cause I had a crush on Ian Morgan.
Em Schulz: I was forced into the craft. I was forced into the craft.
Christine Schiefer: Alright. So, one question Ana says, her relationship with Stefan had started well but had turned abusive. She said Stefan had a dark side, he was obsessive, kind of bordering on stalking. Umm, but the worst, according to her, was his drinking problem. Uh, she said when he drank, he had anger that was out of control, and he actually started drinking at 9:00 AM most days and wasn't able to control himself. Umm, she said it had gotten so bad that she had actually left and gone to Mexico for an extended vacation just to get away from him for a while and kind of let the relationship cool off. So she said a few months later, uh, Stefan had stopped drinking and was doing so well, that when he asked her to marry him, she said yes.
Audience: Why?
Em Schulz: Bad call.
Christine Schiefer: Well, when a man and a woman fall in love, no. So they went out to Bar 5015, umm, which is an upscale bar in Houston that still exists. I looked it up on Yelp, uh, to celebrate their engagement.
Em Schulz: By the way, you're doing great. Like.
Christine Schiefer: Really.
Em Schulz: Compared to me not knowing anything.
Christine Schiefer: I feel like I'm just like word vomiting at everybody.
Em Schulz: No, I, I just wanted to say, so far no one's laughed at anything you like, not, No. They've laughed at everything. No. Wait, See.
Christine Schiefer: Listen.
Em Schulz: You're funny, but not stupid.
Audience: Drink!
Em Schulz: It was meant to be a compliment. I'm gonna stop talking.
Christine Schiefer: Just stick to my hair. That's, you can compli...
Em Schulz: Your hair looks so thick.
Christine Schiefer: Thank you.
Audience: You're doing great sweetie!
[background conversation]
[applause]
Christine Schiefer: I love you guys. Thank you.
Audience: We love you too.
Christine Schiefer: Oh Boy oh boy. There's a lot of people here. Okay.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: So they go out to this bar, right? Still exists. Yelp yada, yada. So Stefan, despite having recently become sober, as we remember, was actually drinking that day. And they had a nice time until apparently he snapped and I was watching Snapped. So I think that's why they chose that wording. Just, just a hunch, I'm not, just a guess.
Em Schulz: On Snapped, they talked about someone who snapped.
Christine Schiefer: I know.
Em Schulz: Imagine that.
Christine Schiefer: Who could have guessed.
Audience: What?!
Christine Schiefer: When... That's what I said. Uh, when they got home, he accused her of flirting with other men at the bar. She tried to leave, but as she turned for for the door, he flew into a rage, grabbed her and held her down, choking her until she grabbed the closest thing she could reach, which was her shoe, and hit him in the head until he stopped moving and she was able to call 9-1-1. So obviously in the eyes of the law, this is justified, uh, self-defense, domestic violence. Umm, she did what she... Go Texas.
[applause]
Christine Schiefer: They're like, okay girl, you did what you had to do. Umm, but they take temporarily take her into custody because actually this was immediately a high profile case just because the media jumped on stiletto murder.
Em Schulz: Right.
Christine Schiefer: You know, so there were like, but before she even left the apartment building, there was already news crews outside. So they kept her, umm, at the police station to kind of keep her out of the public eye for a little bit.
Em Schulz: I gotcha. I gotcha.
Christine Schiefer: Umm, and the first step, uh, in checking out her story was to photograph her body for any evidence. And she takes off her clothes and there is not a mark on her. Not a scratch, not a bruise, nothing.
Em Schulz: Ohh.
Christine Schiefer: And this is a little startling because, you know, she's saying he choked me. I couldn't breathe. I almost.
Em Schulz: Right.
Christine Schiefer: You know, so they're like, okay, that's a little odd, you know, but whatever. So red flag a little bit. Umm, and meanwhile, uh, they looked at Stefan, and he had been struck at least 20 times, 25 times, sorry, with the shoe. And they also found puncture wounds on his arms, his hands, uh, in other words, textbook defensive wounds on the palms of his hands.
Em Schulz: Oh, no.
Christine Schiefer: So that was a little odd too. They were like, if he was holding onto your neck, you know, why are his hands full of marks? Umm, and then the techs made an interesting discovery at the scene of the crime. All of the bloodstains were about two feet from the floor, suggesting the opposite of Ana's story that Stefan had been on top of her. And actually the blood spatter indicated that the wounds had been inflicted while he was on his back.
Em Schulz: Oh.
Christine Schiefer: And she had blood soaked in the legs and crotch area of her jeans, umm, indicating she was straddling him as she attacked him.
Em Schulz: Oh, no.
Christine Schiefer: So whatever did happen, the story that she told, there are some discrepancies. Flaws.
