Em Schulz: Okay.
Christine Schiefer: You're allowed to talk now.
Em Schulz: Mm.
Christine Schiefer: I get why actually, now I get why...
Em Schulz: Now 400 episodes in?
Christine Schiefer: Why you talk first because I'm doing the count downs and I'm talking, so then it's sort of like, now it feels like I'm handing the baton once the episode starts you know 'cause I'm doing 3 2 1, I'm doing hit the record, you know.
Em Schulz: You're doing this and that, and you're doing that and this.
Christine Schiefer: That and the other... And upside down and all over town.
Em Schulz: And the other and that and this too, I mean wow.
Christine Schiefer: All that and the kitchen sink.
Em Schulz: Oh. Did you ever like those cookies?
Christine Schiefer: Is that just where you just put everything in it 'cause yes.
Em Schulz: It's... Yeah, everything but the kitchen sink, uh I never liked them. I would like...
Christine Schiefer: You know how I am, I want every topping on everything, I eat, I only eat, I get froyo, but I don't get froyo, I just put toppings in the cup. Like I'm not into... I just want the toppings.
Em Schulz: I uh I've never enjoyed a a kitchen sink anything, but that's because I'm like, but then you can't... The flavor profile is so overwhelming. You know.
Christine Schiefer: Exactly. Exactly.
Em Schulz: You know what's funny is that you have the nerve to have the fancier taste palette, and yet here I am saying the the flavor profile is overwhelmed with so many...
Christine Schiefer: Yeah I feel like you feel better about your infantile taste though.
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm. Yeah, I feel like I enjoy simplicity. I, I know what I like, and the the little things can be appreciated, but you need to throw a fucking sardine on everything just to feel something you know.
Christine Schiefer: That's uh... You, you hit the nail on the head when you said it's overwhelming, I was like... Exactly. Drown me out. Drawing out my thoughts.
Em Schulz: Disgusting.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. Pickled herring, just wash away any of my fears.
Em Schulz: I beg of you to stop talking. Um.
Christine Schiefer: I'm sorry, we're a one minute and 40 seconds in so I can't for legal and financial reasons.
Em Schulz: Um, uh. What, what should we talk about today, Christine? We... What have we done lately, what are... What's our updates for the the others listening within.
Christine Schiefer: You know how sometimes, umm what if that's what we called our podcast listeners, the others... What do you think the others would want? It sounds so dismissive.
Em Schulz: Well the others would want us to shut the fuck up and get to the story.
Christine Schiefer: Okay all right.
Em Schulz: But they're not gonna get it.
Christine Schiefer: All right well they don't get what they want 'cause they're the others. So um...
Em Schulz: And I'm back to my my trashy river hair today, because...
Christine Schiefer: First of all, I like how you... It's funny how you have the audacity to call me all sorts of names and trashy classy, and then you use your headphones as its own bandana. Oh my God.
Em Schulz: I'll have you know the first time I said trashy classy, it was a compliment.
Christine Schiefer: It was a compliment. No I took it as a compliment. So...
Em Schulz: Look at this little... I don't know if they're baby hair, I don't know what they're...
Christine Schiefer: They're little ringlets.
Em Schulz: They're learning to curl and they're not doing it right yet, so then they just do this shit.
Christine Schiefer: It looks like they're learning to fly away.
Em Schulz: I wish I could fly away.
Christine Schiefer: Me too. I want to fly away.
Em Schulz: Um. Okay. Whatever here we are.
Christine Schiefer: One time...
Em Schulz: I'm going to do this no one will ever see the top of my head again.
Christine Schiefer: Never. One time in Sleepy Hollow, Eva quizzed my brother and me on the now... Well to be fair we for... Sort of forced her too, but then the Now That's What I Call Music, 'cause we had the original CD and Alex and I were trying to um debate like oh what songs were on there, and Eva pulled up the track list and had us guess... We got quite a few...
Em Schulz: Yeah, that feels like the exact game the Sch-Schiefers would have fun with.
Christine Schiefer: We... Poor Eva we cornered her, we're like we took her to a cheese bar and then cornered her and said all right now...
Em Schulz: Especially when there's 100 Now albums and I sure you just...
Christine Schiefer: No the first one the original... 'cause we listened to that was... You know how there was a CD that you listen to over and over in the car, and it was so funny 'cause we figured out the ones that we couldn't remember where all the ones we always skipped.
Em Schulz: Yeah, right.
Christine Schiefer: And so uh like some of them we were like, that was on there, but we always skipped it. Um.
Em Schulz: My mine, I never cared for the original Now, but I had Now Four and Now Five, and those are my two that they'll always have a choke hold.
Christine Schiefer: I've a only ever owned Now One.
Em Schulz: Okay, you're bragging.
Christine Schiefer: I'm not bragging. Trust me it's Lenny Kravitz. Uh. He's great. Listen, don't get me wrong, I don't know, but it's nothing the write home about. Um.
Em Schulz: I think they still make Nows, and it's like Now 236.
Christine Schiefer: Think they do, Now Christmas 11000. Yeah.
Em Schulz: They should do a thing where only the most recent Now is called Now and all the others got changed to Then.
Christine Schiefer: Back Then. Yeah. Yeah, that will make me feel extra old, um But anyway I also, I also wanna fly away because here's my thing, you know how sometimes we struggle to come up with like... Not, not that we struggle to complain, but we are like, oh, what's the reason I drink well, today, I was debating between three different reasons, so I'm not gonna list them, I mean, I'll list them all, but quickly.
Em Schulz: You can.
Christine Schiefer: 'cause I don't, I don't wanna get into it too much. Um. So I do drink for several reasons, I am drinking an ice coffee in my bisexual cup. Okay.
Em Schulz: Good for you.
Christine Schiefer: Thank you. And what are you drinking today, Em?
Em Schulz: Um. Well, I'm drinking plain, straight water out of a straight can. Um.
Christine Schiefer: 'cause you're so straight and I'm so bisexual.
Em Schulz: It's the straightest I've ever been.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, love that.
Em Schulz: I mean I would make a joke about you being bisexual, but apparently that's fucking bi phobic. According to two people who keep DMing me.
Christine Schiefer: The others.
Em Schulz: The others if you will yeah, so. Anyway, you dirty bisexual, tell me why else you complain this week.
Christine Schiefer: I actually am dirty I haven't showered in like three days. Um, so the okay so the first reason is 'cause we're uh in the midst of potty learning, and I've learned how unbelievably talented my daughter is at bargaining, um at sort of like subtle manipulation tactics, and you know it's a thing where it's like, oh well, she's really smart, but also like, dammit, she gets me around every corner and just knows how to exactly... I don't know, it's unbelievable. I've, I've written some of these quotes down for later usage in like a baby book or something saying like this.
Em Schulz: At her graduation party, just framed them then...
Christine Schiefer: Right, but I'm like, I'm not gonna believe that she said that like in 10 years, I'm gonna be like, I don't think a two-year-old, said that. And now I'm like, Well yes she sure did. Uh. I don't even know if the top my head, like she was doing the full-on bargaining where I said, okay, well, before bed, let's sit on the potty for 10 seconds and if you, you know if, if you don't have to go, that's fine. Um. And she's like, two seconds. And I was like, whoa.
Em Schulz: She is a tough haggler. She started it at two.
Christine Schiefer: At two. And guess where we ended up? Five.
Em Schulz: One.
Christine Schiefer: One would be nice, yeah, that was... She tried one and I said, that's not how this works. But just little things where I'm like, man, are we really haggling? I uh...
Christine Schiefer: Anyway, so we're doing potty learning as Em and Eva and I were talking before the show, I got a pee accident update from Blaise. We've had some... We're in... Let's just say we're in we're in the midst, we're in the thick of it, um and it's it's all right, it'll be fine, but um... We're trying not to let it get to us.
Em Schulz: Is it um... I mean is it, is it mainly pee accidents, 'cause it feels like an easier, quick change then if you're...
Christine Schiefer: It's both... Oh. She had one of the other ones. Because that's what she is most afraid of. I don't think she's even afraid, it's I... 'cause I read a bunch of... There were like six different types of reactions that that were categorized on one of these websites, I was like, does your kid fit into any of these, and it was the last one, which is a free spirit who just decides that there's too much overwhelming pressure and says, no, thanks and has not... You cannot change her mind with logic or reasoning or or trickery or bribes like it's she's...
Em Schulz: Sounds like the worst one.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, and it said that one we don't have tips for and I went cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. So it's kind of like we've just had to let her take the wheel, right, 'cause it's like, well, she's already driving away, we might as well go with her, I guess. So she's driving away and you know what I think she'll figure it out right, I'm not... I'm just like, she'll figure it out, it's fine...
Em Schulz: Well, I feel like she'll probably have e-eventually learned with like, oh well, if you don't do this, you don't get to go to school or you don't get to go here, 'cause isn't that one of the rules, you have to be potty trained and all?
Christine Schiefer: Yes, yes and so...
Em Schulz: She'll, she'll figure it out once, once she learns what a consequence is.
Christine Schiefer: And it's hard because you don't wanna be like, you don't get to go to school if you don't say... You know 'cause then it's like, well, what does that have to do with anything? But I think, yeah, I think over time, it'll become more normalized. Um so that's number one, and that was gonna be my reason...
Em Schulz: That's a good reason.
Christine Schiefer: Thank you. But then number two is that it's OCD Awareness Week, will it actually was last week, I think. But... Or maybe it's this week anyway, Happy of OCD awareness week. I did this really unhinged, like ask me anything on Instagram, and a lot of people asked a question... I mean there were like 200 questions about OCD and I'm so excited 'cause people were like asking really interesting questions and I sat there and answered a bunch of them, um and it was like really cathartic and cool, and people wrote in and said, like I've never heard somebody else do this exact compulsion, or have this obsessive loop or you know... And I was like, wow, me neither. So I met people who had like the same exact compulsions I do and stuff like that, and Lisa um wrote to me, texted me separately and said, I have a friend with OCD, and I watched all your videos and recorded them so that I knew like I could watch them to help my friend, or like be more understanding, and I was like, that's nice...
Christine Schiefer: Anyway, it was really cool. So also I learned there's so fing many of our listeners who are uh going through it or trying to figure out what they have or trying to figure out.
Em Schulz: We certainly have a a type when it comes to...
Christine Schiefer: We're now, we're now the others.
[overlapping conversation]
Christine Schiefer: Yeah the others we're all very... We have letters all galore, a galore...
Em Schulz: We're all part of some sort of al-alphabet mafia, so...
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Em Schulz: Um. What was the, what was the one question that you got that like you've never been asked before that you were like finally, someone asked?
Christine Schiefer: I was appreciative of the couple of people who asked, what are, what are your compuls... Like just outright ask because I feel like rightfully so, people are hesitant to ask like a kind of like direct personal question like that, but and some people weren't necessarily... They just kinda said it out in the open, but a lot of people said, hey, only if you're comfortable to share, like what are some of your... And the other one that really helped me was, or help me, and hopefully helped other people, but was um what are some things you remember being red flags in childhood that your parents may not have picked up on?
Christine Schiefer: Um. A lot of parents wrote in and said like you know, I, I my doctor or my child's doctor thinks this might be...
Em Schulz: They're clocking it now, I...
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. Exactly, and so it was kind of interesting 'cause then I got to go back and be like, hey, I never considered that part of my OCD, but it totally tracks, and um the the question about kids was interesting because um...
Em Schulz: Do you see, do you see anything in hindsight that you had that nobody clocked?
Christine Schiefer: Oh yeah, everything, everything under the sun. I was like, man, I would literally force myself to stay awake every night and pray in a specific way, and if I didn't, I was just completely petrified that every person on the list would die, or actually the people who had passed already, I was convinced would go to hell, if I didn't like do the prayer.
Em Schulz: And they weren't even safe after death. Damn.
Christine Schiefer: No. They weren't, so then I would do it, but if I messed up, I'd have to start all the way over from the beginning, and like this would take hours sometimes, and I'm like, no wonder I've insomnia now. But anyway, there was this fear, and then one time I fell asleep before I could finish it and I woke up the next day and for like days...
Em Schulz: Everyone was dead.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, exactly. And the whole world had ended, but anyway that probably is where it kind of...
Em Schulz: And just flames just you and flames.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, that's probably kind of where it broke finally but anyway so...
Em Schulz: Yeah the realization that everyone would be fine.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. There was uh, there were million uh childhood signs, but we'll get... Maybe we'll do uh an after hours... A yappy hour we could do on that um. I don't know, but we don't have to. Uh. But then the other third thing, so that I'm not just keeping you forever, is that this morning, I finally saw a dermatologist and I finally...
Em Schulz: About what?
Christine Schiefer: Well remember how my skin is always falling off and I have hives and my ears are bleeding.
Em Schulz: I didn't know if it was about a specific body part or just all of you.
Christine Schiefer: Um. I'm just all my skin really uh... So I found out I got a diagnosis I have drum roll, please, psoriasis. And that's not great because they were hoping would be eczema because that is not an auto-immune illness, it's just like a skin, but psoriasis is related to... It's probably tied to the crohns, apparently, if you have one autoimmune disease, you're much more likely to get another one, so that's really lucky for me, um but...
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, and so it explains a lot and I have to see a rheumatologist 'cause of my swollen joints and all this shit, but I am very happy that at least somebody looked at it and said, oh yeah, that's definitely psoriasis and you'll...
Em Schulz: I love when they have the confidence.
Christine Schiefer: I was so happy. I was like, thank you, 'cause I thought so, but I'm not a fucking doctor and you know you never know.
Em Schulz: Well when I got my, my my heart stuff the, to have them confidently be like, oh, I know why why you have to be upside down.
Christine Schiefer: Oh such a relief.
Em Schulz: I was like thank fucking God. 'cause...
Christine Schiefer: And they're like, are you happy you're very ill? And it's like, no, but I'm happy you know and you acknowledge it.
Em Schulz: Yeah. But then, but then later I ended up having my like my weird fainting spells that nobody had any confidence on is I'm still constantly always like, well, what the fuck is going on? Is it gonna come back? And so...
Christine Schiefer: I mean, yeah, it's like one of the life long things...
Em Schulz: Nothing like a confident doctor.
Christine Schiefer: No, and my mom and brother have gone so many times for different things that they've been trying to figure out, and we've talked on the other podcast, but it's just like you see different specialists and then like second opinions that you never know, but... So I feel like after seeing three or four and getting a shot in my butt along the way, on my birthday, a birthday shot in the butt.
Em Schulz: Happy birthday.
Christine Schiefer: The worst kind of shot to have on your birthday, by the way. In my opinion, my humble opinion. I think Fireball and Jello shot probably top of the list. Anyway, uh point being, I have psoriasis now. Yeah, so all my psoriasis buddies you know hollar at me, I guess.
Em Schulz: Psoriasis sisses.
Christine Schiefer: Psoriasisters.
[overlapping conversation]
Christine Shiefer: Wait I just call them, I just called them, I just called them whoriasis sis-sisters, where did I come up with...
Em Schulz: All your hoes and all your psoriasisters.
Christine Schiefer: All my psoriasis hoes. Uh. My psoriasisters step up.
Em Schulz: Um. Speaking of doctors, this is your reminder to all of you who've been avoiding it all day, take your little meds, I'm taking mine right now.
Christine Schiefer: Thank God, I did that.
Em Schulz: Some people apparently really appreciated that we were hard on them uh about not drinking their water.
Christine Schiefer: We're nothing is not extremely strict.
Em Schulz: We have maybe one rule, and it's once a week, and it's that you have to drink water...
Christine Schiefer: And it changes every five minutes. But right now it's that you have to drink some water. Unless you're me 'cause I don't feel like drinking water, I feel like drinking coffee.
Em Schulz: I found out from my um my aunt when I overstayed my welcome...
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, I was gonna say oh yeah, that one, yeah.
Em Schulz: Uh I was asking about like you know family stuff as I do, and I found out that of my... You've got eight great-grandparents, two of them um passed away from renal failure, from not drinking enough fucking water, so everybody drink your God damn water.
Christine Schiefer: Oh my God.
Em Schulz: I'm a hydrated girly, so I'm not too worried about it.
Christine Schiefer: Well I am a psoriasis sister so I'm just itching over here but...
Em Schulz: I will um I will die from something else, from one of the other six grand... Great grandparents probably but...
Christine Schiefer: I was gonna say, yeah, they'll pass something down.
Em Schulz: Renal failure ain't the problem.
Christine Schiefer: Not today renal failure.
Em Schulz: Not today, not today.
Christine Schiefer: Not today kidneys.
Em Schulz: Um. Anyway, I didn't know that. I, I, I had no idea that that was even like in my family history.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. That's scary.
Em Schulz: And then my grandma... Oh my God, so terrifying. My grandma yesterday was her 89th birthday.
Christine Schiefer: I saw that. Happy birthday.
Em Schulz: She is, she is my last living grandparent.
Christine Schiefer: She's looking great.
Em Schulz: Um. She's... Yeah she's looking swell, she's got a lot of life left in her. But she's... I was like, oh well, she's always wanted a big 90th birthday party like celebration, like if I make it to 90, everyone's gotta come into town blah, blah, blah.
Christine Schiefer: So you've been hoping she would die before then.
Em Schulz: No.
Christine Schiefer: Oh no, that's all just in my family. Okay.
Em Schulz: This, this is me saying though, please put on the calendar there from right now that I'll be busy.
Christine Schiefer: Hey I... What if I, what if I her take off, take her off my prayer list every night.
Em Schulz: No.
Christine Schiefer: That's proves my OCD is like correct. And I'm like, now, I just spiral.
Em Schulz: Oh grandma's now, like like enemy number one.
Christine Schiefer: Ooh my god, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. And also, I promise guys. I do not pray every night or ever, so don't worry, you're all okay.
Em Schulz: I probably pray more than Christine does. Uh.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. I mean literally, I think yeah.
Em Schulz: Especially since I was back in Virginia, they really... They changed me over there...
Christine Schiefer: Oh, not again. We got a deprogram you again.
Em Schulz: Yeah, rewind, rewind no but it was her 89th. And so she's very... She was excited up until yesterday about her 90th, and then I was like, oh, you know what happens a year from today, you're big, you're big bash, you've been talking about for a long time, and then she all of a sudden was acting kind of weird and she was like...
Christine Schiefer: "Gasp."
Em Schulz: Yeah, but have you ever noticed that nobody, nobody in our bloodline has ever made it to 90.
Christine Schiefer: Oh, oh, that was a crass joke. I made in poor taste I apologize I did not know that we're we were actually going that way.
Em Schulz: So it might not be your prayers or non-prayers, it just be our a family curse, um but she was like...
Christine Schiefer: Like nobody has lived pa... Till 90. Interesting, I'm trying to think...
Em Schulz: We're an unhealthy bunch. Um but she... So she was like, no one's made... And so she was like, if I make it, I'll be the first of...
Christine Schiefer: It's guess that's pretty, pretty up there. I mean, if you think about it, my grandparents aren't quite there yet, or two died and one is almost 90.
Em Schulz: Uh. She's... I... She's gonna make it. I, I don't doubt that, but I also you know knock on everything just in case.
Christine Schiefer: Of course.
Em Schulz: Um but so anyway, I was, I was thinking like, oh well, she seems to healthy, I mean I honestly wouldn't be able to tell you what, what would be... What takes her. She's very... She's healthy and spritely. She doesn't look like she's 90 I'll tell you that.
Christine Schiefer: Did she tell... Does she drink water?
Em Schulz: She drinks water. She secretly drinks alcohol. She tells you she doesn't she does. Um.
Christine Schiefer: Just gin disguised as water.
Em Schulz: She tells you that she doesn't eat uh ice cream, but then she'll go through a gallon of Moose Tracks um...
Christine Schiefer: That's the, that's the spirit.
Em Schulz: I mean anyone who I know who's made that long, they're like drinking gasoline, you know they're just like... I feel like they always got something...
Christine Schiefer: We're just talking about this, it's like you just end up I think formaldehyding your whole body, you just pickle yourself and you live forever. It's great.
Em Schulz: Yeah, I feel like the only people who have made it that far or not the people who are doing all the healthy stuff.
Christine Schiefer: No. Exactly, it's like, you don't expect it. Yeah. Yeah.
Em Schulz: My grandpa who made it to 90, or he almost made it to an... He almost made to 100.
Christine Schiefer: So is this on a different side of the family?
Em Schulz: Yeah, it's not the blood related don't worry. Um.
Christine Schiefer: Oh okay well I was just thinking like.
Em Schulz: It was her husband, it was her second husband. So my mom's step dad.
Christine Schiefer: So, so she's saying nobody in your family like linage.
Em Schulz: In my blood line, in my...
Christine Schiefer: Okay, I see, I see.
Em Schulz: But her husband, who was my, I guess my step-grandfather, but he's been around us before I was born. Um. He... They were like, what's, what's the key? How have you made it this long? And he was the only thing I do as a daily routine, as I always take a nap, I always have gin and I always have a banana, and those are the three things.
Christine Schiefer: I literally ate a banana today and maybe I'll some gin later.
Em Schulz: So everyone drink your water, eat a banana, take a nap happens and have some gin.
Christine Schiefer: Yes, this Em that's the best life advice anyone's ever given me.
Em Schulz: And he did not make it to 100, but he did make a way past 90. So...
Christine Schiefer: I'll take it.
Em Schulz: Yeah, anyway, uh maybe that's what I got to tell my grandma to do for the next year just to keep her, keep her going. Just make sure you have a banana.
Christine Schiefer: I mean she probably already does, she probably like picked up on his habits and mannerisms, you know.
Em Schulz: I've got the nap thing covered for sure. Everyone else can handle everything else.
Christine Schiefer: I was gonna say the only struggle here is for me is the nap, um but the banana and the gin, I have got you covered. But Em if you nap I think the two of us make quite a rocking team, so we might live to like 200.
Em Schulz: Ah and then... And the podcast will still never end.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, we'll like just be... Just talk about Crip keeper.
Em Schulz: Well, speaking of uh our future, I have something to tell you about our the story today.
Christine Schiefer: Okay. We're in spooky season folks, and although the ghosties and all that are scary, we always do say true crime is scarier.
Em Schulz: Yeah. If you're like us, the safety of your home and loved ones isn't just a priority, it's uh everything. It's everything to me the problem is old school home security systems only take action once someone is already inside your home. And Simply Safe home security is changing that with its new Active Guard, it's the only home security designed to prevent crimes before they happen. We just got Simply Safe with our new house.
Christine Schiefer: With Active Guard Simply Safe's 24/7 monitoring agents keep a close watch over your property and actually stop crimes before they happen.
Em Schulz: Simply Safe combines a live monitoring and proactive protection, both outside and inside your home. Just imagine if you also had a very nosy Jewish woman as your mother, and every every single thing you could do to keep yourself safe, you can get done with Simply Safe.
Christine Schiefer: Protect your home with 50% off a new Simply Safe system plus a free indoor security camera just visit simplysafe.com/drink. There's no safe like Simply Safe.
Em Schulz: As you know, a few episodes back for the 400th, I was trying to do the pasta predictor who was...
Christine Schiefer: The... Yes of course. Remember when I thought it was wet... Like cooked pasta and you...
Em Schulz: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: And I was like, Well, you just throw a blob of it anyway.
Em Schulz: Uh. So that was originally my plan, and I remember I told you I reached out to even Heather from Sinisterhood and I was like, who the hell is this person I can't find anywhere? And... Well, apparently, I was not far off. I just had some information wrong, and everyone has been flooding my DMs lately to tell me you were thinking of the Asparamancer.
Christine Schiefer: Shut the F up. So was this on Sinisterhood?
Em Schulz: I don't... Actually don't know I uh...
Christine Schiefer: Or did you actually have a dream about it, I like do you know or or just just...
Em Schulz: I think I mis mis-remembered Asparamancer and thought it was pasta.
Christine Schiefer: And just thought, you dreamed it.
Em Schulz: Yeah, something there was... There's a world where we have the answers but it's not this one.
Christine Schiefer: There's a world where you say Asparamancer and forget. I can't believe that that is the most shocking part of me... Part to me.
Em Schulz: So anyway, today is the Asparamancer after...
Christine Schiefer: I'm about to pee my pants this is so exciting.
Em Schulz: I will tell you...
Christine Schiefer: And it's not gonna smell nice 'cause I ate asparagus.
Em Schulz: I literally almost looked up, you know what, just for fun, I'm gonna do... I'm gonna take that as my sign. I was going to look up as my fun fact... Why asparagus pee smells bad?
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, it's uh actually, you know what, it's actually the... I actually know it's a, it's, it's a genetic thing that you're able to smell it or not, so I'm pretty sure it always does smell. Just some people can smell it and some can't.
Em Schulz: Yes but why but... Why asparagus specifically is what I'm looking up.
Christine Schiefer: Oh. There's probably an enzyme.
Em Schulz: Asparagus makes urine smell because it contains a asparagusic acid. Ew. A compound that breaks out into sulfur containing by products when digested and it's one of the only things that does that...
Christine Schiefer: I was really hoping you would say an enzyme.
Em Schulz: Do you have any other foods that make your pee smell Christine? Let's start there.