Em Schulz: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Yes. So at least the story that he was holding her down as she fought back was patently untrue. So next they interviewed Stefan's friends and family to kind of like get, uh, get a deal for, get a feel for what their relationship was like. Umm, it turns out he really did have a drinking problem and had been to rehab. But where Ana said he was an angry, violent drunk, his friend said he was mild mannered, lonely and gentle, sometimes a little depressed. Umm, but they did have something interesting to tell about Ana.
Em Schulz: Ooh. A fun fact.
Christine Schiefer: A fun little fact.
Audience: Drink!
Christine Schiefer: That is not very fun. Just like you said.
Em Schulz: Never are, never are.
Christine Schiefer: Never are. It turns out she had been actually arrested twice already for driving under the influence. She had been driving the wrong way down a major freeway in Houston. Although, to be fair, I almost did that today. So.
[laughter]
Em Schulz: Not our fault. It's Texas's fault.
Christine Schiefer: I am just, just to say. Umm, her own friends, her own friends, explained that she didn't handle alcohol well. Uh, she became a different person and was a heavy drinker. She was often kicked out of bars for public intoxication. Uh, she would fight attack, hurt people. Several of her ex-boyfriends actually testified that she had bitten them, hit them in the face, uh, once she hit in the head with a candlestick and he was sent to the emergency room, but he didn't press charges.
Em Schulz: Oh my God.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. Not good.
Em Schulz: Wow. Okay.
Christine Schiefer: Not a good back like history.
Em Schulz: Right.
Christine Schiefer: So when she and Stefan got together, umm, basically both of their friends said like, it was just a disaster waiting to happen because he was mild mannered. He was gentle, like kind of passive. And she was kind of, you know, loud and aggressive.
Em Schulz: Was he... Was he a sweet Baboo?
Audience: Drink!
Christine Schiefer: [laughter] He was a sweet and a smart Baboo.
Em Schulz: Oh, okay.
Christine Schiefer: So.
Em Schulz: I had to get it in there. Sorry guys. Yeah. It was the only thing that on the drinking game I don't think it's covering.
Christine Schiefer: It does, it does feel a little weird to call like a 6-year-old man a sweet Baboo. Mmm...
Em Schulz: I did it anyway. So.
Christine Schiefer: I said 60, if anyone misheard that. Okay. So, uh, dee-da-dadee-do-da-da let's see.
Audience: Drink!
Christine Schiefer: That is not in the game! [laughter] Don't you dare. Umm, okay. Oh, wow. I'm really lost here.
Em Schulz: We were at sweet Baboo.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, you really derailed me with that one.
Em Schulz: You were saying he was a, a nice gentle man.
Christine Schiefer: Okay, sure, sure, sure. So sure. Sure.
Audience: Drink!
Christine Schiefer: Damn it. This is probably the first time we've ever hit every single bullet on that your drinking game. [chuckles] Ah. Oh, right. So they were a terrible, like, just not good for each other. Umm, so she was, he was kind of a pushover. Like even when he said, I don't really want you staying at my place, you know, she would just do it anyway. Like they were just a bad, bad couple. He was not good at kind of putting up boundaries and she was kind of an aggressive person, so.
Em Schulz: Gotcha.
Christine Schiefer: Uh, his friends started to notice that he would often, uh, come to lunch or dinner with black eyes.
Em Schulz: Ohh.
Christine Schiefer: And, uh, he had to start putting makeup on when he went to work because he would come in bruised. Umm, and things get even more wild. Uh, after a few months of living together, Stefan had realized it hadn't been a good idea after all. Umm.
Em Schulz: Really?
Christine Schiefer: I heard a little bit of like, huh. Yeah, you're right. I didn't really catch that until I said it out loud. Uh, but like I said, he had a hard time kicking her out. Umm, and at the start of 2013, uh, it basically took management at the condo building to confront him about Ana's behavior 'cause neighbors were complaining, uh, for him to actually confront her and say, you need to leave, you know, this is not working out. They're gonna kick me outta my condo, basically. Umm, so that was the last straw. And instead of an engagement as Ana had said, uh, he actually kicked her out, changed his locks and revoked her guest privileges.
[applause]
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: So really not the story she was telling. And then he paid for her to go to Mexico just to get her away for a while, not the other way around. Umm, and they proved all this with, you know, receipts and things.
Em Schulz: Sure.
Christine Schiefer: Umm, so he had finally started to move on. He was happy, kind of getting back to his normal self. Uh, but when Ana came back from Mexico, she developed what, uh, what Snapped called, uh, "a slightly disturbing habit."
Em Schulz: Oh no.
Christine Schiefer: Of showing up at all the same bars and restaurants, uh, where he would be, uh, day in and day out, otherwise called stalking Snapped, but okay.