Christine Schiefer: Hmm. I don't think so. Are there?
Em Schulz: I don't know.
Christine Schiefer: I think asparagus is the main one.
Em Schulz: I think asparagus is the main character for sure in that.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Em Schulz: I don't know, I always wonder if anyone's got a fun fact about that.
Christine Schiefer: I wish I did, but I don't. Do you?
Em Schulz: Because you would think there's gotta be another food out there.
Christine Schiefer: Asparagus feels very like hyper-specific. Yeah.
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm. Yeah. Um.
Christine Schiefer: Can you smell your asparagus pee?
Em Schulz: Of course.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. Well, no, some people can't that's what I'm saying.
Em Schulz: I feel like it's like the cilantro gene or not.
Christine Schiefer: No, it is. It's like very similar I think it's the same kind of idea where it's like, it's not really important, but...
Em Schulz: Interestingly, I have the gene where both suck I can smell asparagus pee, and I think cilantro...
Christine Schiefer: Yeah that blows actually... Yeah, yeah, that blows.
Em Schulz: Yeah, yeah. I can't think of another food that does that.
Christine Schiefer: I think it's asparagus is the winner.
Em Schulz: All right, well, uh anyway, now we know with asparagusic acid, we could absolutely rename that if we'd like, um but apparently the world has decided not to. So here we were talking about The Asparamancer. Her name is Jemima Packington.
Christine Schiefer: Come on, get out of here.
Em Schulz: And there is surprisingly/not surprisingly, very little information about her, so this will be a short episode.
Christine Schiefer: Somehow shocking somehow not, you're right.
Em Schulz: Uh. Okay. So Jemima packing on. She is the world's first and only asparamancer.
Christine Schiefer: You don't say.
Em Schulz: She is from bath in the UK, and it is near by, I always fuck this one up, Worcestershire.
Christine Schiefer: Worcestershire.
Em Schulz: And apparent...
Christine Schiefer: You know Worcester in in Boston sounds Woster, so it's like Woster and then you add sure.
Em Schulz: I that... So that's how I have to remember it now, but I never knew how because of Worcestershire sauce, and my family like the steak sauce. My family was a big fan of that sauce growing up, but none of them would have ever ever learned how to pronounce it right, and so we made a bit of it as a family that was always called a worst sure, sure, sure, sure...
Christine Schiefer: Yeah I think actually most family had that, 'cause we have that same joke. Worcestersuresure sauce. Worcestershire sauce.
Em Schulz: Worcestersureshireshire sauce.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. We did the same thing.
Em Schulz: So that's how I think of it in my head, which is so not right, but.
Christine Schiefer: Just say that and then we'll have Jack cut out the last sure sure sure symbols or sy-syllables. Yeah.
Em Schulz: Perfect.
Christine Schiefer: Something in there will be right.
Em Schulz: Um. Also, she's from Bath, which I guess is like a few hours from Worcestershire, and that apparently Worcestershire is known for their fresh grown asparagus.
Christine Schiefer: Yum.
Em Schulz: Um. Did not know that, but the very first website that comes up, if you look up the asparamancer is like the British Asparagus Society's website.
Christine Schiefer: Wow I'm delighted about this fun fact, I'm gonna look into that later.
Em Schulz: Uh. So...
Christine Schiefer: Oh by the way folks speaking of our uh our classy taste or whatever, Em made fun of me earlier, Em and I, one of the only foods we both agree on... We both love asparagus.
Em Schulz: That's true, but do you like putting stuff on your asparagus?
Christine Schiefer: No, just like it just steamed or grilled, but but some salt...
Em Schulz: I can't stand grilled.
Christine Schiefer: I don't mind it, I don't actually like it grilled as much, but some... A little salt and some butter.
Em Schulz: I, I can taste the scorch marks.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, I know you can... Yeah. I agree, I prefer it just uh steamed with some salt.
Em Schulz: Butter.
Christine Schiefer: And butter.
Em Schulz: Maybe some, maybe if I'm getting absolutely fucking bananas with it, maybe a balsamic drizzle maybe.
Christine Schiefer: Oh my, oh my God, I mean say I mean... Slow down cowboy.
Em Schulz: But other than that... Other than that I, I like my butter, maybe a little garlic, see where we take it from there.
Christine Schiefer: You and I think this is the only like food and preparation of food actually and salmon, I think one of the only meals we both like is is salmon a baked salmon fillet.
Em Schulz: If I ever had to woo you do you know that's exactly the meal I would make you.
Christine Schiefer: And the asparagus. Yeah.
Em Schulz: All right...
[overlapping conversation]
Em Schulz: Ready for this date.
Christine Schiefer: I made you that once before, but I forget under what circumstances.
Em Schulz: You made me salmon...
Christine Schiefer: I did, I made you Salmon and asparagus once, but this was like... This would have been probably in Los Feliz.
Em Schulz: Oh, wow. I remember when I first started hanging out Blaise would cook a lot, and I would eat... I don't remember being invited to eat, I just remember taking food off the counter.
Christine Schiefer: No it's perfect.
Em Schulz: Okay, great. Well, Blaise was an excellent cook, it was when he got his salt block or something, and he was very in salt.
Christine Schiefer: Oh my God that damn salt block, and then we moved with the salt block, I mean now that I moved three more times, I'm like, how fast I would immediately not move the salt block to the new place. It's just out of control. Anyway, sorry, go ahead.
Em Schulz: So okay she's from a asparagus town, basically. And the way that she does her asparamancing is she will... One source said break the tops off of asparagus, asparai.
Christine Schiefer: I don't know.
Em Schulz: And she would either break the tops off according to one source and she would either... So it was either the top or it was all the spears... I think it was the whole spear, but one sight said she was breaking off the tops, so maybe that's for specific predictions, I don't know.
Christine Schiefer: Maybe it means like the top of the plant, like she breaks off the top.
Em Schulz: Oh like she's going into the field and picking it up. I don't know. Some sources said the word spears, so I'm assuming the full stock is there. You know.
Christine Schiefer: Okay. Yeah.
Em Schulz: Um. Okay, so she will take the asparagus, she will toss it in the air and based on the shape they make what they land...
Christine Schiefer: Toss in the air. Okay.
Em Schulz: Which like wee... Like how high are you tossing it?
Christine Schiefer: That feels like something Leona would do, and I'd be like great. Another must to clean up.
Em Schulz: Uh. She is the next asparamancer.
Christine Schiefer: She probably will take the mantle. Yeah.
Em Schulz: I would love to ask the asparamancer who the next asparamancer would be.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, like do they have somebody in mind, you know is there...
Em Schulz: Just a figure made of asparagus that laid on the ground?
Christine Schiefer: It's um... It's just asparagus with googly eyes. She's like, this is Wilson. He's gonna take over as the next...
Em Schulz: It's actually fucking Junior the asparagus from Veggie Tales.
Christine Schiefer: Honestly, he's the OG asparamancer, I don't know why who told her she could take that name.
Em Schulz: Uh. Apparently, it, it's all about the way that it falls and and the shape it falls, I always thought it was going to be more vague or subtle than that, I thought like, oh, if three of them are. I thought it would be more of a complicated math...
Christine Schiefer: Like a symbolic thing?
Em Schulz: Yeah, I thought to be a formula that she would only know, but apparently it's just a shape, so in theory, anyone could do this, so I don't know.
Christine Schiefer: So is it sort of like tea leaves where it's like, oh, you kind of figure out what it's forming...
Em Schulz: That's the vibe I'm getting.
Christine Schiefer: Okay, okay, cool.
Em Schulz: Um. So she she mentioned, of course, she was asked about this, how could you do this and not be asked...
Christine Schiefer: Of course you would. Yeah, her mom probably asked, what are you doing? Go to school.
Em Schulz: She says the asparagus stocks make patterns which I'm able to interpret when the vegetables are cast cast... Thrown around, okay. Um.
Christine Schiefer: It's like fucking Fantasia yeah when they're cast around.
Em Schulz: The overall picture presents both symbols and letters of the alphabet, which I use to make predictions, seeing the...
Christine Schiefer: Whoa that's cool it spells.
Em Schulz: Apparently it spells. I mean I wonder if it's like, if enough of them make an M, then you assume M. But like what if you're missing one and now it's an N? What if you're missing one up part of the W and now it looks like a V, which is why W should be called double vs actually.
Christine Schiefer: I agree about that certainly.
Em Schulz: Depending if you're a pointy writer or a curly writer.
Christine Schiefer: And we should all be pointy writer... Well no I guess.
Em Schulz: I'm a pointy writer.
Christine Schiefer: I, I'm actually a... I think I'm a... I think I swing both ways.
Em Schulz: You and you're fucking bisexual, you're so greedy, so greedy.
Christine Schiefer: Just shoving in your face my lifestyle.
Em Schulz: Yeah, can you stop it? Just kept down my throat, I'm so exhausted from you people. Okay.
Christine Schiefer: I know.
Em Schulz: Okay, so.
Christine Schiefer: That's, that's the the whole agenda. So...
Em Schulz: I know. Uh. Okay. So symbols and letters of the alphabet. Seeing the patterns for me is instantaneous. I love that it's for you when you created this. That's nice. Um. Seeing the patterns for me is instantaneous, possibly because I've had years of practice. Also possibly Jemima because you've created this.
Christine Schiefer: 'cause it's your language you're speaking. Yeah.
Em Schulz: Um. Jemima has been uh doing this since she was a child.
Christine Schiefer: I knew it.
Em Schulz: Which I'm not trying to sound like such a Debbie Downer, this is so, this is such an absurd story to me that I feel like the comments have to be made a little bit.
Christine Schiefer: I know, and I, I don't wanna want anyone to think I'm just you know mocking her, I'm really not. I just, it's, it's... It just is a rife breeding ground for commentary and and laughs.
Em Schulz: It's comedy gold. She has to know it's comedy gold.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah and like it's funny we can joke about it right.
Em Schulz: Like let's be real asparamancy there are...
Christine Schiefer: Asparamancy.
Em Schulz: There are so many, so many types of divination, so many types. I don't know how many are accurate or true, but if you look at the different types of ways that divination exists, asparagus is not the craziest one.
Christine Schiefer: No, you're right there could probably... You could probably do do this with like anything, and asparagus just happens to be what works for her. Yeah.
Em Schulz: She just happens, she just happens to be the one that made the news, but there's someone out there, there's literally one called rumpology, which is literally divination by looking at someone's, butt. Like I'm not.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah that's just some fucking bro who is like you just... So let me look at your ass real quick.
Em Schulz: I can see the future.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah I can see all the way to the future.
Em Schulz: Yeah it's looking wide and thick.
Christine Schiefer: It's looking real hot for us together.
Em Schulz: But like, but like like I again, that's why I'm saying like, I don't know which ones are true or accurate, probably only a tiny little selection of them.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah who knows.
Em Schulz: But she just happens to be the one that people heard about, and has she's made... Uh people have made a fuss over her. So...
Christine Schiefer: Okay.
Em Schulz: Um. But yeah, so she's been doing this since she was a kid, I do wonder why her parents didn't just stop her. But...
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. Yeah, I mean I'd fucking like to see. Meet Leona, by the way, and uh meet Leona who doesn't care about pee accidents, and then you tell me how did uh her mom not make her stop.
Em Schulz: She'd care if it was asparagus pee.
Christine Schiefer: Oh. You know what, maybe we just start feeding her asparagus and then she's like, get that away.
Em Schulz: What a, what a full circle that you would start with pee and I would end with asparagus today. You know.
Christine Schiefer: Em, that's really beautiful.
Em Schulz: We are so special.
Christine Schiefer: We're so in sync, you know.
Em Schulz: Um which by the way was on the Now...
Christine Schiefer: On the Now original also. Or wait no that was Backstreet Boys and Spice Girls. Maybe not NSYNC.
Em Schulz: People must hate us listening to this.
Christine Schiefer: I mean, I do.
Em Schulz: Not a single sentence gets through. Okay. Um. Yeah, since she was a kid. And her parents, I guess, were supportive because one of their siblings did tea leaves since they were like, oh maybe she's just taking after her aunt.
Christine Schiefer: It's kind of the same idea. Yeah...
Em Schulz: Which if I did tea leaves, I would totally influence Leona immediately, and then at three years old she'd be like, look what I can do with tea leaves or asparagus, or whatever, I can grab my hands on.
Christine Schiefer: 100%. Yeah.
Em Schulz: So I can, I can see how this happened.
Christine Schiefer: Like mulch at the playground. Yeah, and especially if you live somewhere where there's abundant asparagus sure why not throw it in the air.
Em Schulz: It's not even food waste at that point, you just... Uh. So Jemima says, apparently, I grabbed a handful, this is when she was a child, apparently I grabbed a handful of very buttery asparagus, that makes it terrible to me.
Christine Schiefer: Buttery asparagus. Oh no.
Em Schulz: And it fell from my hand onto the floor and I made a very precocious remark, my parents can't remember what it was. But the whole...
Christine Schiefer: Can you make it up? I feel like that would be... You just at least make it up.
Em Schulz: At least make it up. Yeah. Um my parents can't remember what it was, but the whole place went very quiet, probably 'cause a child just through buttery asparagus everywhere and no one's cleaning it immediately.
Christine Schiefer: What do you do? You're trying to gentle parent and then they throw buttery asparagus on the floor. What are you supposed to do?
Em Schulz: My, my parents can't remember the whole play went quiet, it was only when I got a bit older that my mother said she had an elderly aunt who read tea leaves, the so wait an aunt not a sibling. And she couldn't help but wonder if the talent had skipped a generation.
Christine Schiefer: Oh!
Em Schulz: So I like how the story is I threw asparagus on the floor one time and the room went quiet, and now I am the asparamancer.
Christine Schiefer: I said something but I don't know what it was.
Em Schulz: And I said something only a, a snarky little toddler would say.
Christine Schiefer: I love that though, 'cause you know it's something spunky and it was like, seriously, pick up the goddamn asparagus.
Em Schulz: My, my aunt the one who I overstayed my welcome, uh she told me that the only... She realized this was before I'd overstayed my welcome, and I was just a baby, um and she liked spending every second with me.
Christine Schiefer: Ah just a little baby.
Em Schulz: Um she said the reason she wanted a baby was because she had so much fun with me as a baby, but then her earliest and most favorite in hindsight memory with me is when I was like was such a disgusting mess in a high chair, I just would throw food everywhere.
Christine Schiefer: Ew that sounds terrible.
Em Schulz: And she was like, it was my first time like baby-sitting for like a whole weekend while your parents were out of town, and by the time your parents came back, I was just covered like head to toe in like dirty food, and I was like...
Christine Schiefer: And she said I'd like to do this myself. Really?
Em Schulz: And then only 30 years later, will I feel like you've overstayed a welcome.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah you used to be fun.
Em Schulz: But... So my thought is like, okay, I threw a shitload for that day, why didn't I become the fucking broccoli-sparamancer.
Christine Schiefer: Why didn't you? I mean I feel like your parents must have held you back.
Em Schulz: That's what it was.
Christine Schiefer: I think that's what it was. It's really kind of fucked up.
Em Schulz: I just don't have a supportive unit around me.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, I think that's pretty fucked up. I think if your aunt raised you who would be in the next food mancer with something, some sort of food.
Em Schulz: Mooshy pea mancer.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, yeah.
Em Schulz: Um. So that's all the information we have about who she is as a person, um that's kind of, that's just how she came to be, uh and then she hit the scene and asparamancy, like I said earlier, is categorized as a type of divination, there are hundreds. There are probably many phony ones, there's divination about reading cheese, about reading bodily secretions, about reading shade, about reading wind, about reading breath, a-anything. So this is not as ridiculous as some people might think it is, but it is certainly the one that people pay less attention to now.
Christine Schiefer: It's unique.
Em Schulz: Yeah. I will say um you can find her Jemima Packington on LinkedIn. Uh she... Her job title is asparamancer.
Christine Schiefer: Let's connect.
Em Schulz: Ironically, in experience, she has listed none, and then one of her only interests on LinkedIn is Ryan Reynolds. So...
Christine Schiefer: Wait what? I am all about this gal, she is cracking me up, I want my fortune told.
Em Schulz: She says what we're all thinking.
Christine Schiefer: She must know something that we don't know, you know what I mean? Like...
Em Schulz: She's got that British humor, I think.
Christine Schiefer: I think so. I think so.
Em Schulz: She's had many accurate predictions, um at least accurate enough to be on TV and on radio shows, and she has said before, I'm usually about 75% to 90% accurate with my predictions. Occasionally I get one slightly off where I haven't quite read it correctly, but I'm never far off.
Christine Schiefer: Wow, so I mean maybe she really is psychic, and then she uses that as like a tool, you know how people will use... Uh. Oracle cards or just symbols as tools to process what they're a...
Em Schulz: Yeah. I mean I know I'm making fun of her, but at the same time like it's such a fine line because I'm like everything witchy is is laughed at in some way.
Christine Schiefer: I know like it's easy to...
Em Schulz: This could be real.
Christine Schiefer: Exactly. It's easy to... I mean maybe she just uses it as a fun tool and you know it's just quirky and different, but maybe. You know...
Em Schulz: I mean it's also, I think 'cause it's visually sillier like someone literally just throwing vegetables in the air and then just making your prediction, but any time you've seen one of those TV shows of like a a medium, and they always have some weird symbols that they go by in their head...
Christine Schiefer: Yeah exactly good point.
Em Schulz: This is just a funnier.
Christine Schiefer: It's like her tool for it. Yeah.
Em Schulz: Yeah. Um. It just feels like satire a little bit, I guess. But...
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, it's a little bit... It it's a little bit silly.
Em Schulz: So some of her accurate predictions have been very specific, and I think those are the ones 'cause when she says she's um... She occasionally gets one slightly off, she has been wrong. Like so... When, when she says she's 75% to 90% accurate, that does mean she's 25% to 10% wrong. So...
Christine Schiefer: But I feel like that's when they teach psychic skills and mediumship and stuff like... That's a pretty good average, I think.
Em Schulz: I think so.
Christine Schiefer: Compared to most psychics.
Em Schulz: But I I have noticed the things that she's wrong about um most of the time actually seemed to be sports betting, so I think if she just stopped sports predictions...
Christine Schiefer: Oh, then she'd probably be like...
Em Schulz: She'd be like at a 90 all the time.
Christine Schiefer: Oh hell yeah. She just can't stop. She's like, I wanna figure out who's winning that cricket match. You know.
Em Schulz: And uh the the ones that I'm more impressed with are her predictions where she's specific in what she's saying, like she's predicted them with, um with maybe very limited signs in advance that something like that was coming down the pipeline, so um... Some things that she got correct were Brexit, Teresa May resigning as Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, becoming Prime Minister, Andy Murray winning Wimbledon, Harry and Meghan Markle uh Prince Harry and Meghan Markle stepping down as working royals, the death of Prince Phillip, the death of Queen Elizabeth the second and Big Brother returning to TV.
Christine Schiefer: Do you think when it's like, oh, she... When it says predicted the death of Prince will... What does that mean? Like the day he died or like that he would die soon 'cause he was pretty damn old.
Em Schulz: So that's what I'm... That's what I mean by like, yeah, she is 75% to 90% accurate, but a lot of her predictions are vague enough or... Or they're predictions that probably anyone can see coming.
Christine Schiefer: Right.
Em Schulz: So I mean some of them are interesting, like some of them I cannot be explained. And there's that margin, but a lot of them, which I will I'll get into um... A lot of them are just like, ueah, he's fucking old of course, he's gonna die soon.
Christine Schiefer: I see, okay, so it's like... Yeah.
Em Schulz: Yeah. So it's like, If you're right, 75 to 90% of the time, how what percentage of that is freaky accurate versus like yeah, anyone saw like...
Christine Schiefer: Just like technically true. Yeah. Right.
Em Schulz: Um, the I will say when she predicted the Queen's death again, many of us could have done that she was old...
Christine Schiefer: The Queen. Yes, sorry, I don't know what I said. He's not dead yet. Right. Prince William.
Em Schulz: No Prince Philip is what I...
Christine Schiefer: Oh Prince Philip, Prince Philip.
Em Schulz: I might have said the wrong thing. Um.
Christine Schiefer: No, I don't think so. I think I'm just very ignorant about the royals.
Em Schulz: Yeah, we know nothing about British anything. I'm so I smothered over here...
Christine Schiefer: You know you know definitely more than I do, 'cause I don't even know any...
Em Schulz: I know like the drama of the royals.
[overlapping conversation]
Christine Schiefer: I don't even know that I wish I did, but maybe I'll make you just help me on the um after hours someday or the yappy hour.
Em Schulz: Perfect. Um. So she predicted the Queen's death because she threw asparagus in the air and it landed in the shape of a broken crown.
Christine Schiefer: Oh, that's pretty deep.
Em Schulz: And that is how she thought, Oh, so trouble is brewing with the royals doom is on its way. I will say this one's interesting, four days before it was announced that Biden would be stepping down, she did an interview on a radio show, and when they asked her, which uh would be the election winner Biden or Trump? She said neither of them. It's a lady. Now, I keep, I keep on getting this and the next president of the United States is going to be a lady...
Christine Schiefer: "Gasp." She better be fucking right, stop sports betting. Get up to that 90% accuracy rate. So we can feel better.
Em Schulz: Come through asparamancer. Uh, so we will find out soon enough if she was right about that, but I will also say there were... As someone who is chronically on TikTok, um there were a lot of people already kind of predicting that Biden was gonna step down, and then Harris would take over.
Christine Schiefer: This was this... He was being at four days before he stepped down, he was... There was heavy pressure for him to step down, so it's sort of like we all knew what would happen next or we could predict. So... Yeah, I get what you're saying. It's kind of wild, but also it's like... Well.
Em Schulz: Yeah, it's like, I think this one I just I am more bias 'cause I just want it to be true to be true so bad.
Christine Schiefer: Me too. I'm like, I'll believe it, I guess.
Em Schulz: Um. So, anyway, but then four days later, after she said that on a radio, on a radio show, so she was publicly admitting to it, then four days later, she sat down... Or he stepped down, and then a lot of her predictions are kind of similar where where you look back on and you're like, yeah, well, people kind of predicted that, or there was already people...
Christine Schiefer: There were signs. Or...
Em Schulz: And there... Yeah, when she says, I'm at worst 75% of the time, right it's because, like I said, a lot of her productions are super vague, so here's some of the prediction she has made in the last few years.
Christine Schiefer: Okay.
Em Schulz: Covid will exist, but everyone will learn to adapt. Okay.
Christine Schiefer: Okay.
Em Schulz: Scandals in the royal family. Okay.
Christine Schiefer: Okay.
Em Schulz: Unexpected demise in the entertainment world, okay...
Christine Schiefer: Whoa wait, when was that made?
Em Schulz: That was, I think, in 2022.
Christine Schiefer: So it's already happened.
Em Schulz: But so there's... Well I mean...
Christine Schiefer: Everyday.
Em Schulz: That's the thing, that's the... Exactly. Like you could always say like, right now, it's like, Diddy... But like like a year ago it could be something else, a year ago it could have been Harvey Weinstein it could have been...
Christine Schiefer: Kevin Spacey, Harvey Weinstein. Yeah, there's so many... You're right, you're right.
Em Schulz: There's always something so demise in the entertainment world. Uh another prediction was that people will keep talking about climate change, okay.
Christine Schiefer: Well they better.
Em Schulz: Political figures will be revealed as corrupt, a listers will come out as gay, other A listers will unexpectedly die.
Christine Schiefer: So okay hold on, think about A listers will come out as gay. What is she seeing down there? The word gay? Like A list gay like how do you... I'm just so curious how you parse this. You know.
Em Schulz: Yeah. It's like, does the... Does it turn into...
Christine Schiefer: Miles from Hollywood like you're staring at a pile of asparagus what are you talking about? I wanna know what it says.
Em Schulz: I don't... Actually, that's a great questions.
Christine Schiefer: Has she done any demonstrations, 'cause I would love to just see like what she sees. You know.
Em Schulz: That... 'cause she really does just throw asparagus often in a field, sometimes just on a surface, like to then just... She sees... I mean also think about it as like a it's essentially a Rorschach, Rorschach like blot ink ink blot testing. Like it's just whatever she sees.
Christine Schiefer: Right but I would love to see it and have her be like, see and like show me what she sees, 'cause like I'm sure I wouldn't see what...
Em Schulz: She has, she's on YouTube but there are not a lot of videos of her on YouTube. Um.
Christine Schiefer: Okay, okay.
Em Schulz: But I would love for her to take people out on like a field trip, you would think like if we ever did like a, like a psychic con on or something like medium con, medium con we should invite her out to the to an asparagus field and show us.
Christine Schiefer: Wait a minute, yes.
Em Schulz: You know what I mean?
Christine Schiefer: Okay. Yes.
Em Schulz: Or she should at least take a class and like be open minded like what do you see? What do you see?
Christine Schiefer: Let's bring her aboard, maybe she can crown the next asparamancer.
Em Schulz: Now that would be... Now, that would be... A crown made of asparagus stalks are you kidding me.
Christine Schiefer: I know this is like nepotism or something, but Leona better win the crown.