Em Schulz: Right, right.
Christine Schiefer: Umm, and rather than fight her on it, he kind of said, well, she needs help. Like she needs my support. She doesn't have a place to live.
Em Schulz: Poor guy.
Christine Schiefer: And so regular.
Em Schulz: He was so close.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. Regularly he let her stay with him and paid her. He was still paying her tabs this whole time.
Em Schulz: No.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. Not good. Not good.
Em Schulz: It's okay.
Christine Schiefer: Umm, she basically.
Em Schulz: It's not but poor guy.
Christine Schiefer: It's okay.
Em Schulz: He's like, if you were here. I'm like, it's okay.
Christine Schiefer: Sweet Baboo.
Em Schulz: Sweet baby.
Christine Schiefer: Basically, she continued to live off of him this whole time. Umm, he, she'd still sleep there at his place. Umm, whenever one of her other, you know, friends would kick her out, which seemed to happen often. Umm, less than 24 hours after Stefan's death, Houston police booked Ana on murder charges. It only took 24 hours for them to realize her story was complete bogus. Umm, obviously this was highly sensationalized, like I said, because of the whole shoe thing, you know?
Em Schulz: Right, right, right.
Christine Schiefer: You know the shoe thing, right?
Em Schulz: With that guy. Yeah. The ice pick in the heel, right.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, right. The giant weapon on your feet.
Em Schulz: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Nevermind. Okay. Uh, so the media went wild. She, at this point is going on all these talk shows, uh, to kind of put her story out 'cause she knows the trial's coming and she wants public opinion on her side. So she's going on all these talk shows and saying like, he was, you know, a terrible person and he hurt me and all this stuff. Umm, and that, uh, and that Stefan, oop wrong.
Em Schulz: Finally, one on Christine.
Christine Schiefer: Man.
Em Schulz: 20 on me, but one on Christine.
Christine Schiefer: I was so close. Uh, right. So she was telling her defense story on TV. Umm, but the prosecution didn't buy it. They presented evidence suggesting Ana hadn't been fighting in self-defense, after all, like I said. Umm, and that Stefan himself had never even fought back. Uh, they also called a witness to the stand, a cab driver who had driven both of them the night of the murder back to his condo.
Em Schulz: Whaat?
Christine Schiefer: Ooh. And she was also on Snapped.
Em Schulz: Oh wait, really?
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. She was interviewed in the show, yeah.
Em Schulz: Oh, wow. Okay.
Christine Schiefer: So she was a, uh, a witness in the trial. Her name was Rosemary Gomez. And she testified that the night of the murder, Ana was aggressive, belligerent, angry, and drunk. She even cussed out the driver, refused to pay, got verbally abusive with her, then screamed at Stefan on the sidewalk. And Rosemary actually had to ask him if she wanted him to drive him somewhere else or call the police. And he said, no, it's fine.
Em Schulz: But still, good girl for asking.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, I mean, she noticed something was wrong and he said, no, it's fine. You know, we'll be okay. Umm.
Em Schulz: Poor guy.
Christine Schiefer: So at, uh, her sentencing on April 10th, umm, Ana finally took the stand. Uh, she hadn't taken the stand at all, actually, 'cause her defense was very confident in her case. Mmm. Didn't go well. Sorry, spoiler alert. Umm, but when she did take the stand, it was not to apologize, it was to awkwardly reenact the fight.
Em Schulz: Oh, no.
Christine Schiefer: With her lawyer.
Em Schulz: Oh, no!
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. Umm, she demanded that the jury give her the minimum sentence, which was five years. And despite the fact that the jury hadn't believed her self-defense claims, she described and reenacted the struggle for over seven hours.
Audience: What?
Em Schulz: What?!
Christine Schiefer: Seven freaking hours.
Em Schulz: And they didn't ask for that, did they?
Christine Schiefer: No.
Em Schulz: She just kept going.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, Yeah, yeah, yeah, Yeah.
Em Schulz: Alright. Crazy. That's fine.
Christine Schiefer: It was really wild. So she talked, seven hours of kind of, and they said it was like just this, like she was talking herself in circles and like the lawyer would come up and she'd, you know, do the same motion over and over again. And.
Em Schulz: Snapped might say she had a disturbing little habit.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Just a little one.
Em Schulz: Right.
Christine Schiefer: A tiny little baby habit. Umm, okay. So surprisingly, shockingly, uh, this did nothing to impress the jury. And they said... [laughter] I would be pissed, like.
Em Schulz: I went too big, I wanna go home.
Christine Schiefer: Seven hours? Are you freaking kidding me? Uh, and they sentenced Ana Trujillo to life in prison on April 11th, 2014. She will be eligible for parole in 2043.
Em Schulz: Okay.