Em Schulz: Um so anyway...
Christine Schiefer: Downfall in Hollywood, they were talking about...
Em Schulz: Right, right.
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Em Schulz: Others will come out as gay. Others will unexpectedly pass away. Which like, it's like, okay, people come out as gay, and die all the time.
Christine Schiefer: It's bound to happen. And it's bound to happen like at some point. Yeah. True.
Em Schulz: Uh, another one was like, tensions will be high between countries. Yes.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Em Schulz: Well.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Em Schulz: And then with her soccer ones, she, it's not as vague as this, but when you break it down, her predictions of sports are, some will do good and some will do bad.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Em Schulz: And most of the time she's not been totally accurate on both accounts when it comes to sports.
Christine Schiefer: Okay. Interesting.
Em Schulz: Which, like, I'm not a sports person. I think I could totally, like if I'm paying attention to the royal family drama, I'm gonna make better predictions on that than like a fucking football team. 'cause I don't watch football, you know?
Christine Schiefer: Right. Yeah. So you'd be like, oh, I bet there's something brewing at the royals.
Em Schulz: So I think she's just showing, she's telling on herself about her own interests at this point. 'cause the thing she gets right...
Christine Schiefer: Right.
Em Schulz: Is maybe the thing she cares more about versus like, oh.
Christine Schiefer: Interesting. Or, or even has like her...
Em Schulz: Here's the golf results. You know.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. There's those big golf results. [laughter] So tired. This job used to be fun. Now I'm just looking up golf results in my asparagus.
Em Schulz: Well, like, I'm trying to think like, like business and finance. Like if someone asked me to make a prediction about business and finance, I would also keep it fucking vague. And be like business will be hard.
Christine Schiefer: You'd be like, there will be... Yep. There will be tension, there will be highs, there will be lows.
Em Schulz: But then if someone told me what I think is gonna happen at the end of Agatha All Along my Marvel predictions would be spot on. So.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. You're like, it's so freaky how I'm correct all the time. Yeah.
Em Schulz: So I wonder if maybe she only, like, if she's right 75% of the time, maybe it's because three quarters of her predictions are about things she cares about.
Christine Schiefer: Right. Like maybe, and maybe she like has that kind of ear on the ground even subconsciously, like maybe.
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: You can pick up on stuff like just in the tabloids or in the news and like kind of get biased, you know?
Em Schulz: Yeah. So these are some of the things that she's gotten wrong. I did have to Google them. 'cause obviously I would not know these, this information but.
Christine Schiefer: 'cause it was wrong.
Em Schulz: And most of it's, it's like sports stuff. It's like Croatia would win the World Cup in '22.
Christine Schiefer: Hmm.
Em Schulz: Or like the West Indies would win the Cricket World Cup in Australia or the, the English women's soccer team would win the Women's World Cup. Or there's a soccer manager, football manager, sorry, uh, where she was supposed to win like Honorary Damehood and like that, that was another prediction she made. None of that happened.
Christine Schiefer: Oh.
Em Schulz: Umm, even in the royal family, she predicted that one princess would become the next Duchess of Edinburgh.
Christine Schiefer: Hmm.
Em Schulz: Uh, and then it was someone else. So like, she still gets things wrong.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Em Schulz: Umm, and in 2024, I, they in 2024, one source actually decided to count up all of her 2023 predictions now that the year had passed and they found out that 11 out of the 20 were correct. So she was right more than half the time. But again, a lot of them were vague. Like covid will still exist but we'll adapt.
Christine Schiefer: And 11 out of 20 is pretty much still that average. Like 50/50.
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: You know, if you're doing like a yes or no answer. Yeah.
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: I dont know.
Em Schulz: Umm, here are some things that she predicted for this year, since we still have a few months. She could be right on these things, uh if they have not already happened.
Christine Schiefer: All right. We'll see.
Em Schulz: Regime change. I, this is, by the way, I did not like, I absolutely copy and paste this from a website. So this is verbatim. If you find this, I like, I'm just, I didn't wanna fuck this up. I'm just reading exactly what it says.
Christine Schiefer: Perfect.
Em Schulz: 2024 predictions, regime changes throughout the world. Okay.
Christine Schiefer: Okay.
Em Schulz: Members of the royal family will get divorced. Can't wait to be...
Christine Schiefer: Hmm. Do you think that's, does that happen? Is that a thing they're allowed to do? I like, genuinely don't know.
Em Schulz: I don't think that's, I mean, usually I think they just end up not being pictured together anymore. You know.
Christine Schiefer: Right. Okay.
Em Schulz: Umm, people will become sick of celebrity antics.
Christine Schiefer: No, never, never.
Em Schulz: [laughter] That has never happened asparamancer. And it never will. Not on my watch [laughter] Uh, great Britain won't do well at the Olympics, but then I looked it up and they were seventh, uh, with 65 medals, which I don't know if that's good or not. But.
Christine Schiefer: Well, yeah, I don't know either.
Em Schulz: Seventh feels not bad.
Christine Schiefer: But it feels like, it feels like what if they, but what if they were slated to win first or something, then seven maybe is not good. You know what I mean? Like, maybe it's relative.
Em Schulz: Yes. Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: But I don't know. I don't know either. I don't know what's good or bad.
Em Schulz: Uh, TV personalities will lose their jobs. Influencers will lose their influence. [laughter] There will be a shakeup within the UK education system. Mental health. We don't use the word shakeup enough umm.
Christine Schiefer: A shakeup is great.
Em Schulz: Mental health will continue to be focused on. King Charles will soon hand the throne over to Prince William. That one we have yet to see.
Christine Schiefer: Okay.
Em Schulz: And the United States will have a first female president. So we almost...
Christine Schiefer: Listen, okay I mean, I'm intrigued, you know.
Em Schulz: Umm, someone I thought this was funny. I hope this was real. Otherwise it was just like a cheeky way to end an article. But someone asked her after an interview what she does with the asparagus after she's done throwing it around.
Christine Schiefer: Oh yeah. [laughter] What?
Em Schulz: And apparently she microwaves it for five minutes, puts butter on it, and then eats it.
Christine Schiefer: Fuck. Yes. Oh. So she's like, listen, my pee always smells, don't even worry. I'm always steady rotation.
Em Schulz: Oh yeah. She's probably the... She's probably the queen of that asparagusic acid.
Christine Schiefer: I hope she doesn't have that... I'm sorry you have that gene Em. But I hope she sure doesn't 'cause that...
Em Schulz: She doesn't deserve it.
Christine Schiefer: She doesn't deserve the gene. No. I mean, she doesn't deserve to smell her pee every five minutes. Oh yes, yes, yes, yes.
Em Schulz: Right. Yeah. So sweaty too, she deserves to have a, a, a happy life.
Christine Schiefer: To at least be able to eat that damn asparagus after using it. Yeah.
Em Schulz: Last thing I have to say though is that she has done readings for people in the past. So I was onto something when I thought, oh, I'll get her to do a reading for us.
Christine Schiefer: Oh.
Em Schulz: When I thought she was the pasta lady.
Christine Schiefer: Right. [laughter]
Em Schulz: Umm, but so someone else got a reading from her and this is the, uh, the setup that happens because it was a, a remote, uh, a remote service. She did.
Christine Schiefer: Session. Yeah.
Em Schulz: And this is a quote from them, when I contact Packington to request a reading, she advises me to cast some, uh, she advises me to cast some asparagus spears number irrelevant. [laughter] Uh. Which by the way, that means something to me because I'm like, if there's a lot of them, you could get a more detailed picture it, so like, why wouldn't you...
Christine Schiefer: Or maybe it's just a big clump. I don't know.
Em Schulz: Oh yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah I know. You're right. You're right.
Em Schulz: She advises me to cast some asparagus spears number irrelevant onto a flat surface.
Christine Schiefer: Oh...
Em Schulz: Preferably with a pale background.
Christine Schiefer: So she, so the person has to do their own toss.
Em Schulz: Yes.
Christine Schiefer: That's interesting. 'cause I thought she has her own supply and she's doing it on your behalf, but you throw it.
Em Schulz: Yeah. Wouldn't you think that, like, for someone who like lives in like asparagus land, wouldn't you wanna use the best asparagus too?
Christine Schiefer: Well, well, well but but but think about this. When you're doing like a tarot reading, you want the other person's energy like on the cards. You know what I mean?
Em Schulz: Hmm.
Christine Schiefer: Like, you want them to be part of it.
Em Schulz: That's a good point.
Christine Schiefer: So I wonder if this is like, oh, your energy throwing it up is...
Em Schulz: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Better than me doing it virtually. I don't know.
Em Schulz: Well, so she had this person throw it on a surface. Uh, I, I then needed to take a picture of the way the stalks have fallen, mark where I was standing when I released them and sent the image to her.
Christine Schiefer: Oh.
Em Schulz: So I followed the instructions, including my feet in one picture to give an idea of my positioning. And five...
Christine Schiefer: So like a crime scene, like reenactment, like the body was here.
Em Schulz: And five days later, my predictions were in.
Christine Schiefer: Ooh.
Em Schulz: And the predictions were that a special person was coming into their life. They were gonna go on a trip to New York soon, and they were going to have a party with the, with people whose name started with K, H and A.
Christine Schiefer: Did it come true?
Em Schulz: I don't know. But the...
Christine Schiefer: What! Ugh. What the hell, because those are some specifics, you know?
Em Schulz: Yeah. Anyway, that's the best I can do. But what I, umm, what I propose to you, Christina, is that for this week's yappy hour, we throw something in the air and make a prediction.
Christine Schiefer: Absolute. Oh Em, oh, you're speaking my language. And now baby, let's do it.
Em Schulz: I, if you would like to join us on Patreon and see us throw random items on the floor.
Christine Schiefer: I mean, I could probably Instacart some asparagus by the end of this episode. [laughter]
Em Schulz: Perfect. I, I did think about, uh, about getting actual asparagus sent here.
Christine Schiefer: I can't believe you didn't get some, that would've been very funny. But I do understand that that's probably not your priority right now.
Em Schulz: I do have dried pasta. We can just do that.
Christine Schiefer: Oh yeah. You could become, oh my God. All along...
Em Schulz: I'll be... Which is what we said in the last episode. Where it's like...
Christine Schiefer: It is what we said, isn't it?
Em Schulz: I was seeing my own first vision.
Christine Schiefer: This is the craziest thing I ever heard. Holy shit, it's happening.
Em Schulz: And that is The Asparamancer.
Christine Schiefer: Wow. Good job.
Em Schulz: Thank you.
Christine Schiefer: Umm, I have to pee really bad. Speaking of, you know, potty learning, since I know how to use a potty, unlike some four year olds.
Em Schulz: That's fine. That's fine.
Christine Schiefer: I'll be right back.
Em Schulz: I'm gonna go put pants on.
Christine Schiefer: All right Em, I have a story for you today. This is a story of Victoria, AKA Vicky Cilliers and.
Em Schulz: Cilliers?
Christine Schiefer: Cilliers, like C-I-L-L-I-E-R-S.
Em Schulz: Okay.
Christine Schiefer: So Victoria Vicky Cilliers was born speaking of, in Edinburgh, Scotland in 1975.
Em Schulz: Woo.
Christine Schiefer: Fun fact. Her father worked as a computer engineer and her mother left a nursing career to work as a stay-at-home mom. She described her, umm, childhood as very idyllic. She was like, we were the perfect nuclear family. Like we were just happy. Umm, she spent her weekdays playing with friends, doing homework, school activities, and she loved riding horses. That was her biggest passion. She actually wanted to pursue, umm, therapy and, uh, incorporate her love of horses somehow into, into therapy. That was like her goal...
Em Schulz: Oh, nice.
Christine Schiefer: Career-wise, which I thought was really cool. Umm, so like maybe an equine veterinarian. And then later she thought maybe do some therapy with people that involves horses. But anyway, they basically had dinner together at the table every night. Two kids, two parents. She was like, it was so secure and so happy. Reassuringly normal were the words she used. But when she turned 14, her mother, unfortunately, she said her mom and dad came into her bedroom one morning and before she got out of bed, they told her they had some bad news that mom had bowel cancer.
Em Schulz: Oh shit.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. And, uh, really, really rough, rough one. Umm, so she had bowel cancer with a, with a terminal prognosis pretty much. So she had several years of unsuccessful chemotherapy. And, umm, Vicky's mom basically said, I'm done getting treated for the cancer. I'm just gonna step back and live life until it's over. Uh, and just spend time with family. So they went on something called, which I listened to an episode of RedHanded on this story. Umm, 'cause I think every time they cover something that I'm gonna do, I like to hear their take. Especially being in London...
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: I feel like a story like in Edinburgh, I got some, some insight, you know. Umm, but anyway, they, they mentioned this part that isn't in my notes, but apparently her dad said, we're going on our final, our last family holiday.
Em Schulz: Oh shit.
Christine Schiefer: Like 'cause mom was sick and this was their last, their final family holiday. And it's like, wow, that's very dark.
Em Schulz: Oh my God. Okay.
Christine Schiefer: Umm, so it was sort of like, everything seemed idyllic and happy. And then all of a sudden, you know, mom passes of cancer. She died, uh, like days before Vicky's, 16th birthday. And...
Em Schulz: Oh my God.
Christine Schiefer: The family was just kind of torn apart. So Victoria, Christopher, that's her brother and their father isolated themselves in their rooms. Uh, they started, you know, drifting apart. They didn't speak to each other very much. It was almost like they were in their own little bubbles of grief, like individually.
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: When her mom first became sick, Victoria had actually thrown herself into new hobbies as, uh, just to distract herself from kind of this doom and gloom. Umm, she started drumming in a pipes and drums club. And now...
Em Schulz: That's badass.
Christine Schiefer: Saoirse has added, this is not like drums, like drum sets. This is Scottish bag pipes and drumming. So it's like, uh, it's not like sitting down and drumming.
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: It's like more of a spectacle.
Em Schulz: Okay.
Christine Schiefer: We love a spectacle.
Em Schulz: Badass. I love a spectacle.
Christine Schiefer: She also...
Em Schulz: I use my spectacles to watch the spectacle. [laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Double spectacles.
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: So she got very into heavy metal music. She basically just tried any avenue she could to avoid like the reality of her family falling apart. But now that mom was gone, Vicky felt utterly lost and she needed something new to inspire her. And she saw a flyer at school for a charity skydiving event and said, ding, ding, ding. That's it.
Em Schulz: Damn, really just going for...
Christine Schiefer: Let's go skydiving.
Em Schulz: Going for the, uh, real adrenaline rush there.
Christine Schiefer: Oh yeah. Big time. She attended meetings to learn about the event. And then she decided she would plan to fundraise for bowel cancer research and dedicate the funds in her mom's memory. So she was 17 years old when she jumped out of a plane for the first time. And she said it was just like a rush. She just knew that was, that was the day it changed. She was in, that was her, her new hobby.
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: Umm, when she landed, she wanted to go again. And they were like, okay, hold your horses.
Em Schulz: I feel like that's pretty... I feel like that's like kind of common of like, once you've got like.
Christine Schiefer: Not I.
Em Schulz: No. Have you been skydiving?
Christine Schiefer: I sure have.
Em Schulz: I feel like a lot of people have let, like that massive wave of dopamine after the, of like, oh, I, I did that. Like, I wanna do it again. I feel like I hear a lot of people saying like, they get hooked the second they do it.
Christine Schiefer: I puked and I said I'd rather die than go up there ever again.
Em Schulz: I never had to do it to know that would be my reaction.
Christine Schiefer: Hmm. You would agree.
Em Schulz: But I have, I have done, you know, I love a ropes course. There have been ones where I had to jump out of a very tall tree and just trust that the rope was gonna catch me and.
Christine Schiefer: No.
Em Schulz: And that was horrifying. And then when I did it, I did have that dopamine fix of like, oh, I could, I wanna go and do it again now that I know that it's okay.
Christine Schiefer: I... Yeah, I can see that. I think the problem with mine...
Em Schulz: Like out of the out of the sky is a whole other thing for me.
Christine Schiefer: By the way there is a YouTube video of me skydiving. Umm.
Em Schulz: Well now someone has to go find it.
Christine Schiefer: And I can't even delete it 'cause it's on their, their website, so I don't even know. But my mom, for her, uh, 50th birthday, I think it was, wanted to go skydiving. So we all took her. Umm...
Em Schulz: I would've said, happy birthday mom find someone else. [laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. I wanted to do it. I was excited. And then I, first of all, I'm much older now and I'm like, no, I don't have the time to risk my life anymore. But, umm, also my experience was not great, but it was not... Okay. So the instructor was being a little like goofy and playful and maybe flirty. And like, while we were jumping out of the thing, he kept like spinning it really fast.
Em Schulz: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: And I got so motion and I get, I get sick car sick so easily. Like I can't even go on a teacup, ride, I'll vomit. So he's like spinning me around and I can't say anything. So at the bottom, I just like hurl, but I also didn't know how to breathe on the way down.
Em Schulz: Oh.
Christine Schiefer: This is like where... This is where my brain goes like really nuts because I'm like, beforehand I was so scared about not being able to breathe 'cause I was like, well, think of all the air. How do you breathe? And they said, no one's ever asked that. And I said, what do you mean? Like, how do you breathe? And he said, you just do. It just happens. And I said, okay. I was falling into the, out of the sky and I was like, I can't breathe.
Em Schulz: Well, it's a G-Force. Yeah. It's hitting you.
Christine Schiefer: How am I supposed to breathe? And they said, oh, it'll just happen. I'm like, not if you're thinking about it. Apparently, apparently your body's like, we don't know how to breathe and I could not breathe. And then he started spinning and then I landed and I puked and I could barely breathe. It was not fun for me. But my mom had a grand time and that's all that matters. Umm.
Em Schulz: Yeah. Sounds like that guy was just like doing the classic, uh, trying to be like cute and impish when like, really...
Christine Schiefer: Uh-huh.
Em Schulz: It's like, oh, you're just actually like, not at all paying attention.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. The moment I vomited all over the field, he was probably like, oh, too far. Okay.
Em Schulz: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Noted.
Em Schulz: Well you, well you were a bitch anyway. You know something stupid.
Christine Schiefer: [laughter] No, no. He was very sweet. I like, he was great. I just, uh, I just was not into the whole...
Em Schulz: He was clearly not reading the room. Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Well, you know, I think, I hope he at least asked people moving forward, do you get car sick easily? 'cause I do a fun thing where I spin us around really, really, really fast [laughter] as we fall thousands of feet from the air. Umm.
Em Schulz: And my dad recently went skydiving and I, and he was like, would you do it with me? And I went, I, no, I never in a million years would I do that. Have fun.
Christine Schiefer: Uh, Blaise is the same way. And I have done it once and that's it. I'm done not doing it again.
Em Schulz: That's delicious.
Christine Schiefer: I can say I did it. You know, it's the best part.
Em Schulz: I also went bungee jumping off of like.
Christine Schiefer: That's the... She and I had a long conversation about bungee jumping when we saw each other last.
Em Schulz: And she did it from like, whatever. It's like a, like record breaking. It's the longest jump you can do or something. Like, it was like, she went from nothing to doing the, the world record bungee jump or something.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. She said like, she was describing how like you walk up to the edge and like, it's too late to turn back. I'm like, ah, I don't think so. I don't think so.
Em Schulz: I don't think you just, just leave, just go away.
Christine Schiefer: You'd have to carry me. You'd have to hurl me off. Like, and on the airplane you... There's someone strapped to you if you're a beginner. And so like, you don't even get the, uh, age. You don't have a choice, which is kind of nice. 'cause you're not like weighing like, should I go? You're just fucking thrown out of the airplane. But I feel like with a bungee jump, you have to make the leap. And I'm certainly not gonna do that.
Em Schulz: No, I think to save your own, to save your life, I would not do it. I don't think I could do it. I don't think.
Christine Schiefer: I literally don't think I could do it either. So let's both just... [laughter]
Em Schulz: Okay. Just know that if it's up to me surviving or you jumping, I know I won't be surviving. [laughter]
Christine Schiefer: But I also like have no desire to do it. Like, it's not even like, oh, I'm too scared, but like, maybe it would be fun. I'm just like, I don't have any want to, I have no desire to do this, none.
Em Schulz: Same.
Christine Schiefer: None.
Em Schulz: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: I'll get adrenaline elsewhere.
Em Schulz: If the world told me you will not bungee jump or skydive before you die. Okay.
Christine Schiefer: Fantastic.
Em Schulz: Okay. I'll make do.
Christine Schiefer: I'll just, I'm gonna eat a gin and banana and watch you skydive. You know.
Em Schulz: I'll take a nap.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Em Schulz: And I'll actually live longer, how about that.
Christine Schiefer: And you and I are gonna have, we're gonna be laughing all the way to the bank.
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: Anyway, So when she was 17, she jumped out of the plane, had the opposite reaction at me, which was, holy shit, this was amazing. But apparently being in high school, it's not super easy to just like become a skydiver. Umm.
Em Schulz: Right.
Christine Schiefer: It's not the most accessible hobby, I guess for a teenager. Right. So she went back to horseback riding and drumming after the charity event and was like, okay, maybe one day I'll go back to to parachuting. To skydiving. So Vicky graduated, she moved to Glasgow for college where she studied physiotherapy and she really wanted to, to get into, umm, a career somehow relating to horses. But instead she ended up pursuing a medical career in the military. And she kind of applied to that on a whim, umm, because a friend invited her to a recruitment presentation and like you called it earlier when you said badass, because she is badass, so I'll get to that. But her father had actually remarried by this point to a woman named Francis who was like really lovely and cared for her and was kind.
Em Schulz: Aww.
Christine Schiefer: So at least, you know, out of all that trauma, she at least got another loving mother figure. So Vicky worked in military hospitals before she was deployed abroad, she worked with NATO on a medical team to provide care for survivors of war and ethnic persecution. Like she saw shit. She saw shit like, it was, it was scary. She went to Kosovo for, uh, on the ground, umm, doing, and, and it, the way that RedHanded described it as well was like, you're in this position, you're a soldier first, and then the medic. So it's like you're a soldier.
Em Schulz: Hmm.
Christine Schiefer: You're trained as a soldier, you're carrying guns, you're, but then you're also the medic, so it's like double badass, you know what I mean?
Em Schulz: Oh yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Umm, so she's, she's in it. And when she returns home, of course there's that readjustment period where people are just complaining about like banal problems and like, you know, as we like to say, first world problems. And she's like, I just saw like families ripped apart and children killed and people raped. You know, she's just seen this horrible war-torn area and the most gruesome medical injuries. And then people are like, oh man, they ran out of my favorite chocolate cookies or what have you. You know?
Em Schulz: Right, right.
Christine Schiefer: And so yeah, she was like kind of having that, that struggle to adjust back to being in like civilian life. And Victoria told a friend she needed another distraction, a break from reality. And they said, this friend said, well, there's this adventure training activity that we can apply for through work. And so she looked over the list of courses and on that brochure she saw skydiving.
Em Schulz: Hmm.
Christine Schiefer: And she went, ah, finally I can get back to my long lost love of skydiving. So she was soon dedicating nearly all her free time to building her skills as a parachuter and earning advanced qualifications. Like she went hard in this hobby, umm, unlike you and me who start a hobby and then become experts in a day and then never use it again.
Em Schulz: Well...
Christine Schiefer: She slowly built up her expertise and stuck with it.
Em Schulz: I was gonna say that's the... That's probably a, a clear indicator if someone is, uh, neurodivergent or at least has ADHD is, I feel like, uh, if you can't accomplish the hobby and be an expert within a week, then you're...
Christine Schiefer: What's the point?
Em Schulz: You're not gonna do it.
Christine Schiefer: What a waste.
Em Schulz: It's like if I can't be an expert skydiver in seven days or less, I'm not even gonna fucking try skydiving. Because my...
Christine Schiefer: If Amazon Prime can't same day deliver all the equipment for me right now, then in two days I'm gonna be like, why did I order a parachute?
Em Schulz: Yeah. Because my, it's so every thought I have is so fleeting that like, you're lucky if I have an interest for a whole week.
Christine Schiefer: So, but here's the thing, it's fleeting, but it feels like it's gonna be forever. That's the thing that tricks you.
Em Schulz: Well, that's the hyper fixation.
Christine Schiefer: Exactly. So it's like.
Em Schulz: It's like in this moment, nothing is more important.
Christine Schiefer: It's fleeting. But you really believe like, no, this is my new hobby and my new life. [laughter] It's like, you really believe it. It's not like...
Em Schulz: Oh no.
Christine Schiefer: Oh I'm gonna be bored of this soon. It's like, no, you really believe it. And then when it kind of dissipates, you're left with all the, the, the, the sewing needles and the Cricut machine, and the parachute.
Em Schulz: One of my friends uh... It's, it's like, it's not an uncommon conversation in like ADHD spaces, uh, to like that we all need to get together. The irony is that none of us have the fucking brain power be able to...
Christine Schiefer: Of course not.
Em Schulz: Stick it through and actually do this. But the running joke is like, we should all come up with a craft convention and everyone can trade all of their ADHD hyper-fixations with each other.
Christine Schiefer: Oh my God. I have boxes, hot glue guns, bedazzling kits, Cricut machines. I mean, all of it.