Christine Schiefer: Yes.
Em Schulz: Good.
Christine Schiefer: After she was, I get it. Listen, I get it. After she was sentenced, uh, Stefan's niece made a victim impact statement. She said she was sorry for what Ana's family had to go through, which was, you know, very touching.
Em Schulz: Right. Right.
Christine Schiefer: Umm, and after, uh, after both sides of the family had made impact statements, uh, they all got together and kind of hugged it out and said, it wasn't your fault. It wasn't your fault.
Em Schulz: Aww.
Christine Schiefer: And they're both kind of comforted by that to this day.
Em Schulz: That's so bittersweet.
Christine Schiefer: It is. Yeah. And they were all just very kind of conscientious of the other families feelings and yeah. Really rough.
Em Schulz: Very nice. Yeah. For, in a really horrible Way.
Christine Schiefer: Yes. Yeah. Yes. Umm, so I do have a little, uh, horoscope for Ana.
[applause]
Christine Schiefer: Umm, I have a little bit of advice for this Pisces.
Em Schulz: Well, It's...
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. And for you too. All the Pisces in the room.
Em Schulz: Well, good. It's not, it's not too late for her to change. So.
Christine Schiefer: Eva's a Pisces.
Em Schulz: I know.
Christine Schiefer: Eva, listen.
Audience: Drink!
Em Schulz: You're a Pisces. That's all. Yay!
Christine Schiefer: Oh. She's like, what do I do? What do you need.
Em Schulz: She's like, oh my God. Is the slide show still fucked up? No.
Christine Schiefer: Oh, boy. All right, Pisces. [clears throat]
Em Schulz: Listen up. Eva.
Christine Schiefer: The planetary arrangement makes it possible to really appreciate just how supportive and wonderful your current or prospective partner is.
Audience: Noo.
Christine Schiefer: Even if you don't always see eye to eye, you are usually able to make up and forgive each other. Perhaps it would be a good move for you to show your gratitude and do something extra special to make your sweetheart feel really wanted and needed today.
Audience: No!
Christine Schiefer: She did not listen to my advice, let's put it that way.
Em Schulz: Yikes.
Christine Schiefer: All right, Houston, that is the story of Ana Trujillo, Houston Stiletto Killer.
[applause]
Christine Schiefer: Woo! Woo!
Em Schulz: Umm, just thank you guys so much for having us and it's, it means a lot that.
Christine Schiefer: We love it here!
Em Schulz: You guys are awesome.
Christine Schiefer: Wait, we have one more thing!
Em Schulz: We got one more thing.
Christine Schiefer: Not yet. Not yet. Not yet.
Em Schulz: I mean, we can dance to Pony, but we're not going to.
Christine Schiefer: We can dance if you want.
Em Schulz: We're not going to. I got, I just wanna say a couple of things real quick before you guys get to listen to the greatest song on earth. Umm, uh, one, I, this is where I usually hog the microphone from Christine.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, yeah. Do it.
Em Schulz: Umm, if you wanna follow us on social media. No, I'm just kidding. Umm.
Christine Schiefer: Yikes.
Em Schulz: Uh, no, I just wanted to say thank you. And, uh, two days from now is our, the two year anniversary of me asking Christine to start a podcast.
[applause]
Christine Schiefer: Wait, they didn't hear that part. What is it? The two year anniversary?
Em Schulz: So the two year anniversary of me texting you and saying, do you wanna start a podcast?
Christine Schiefer: And me saying, No!! And then yes, later, but no at first.
Em Schulz: And, and then like seven hours later she said, yes. But it felt good to be rejected once and then after that, never again.
Christine Schiefer: I was wrong, to be fair.
Em Schulz: But two, it's amazing how much has happened in two years. And we were able, I mean, we had our dream jobs already, and then we were like, what's next? And we were like, oh yeah, let's just start another dream job.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Em Schulz: And it just happened. And I'm, I get to work and travel with my best friend.
Christine Schiefer: Ditto.
[applause]
Em Schulz: And, and it just means a lot, especially personally for me. I know a lot of people say very nice things to me about me being open about mental health. So for, two years ago, I would've never thought that I would be on a stage.
Christine Schiefer: Same. Woo.
Em Schulz: But, umm, thank you everyone and just the community in general. If it weren't for you guys showing up to things like this, we wouldn't be able to have this opportunity. And...
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Em Schulz: I wouldn't be able to overcome my world's largest fear and...
Audience: We love you.
[applause]
[laughter]
Em Schulz: I just wanna say, I love you Christine, thank you for the last two years.
Christine Schiefer: I love you Em and I love you Houston!
[applause]
Christine Schiefer: And that's why we drink.
Em Schulz: That's why we drink.
[music]