Em Schulz: And when you're there, you could...
Christine Schiefer: Just trade away.
Em Schulz: You could find something else you're obsessed with and already have everything there. Just buy it and buy the whole bulk of it. And it'll be a good thing.
Christine Schiefer: We'll do... Well let's just get a big, okay, now this is my...
Em Schulz: It's like, it's a, it's a hyper-fixation swap convention essentially.
Christine Schiefer: A swap. But then what if tomorrow I'm like, but now I wanna bead again. I forgot how fun it is.
Em Schulz: Well then you, but then you wait another year and you go to the swap and you get your beading shit back. I don't know.
Christine Schiefer: Ugh I don't think so. I can't commit to that.
Em Schulz: But the, the point is, it's essentially a goodwill of just craft and craft goods.
Christine Schiefer: Em I might need that roll of glittery vinyl.
Em Schulz: I know.
Christine Schiefer: And then what?
Em Schulz: I understand, I understand.
Christine Schiefer: Oh gosh. It's hard.
Em Schulz: But... No, it's, it's become a thing. So I, I understand. And with, um, with skydiving, maybe we would be interested if we knew that our brains would allow us to enjoy it for more than like a, a business day, you know.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. Uh, my brain did the opposite of enjoy it for an entire business day. So I will absolutely not be interested in this. But, you know, something else maybe. Um, but yeah, up in the sky, no, thank you. I'm gonna stay on the ground for now. Uh, I'm not even doing the ropes courses. Just staying down here. Um, anyway, so she was of course quickly earning advanced qualifications. Um, and she ultimately became certified as an advanced free fall instructor, which is a pretty big deal. So in the following years, Victoria would log roughly 2,600 jumps. I was gonna ask you...
Em Schulz: Good for her.
Christine Schiefer: To guess, but I was like, that feels so random. I don't know what you would guess, but...
Em Schulz: Well, I was going to say originally, 'cause with my Christian stories, one of the things that a lot of the, uh, a lot of the guys do, heaven forbid a fucking woman do it, but, um, both the Duggars and the Bates, they, the guys, they all get their skydiving certifications and all this 'cause they think it's a skill to help with the Lord, 'cause then they can go...
Christine Schiefer: What?
Em Schulz: Into, it's a long story. It's, it's a...
Christine Schiefer: Go into where? The ocean?
Em Schulz: No, they go into, um... Okay. To sum...
Christine Schiefer: Into what?
Em Schulz: To summarize...
Christine Schiefer: I'm gonna lose it.
Em Schulz: There's, there's a, a group that all of them are a part of, or a, a, a group that they all join, which is like their version of the military called ALERT.
Christine Schiefer: No.
Em Schulz: And then from ALERT, it's like Air Land Emergency Response Team or something. And they, they basically go away to a bootcamp where they learn how to do all these things. That way they can go out into the world and I'm sure be strong soldiers for the Lord or some shit like that. But, uh, they... A lot of them joined this company called Medic Corps who apparently it's like a... They think it's maybe a fraudulent company. I don't know. Reddit has a lot to say about that. But they do like disaster relief. And so all of them go get their, their, their skydiving certifications, so they can stay with Medic Corps and do disaster relief. And...
Christine Schiefer: Interesting.
Em Schulz: I watch a lot of them talk about their skydiving jumps and how many jumps they've done. None of them have done that fucking many, I'll tell you that.
Christine Schiefer: Uh-oh.
Em Schulz: 2000.
Christine Schiefer: ALERT. 2,600. Yeah. Um... Wow.
Em Schulz: 2,600. That's incredible.
Christine Schiefer: 2,600, right? Uh, what is this? Wow.
Em Schulz: The way that I could tangent. I'm trying to keep it together for you.
Christine Schiefer: I know. I'm sorry. But what did you say that you thought it was for ALERT?
Em Schulz: Yeah. No. So they learned to do, uh, a lot of their quote...
Christine Schiefer: But what did you say you thought it stood for again?
Em Schulz: Oh, uh, Air Land... Air and Land Emergency Response Team. It's through their fundamentalist church. It's through the IBOP.
Christine Schiefer: Okay, 'cause I was gonna say, there's so many different things called ALERT. So I'm trying to find, oh, here it is. International ALERT Academy.
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: Oh boy. Christ Heaven.
Em Schulz: And a lot of the guys who are like, we wanna go into the military, they go into ALERT and then that's like enough of a fix for them. And then they never actually join the military.
Christine Schiefer: The ALERT Academy is an in, this is from their website, an intense post high school Christian discipleship and training program for young men who want to live with purpose and make an impact. We forge men to be spiritually sound, physically fit, and ready to serve. Blech. Our nine month training program consists of three phases, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Training, competence, critical thinking. Yeah. All going... And let's see, advanced training. Wow. Uh, mentorship. Don't even say it. So, um, since 1994, we have eh... If Forge extraordinary money will influence their world for Christ...
Em Schulz: I promise you, I could talk about this for hours.
Christine Schiefer: This is out of control. We need to write down every yappy hour topic that we've, we've thrown out there today, because I need you to know this is something I have to go back to at some point.
Em Schulz: I will teach you everything.
Christine Schiefer: I will say the gospel does transform a man, and disciple does strengthen a man. So.
Em Schulz: Oh, I'm so glad you said that. Okay.
Christine Schiefer: You know, I did learn that. And it's about time we all say it. Um, we all... It's all about time we talk about how comradery sharpens a man and hardship matures a man. So yeah.
Em Schulz: Yeah. We should say that all the time together.
Christine Schiefer: It's weird. The whole ALERT team is white men.
Em Schulz: Let's find a man and hold hands around him and just chant these things.
Em Schulz: Oh, okay.
Em Schulz: And that's like going to ALERT, basically.
Em Schulz: That's like having a coven, I think. Okay. Anyway.
Em Schulz: Please get back to your story.
Christine Schiefer: I'm so sorry. Let's go back. This is so stupid. I'm like...
Em Schulz: I was trying to... It was... I did, I did the thing where I... It was too long of a story, but I, I am, I'm very involved in hearing other people's stories about skydiving. I know way too much about like the, the certifications and stuff.
Christine Schiefer: I see. Well, that's good context for me to know.
Em Schulz: And I... And her doing that many jumps is insane. That's great.
Christine Schiefer: Okay. Okay. So that's good to know, 'cause I, I really, when I was gonna quiz you, I should have quizzed you then, 'cause I was gonna ask how many you thought and I thought maybe you'd just pull an arbitrary number. But you do know more about it than, uh, than I expected.
Christine Schiefer: All right. Um, I know what you're thinking. My imagination just won't get off the ground. And it's about time Audible helps you. It can help your imagination soar. Like what if you listen to a book called "A Haunted Road Atlas Next Stop". I think it would change your life.
Em Schulz: First thing I'm gonna do on Audible is listen to my own book. And then I'm gonna listen to my own other book and then... And then maybe I'll listen to some other books.
Christine Schiefer: And then call it a day, 'cause what more would I ever need to listen to? No.
Em Schulz: Um, it's perfect right now for spooky season. And, uh, I know you also recently downloaded that Witchy audio book...
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Em Schulz: The Dark witchy audiobook.
Christine Schiefer: I already finished it. Uh, I'm already on the next Stephen King. I'm loving it. Audible is, has no shortage of them, so do not even worry.
Em Schulz: Find the genres you'd love and discover new ones. Explore bestsellers like us, new releases, plus thousands of included audio books, podcasts, and originals.
Christine Schiefer: There's more to imagine when you listen. New members can try Audible now free for 30 days with your first audiobook included. Visit audible.com/drink or text drink to 500500. That's audible.com/drink or text drink to 500500.
Christine Schiefer: During this time, where she's getting her certification and training, um, she entered her first serious relationship, became engaged and then broke off the engagement 'cause she, uh, as RedHanded, put it, got the ick right as he proposed, which ooh, it's gotta feel bad. Um, but she felt like it wasn't the right fit, so she broke it off and ended up actually meeting a man through the military whom she then married. Now they were living separately 'cause they had, um, different job postings. And Vicky decided to leave the military and join her husband wherever he was posted, so she could still do her same job and work as a, a physiotherapist in hospitals while, um, her husband was deplo... Or I'm sorry, was, um, stationed somewhere.
Christine Schiefer: So for a while, things were good, but pretty quickly her husband became, she noticed very distant and avoidant. Uh, and pretty soon Victoria discovered that he was in a year long affair.
Em Schulz: "Gasp."
Christine Schiefer: And yikes. So she tried to rebuild her trust in him, and keep the family together, but she ultimately moved out of their home while he was on a deployment. And with their separation being official, she decided to focus on her careers. So she's working at this point, five days a week as a physiotherapist and then the other two days of the week, she's working as a parachuting instructor. And, you know, seven day a week, seven workday, seven day... This is clearly, I don't do this. Seven work days, days a week. I don't know, whatever. Uh, she, she works seven days a week...
Em Schulz: Around the clock.
Christine Schiefer: Around the clock. And, um, one day in late winter of 2009, Emile Cilliers walked into the hospital where she worked seeking physical therapy. This man, Emile, he was from South Africa. He had badly injured his knee in a skiing accident, which required extensive reconstructive surgery. And Victoria was the kind of person who like connected with people and wanted her patients and people she was caring for, to, to trust her. And so she wanted to connect with this man just like she did with all of her patients. Um, but this was different, because there was a spark there this time. And she thought, this guy and I were hitting it off. And sure enough, they spun into a whirlwind romance. And, uh, here's where things start to go south, 'cause Victoria later described that Emile at the beginning was very intense, was prone to grand gestures of affection. Uh, told her he was in love with her within weeks, told her things he claimed he'd never told anyone else. And what do we call this behavior?
Em Schulz: Bad.
Christine Schiefer: Correct. Anyone else? Just kidding. Um...
Em Schulz: I'll wait.
Christine Schiefer: We... I'll wait. We call it love-bombing, and it's a huge red flag. So he immediately starts love-bombing her. He's like, you're perfect. You're everything I ever wanted. I wanna... I mean, so, and it, I, I feel like I've gotten a lot listening to several episodes and watching several episodes about this. I feel like I've gotten a new insight into the concept of love-bombing. Um, and it's really interesting, because the way it was described was just a one way to look at it is like someone is bombarding you with feel good feelings and making you feel so special to, to the point that you can't, you know, there is no room to notice the red flags. Like...
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: They have stuff to hide. So they're just bombarding you with good stuff so that you are not cognizant.
Em Schulz: It's the ultimate sleight of hand.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. It's sleight of hand.
Em Schulz: It's a total distraction.
Christine Schiefer: It's manipulation. And then of course, because it's not real, uh, and it's, it's affection for the sake of affection, um, or for the sake of manipulating you. But it feels so good in the beginning that oftentimes people stay with that person because they're looking... Which I hadn't really pieced together quite yet. They're looking for the early days again. Like they're looking for that like huge, uh, affection. They're looking for that connection that, that spark, that honeymoon phase. And it...
Em Schulz: It's especially when someone is doing, like, this is my understanding of it, is that it's the, just like what you said, like the overwhelm of good things, but then immediately, like just, it, it going away. Like that.
Christine Schiefer: It like pulls it pulls the plug. Yeah, or like a curtain gets lifted.
Em Schulz: Yeah. So it's not lifted consistent, 'cause it, that's one of the major differences of like, is someone being kind to me because they actually wanna be kind to me or they're love-bombing me? And it's like, well, if it's consistent in your relationship, then they probably mean it. But if they're doing it early on, it's a a way to try to convince you early on that, that you should be with them. And then once they've got you, they turn it off.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. Or at least they, they use it sparingly because I will say there are a lot of people who are, especially in relationships with him, where they would say, the second I started to pull away or something kind of went wrong, he would pull all the tricks out again and do the...
Em Schulz: Oh okay.
Christine Schiefer: Like, trick that and not... You know, pull the, pull all the stops again, make it romantic again. Say, oh my gosh. And that's... I mean, it's abusive cycle, you know.
Em Schulz: That's kind of like my mom, she describes my dad as, uh, he was an excellent apologizer when he would, after we would get into like this mega nasty like Jerry Springer level fight, he would be the sweetest, nicest, bring out all the presents, blah, blah, blah.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Em Schulz: Like, do, do everything to just blow me away with love. And it was just so a way to overcorrect to get you to forget the bad stuff. So you...
Christine Schiefer: Exactly.
Em Schulz: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: And that's what's happening in the beginning. It's like that over bombardment so that you're not noticing any of the nuance of the red flags. Anything that like, they don't want you to see.
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: Um, and so, you know, he's immediately love-bombing her, like very intense. Um, she felt like things were moving a bit too fast, but he was just so "smitten with her", that she just would kind of talk herself out of the anxiety. And when he asked her to meet his two children from a previous marriage to a woman named Carly, she was a little hesitant 'cause it felt like very soon to take such a big step, but she knew it was important to him. So she said, all right, I'll meet Carly. Um, because Carly wanted to get to know this new woman that her kids would be spending time with. Understandable.
Christine Schiefer: So Carly and Victoria met. It was fine. Um, Carly was clearly concerned about the wellbeing of her children, which Victoria respected. Um, and at the end of the conversation, it seemed like Carly liked Victoria and approved of her. So Victoria was thrilled. She's like, phew, now, like, Emile will be happy. You know, we've... We're all big happy family. The kids can come hang out with us. Um, but of course, that feeling was short-lived 'cause right at the end of the coffee session, Carly asked Victoria if she knew about Emile's other children.
Em Schulz: Uh-oh.
Christine Schiefer: And Victoria said, sure, don't. Um...
Em Schulz: Come again.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, come again. So she immediately confronted Emile and he confessed that he had two children in South Africa where he had been born and raised. But the reason he didn't tell her is that he was so afraid that he would drive her away with like his backstory. And he was so afraid that she wouldn't understand. And...
Em Schulz: He's so considerate like that.
Christine Schiefer: I know. It's so manipulative. It's like sick. Um, so he told Victoria that their mother had moved to the UK shortly after him, but refused him contact with his own children. He said he, oh, by the way, another red flag, uh, that RedHanded also aptly pointed out is that, he was badmouthing and bashing his, all his exes and the mothers of his children. It's like, there's just a red flag there. If you're... If you're acting like nothing happened in the past that had anything to do with you, it's all the crazy women that did it, not you. You had no bearing on all these breakups. That's a red flag to me. Like, I'm sorry, I, I don't believe that you have nothing to do with multiple divorces with mothers of your own children.
Em Schulz: There's a common denominator.
Christine Schiefer: There sure is. Exactly.
Em Schulz: If it was one divorce, and like that person really did happen to be one of the 1% like stalker crazy person, blah, blah, blah, okay. But yeah, if you've had multiple of everything, you look within.
Christine Schiefer: Well, it's also the bashing of the people. Like, why go there? Why, like, spend time putting them down? He explained that.
Em Schulz: Or to make them look bad to...
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Em Schulz: Frame yourself as better. Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: The one, the woman, he would... One of his exes, he would say like, oh, she was work shy. She never, never like contributed. She never did anything. She never worked a day in her life, blah, blah, blah. Ever since she had a kid, she didn't wanna work. And then, um, just saying terrible things about the other women and, but making her feel like she's so different and special and not anything like his exes. And anyway, he said he had planned to tell Victoria, but he was too scared. He didn't know how to tell her about his other family, and he begged for her forgiveness. Um, and Victoria was like, she really struggled to swallow this apology, but she... He convinced her. So she, she took his apology in stride and convinced herself like, maybe this was just an out of character lapse in judgment. Um, maybe it was a painful topic he didn't wanna discuss, and she just had to trust that he was gonna tell her someday.
Christine Schiefer: So had she known however, the details of Emile's relationship with his children's mother, uh, she may not have taken his apology s-so easily, 'cause Emile had actually begun dating his ex, Nicoline Shepherd when he was 16 and Nicoline was 13.
Em Schulz: Oh.
Christine Schiefer: And she had their first child just after her 16th birthday. And as soon as they had two children together, Emile went on a work holiday visa to the UK. It was supposed to be like a quick trip, so he could bring some extra income back, uh, for his wi... Uh, partner and the two kids and, um, you know, be able to afford the rent. But instead, after a few weeks, Emile's mother sat down with Nicoline one day and said, hey, um, Emile not only is he not coming back from the UK, he actually married a different woman in the UK.
Em Schulz: Ooh. Oh my.
Christine Schiefer: And of course, Nicoline is shocked, um, 'cause as far as she was aware, they were still in a serious relationship and parenting their children, and he was just gone for a few weeks. And now all of a sudden his mom is like, no, he's out of here, and...
Em Schulz: That's crazy. That's...
Christine Schiefer: He's re he's married someone else.
Em Schulz: Beyond.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, beyond. So Nicoline was shocked. Um, she actually did end up moving to the UK eventually, but she swears up and down this had nothing to do with him. She had always wanted to live in the UK and she didn't move there to see him, which he claimed she did. But, um, she moved there with the kids and she had no plans to see him again, but one day her daughter said, I really wanna see my dad. And so Nicoline reached out to Emile and said like, hey, it's not for me. I don't really care about seeing you, but the kids wanna see you.
Christine Schiefer: So he told Nicoline, you know what? You've caught me in a pretty wild time. My wife, Carly and I are getting divorced. And, um, the two of them, Nicoline and Emile rekindled their relationship 'cause as Nicoline said, he brought back all the stops from the beginning. He... She felt like she was a teenager again. Like he was swarming her with like love and affection. And she said, oh, we've just been through a rough patch and now we're... It's our true love story. Now we're like...
Em Schulz: Ugh.
Christine Schiefer: You know, happily ever after, right? And it, that's how these mind games work. So Carly soon found out, uh, that Emile and Nicoline were together and she contacted Nicoline to say, um, Nope, we're not getting divorced. We're very much still together.
Em Schulz: Oh my God.
Christine Schiefer: And he has a family with me here, so whatever he told you is not true. So...
Em Schulz: You can bounce. Is what she said.
Christine Schiefer: You can... No, she said he can bounce.
Em Schulz: Oh, okay. Go figure.
Christine Schiefer: Well, he's having an affair with this other woman and she calls her and is like, no, no. Um, he's cheating on both of us.
Em Schulz: Oh. Whoa, whoa. I didn't know if she was, uh, forgiving of him and saying that we're gonna make it work or something.
Christine Schiefer: I don't think so.
Em Schulz: Okay.
Christine Schiefer: Um, she and Nicoline got together to confront Emile.
Em Schulz: I love that story even more.
Christine Schiefer: I don't. I want them to run far, far fucking away, but I guess yeah, to confronting... I can see why you would want to, um, but it's also dangerous. This guy's not a good guy. I don't... I don't know, but it just makes me nervous. But Emile saw both women when he arrived at their meetup point, and he began cursing at Nicoline in Afrikaans, um, so that Carly didn't understand what they were saying. And at that moment, Nicoline was like, why am I even here? This is a waste of my time. I'm over you. I'm over it. So...
Em Schulz: Good for you.
Christine Schiefer: Emile made it very difficult for his partners to leave, which is why this confrontation makes me nervous, because it's like, that's just another chance for him to like get his hooks in you.
Em Schulz: Grab on. Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: You know. Um, but fortunately Nicoline did pull away and uh, you know, he's just the kind of guy where he's just charismatic and it's like, you don't know how he's pulled the wool over your eyes. Um, but people just seem to adore him. So Nicoline described it as, when he's in the moment with you, you're the only person in the world. But even when they were teenagers, Emile was cheating on her often. And he had abandoned her and her children without warning and married someone else. And at this point, she was like, all right, I'm done. Like, this is the last straw.
Christine Schiefer: So Nicoline finally walked away for good, thankfully. And Carly and Emile did eventually divorce for real this time. Now, Emile was with Victoria, and when he proposed, she was thrilled. She got pregnant right before their wedding. They had this like, very fantastical wedding in South Africa. They were both completely besides themselves in like honeymoon phase and excitement. And Victoria was so in love and so excited about like having a fresh, a clean slate and a, a happy future together. She wanted to go anywhere with him, do anything with him, and of course forgive him for anything as well, which he obviously knew, um, and took advantage of. So this is pretty rough. She, uh, got pregnant right before the wedding and then 12 weeks in, began to miscarry, um, and decided to, um, you know, let the fetus pass naturally. And so she was bleeding and Emile was disappointed that this interfered with their overnight plans to go see a cricket match in London.
Em Schulz: Oh my God.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. This is...
Em Schulz: Tip of the iceberg, I'm sure, but, still...
Christine Schiefer: But no, the... Yeah. But this is the one where I, where I thought to myself, if a friend ever told me this happened...
Em Schulz: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: The way I would...
Em Schulz: Lose my mind.
Christine Schiefer: Intervene. Like, and I usually like, don't mess with people's, whatever it's, you know, but this, I'd be like, no, no, no, no, no, that's too far. Sorry, my friend, he was, uh, disappointed, because they had these plans to go to London and watch a cricket match, and he asked if they could still go. And Victoria was hesitant because she was experiencing severe cramping and heavy bleeding.
Em Schulz: I was gonna say a shitload of pain. Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: From losing a baby, and also heartbroken because again, losing her first baby.
Em Schulz: I don't think she gives a shit about a cricket match. Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. But she also didn't want to disappoint Emile, so she agreed to drive him there. And they went, but when they arrived... This is so fucked up, I can't. He apparently told her, don't worry, you'll be comfortable. There's like this nice hotel we're staying at. It was a hostel and there was not even a bed.
Em Schulz: Oh my God.
Christine Schiefer: It was like a mat on the floor.
Em Schulz: Oh my God.
Christine Schiefer: And Victoria, Emile and his cricket team would all be sharing a room.
Em Schulz: Oh my God.
Christine Schiefer: In sleeping bags on the floor with one toilet. And again, she is miscarrying a baby right now.
Em Schulz: Yeah. She needs the toilet.
Christine Schiefer: Please...
Em Schulz: She needs a toilet by herself. Oh my...
Christine Schiefer: She needs her own bathroom please. And, and her own space. And probably a bathtub and probably...
Em Schulz: A bed.
Christine Schiefer: A bed and tissues and etcetera. And a real actual supportive partner, and not this asshole. But yeah, imagine being on that cricket team and like, I would just... Anyway, it's a... It's just so sick. So of course...
Em Schulz: But I wonder what hi... What the other people on the team were thinking the whole time. Like...
Christine Schiefer: I mean, I don't know if like they told them, right? Like, I feel like that's so personal.
Em Schulz: Right.
Christine Schiefer: I wouldn't tell a bunch of dudes if I was having a miscarriage, you know? But like, yeah. So it's kind of hard 'cause it's like, I mean, do they even know? And I'm sure he's pulling the wool over their eyes and saying like, oh, she's just in a mood or something, you know? I mean, who knows? 'Cause he clearly didn't care about her actual miscarriage. Uh, this is just crazy.
Em Schulz: Sick.
Christine Schiefer: So it is sick. Um, and so they're all sleeping on the hard floor, uh, in sleeping bags. And he just said, oh, I forgot to tell you about the accommodations being so sparse. So in absolute despair, Victoria's looking around and she's like, I can't sleep here. I can't sleep here. I'm in pain. I'm bleeding. And so Emile said, fine, drive yourself home.
Em Schulz: Oh.
Christine Schiefer: So she drove herself home. It was an over an hour away, um, at night. And again, actively miscarrying drove her way back home 'cause she didn't wanna sleep on the floor with a bunch of men and a communal toilet. I'm... Like, I can't.
Em Schulz: Wow. Breathtaking...
Christine Schiefer: Breath... It is breath... Breathtaking. It really is. Um, so this dismissiveness and, and cruelty just became, like, commonplace in their marriage. Um, as time went on, Victoria tried to like focus on the good, the, the early, like tried to grasp onto anything she could from the early days, like some hope that it would get back to that place, even though, you know, of course hindsight being 20/20, we know that's never gonna happen with an abuser like this. But, uh, she really tried and hoped that she could, you know, get things back on track. So fortunately, Victoria and Emile did end up having two children following the loss of Victoria's first pregnancy.
Em Schulz: Oh yeah. I wanna be happy for them.
Christine Schiefer: I know.
Em Schulz: But also I'm like, girl, you're trapped. You're trapped.
Christine Schiefer: So their daughter, April, was born in April.
Em Schulz: April.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Of 2012, and they had a son named Ben, born two years later, and she...
Em Schulz: Born in Ben.
Christine Schiefer: Born in Ben. [laughter] And she loved her children, umm, above everything else. This is, like, her new priority in life. Umm, but those two years, uh, between pregnancies and, and, umm, as she was having her first two kids had really been hard on her, and she was off at home alone caring for April, sometimes for weeks, while Emile went on, like, shady business trips to other countries, and, like, she didn't know what he was doing, where he was going. Umm, he left over the holidays, and she stayed up late nights waiting for him to text her good night, waiting after midnight on New Year's Eve, hoping he would say, Happy New Year.
Em Schulz: Oh.
Christine Schiefer: And she's home with literally two babies, like, two, two years apart, and he's just fucking gallivanting around.
Em Schulz: Wow.
Christine Schiefer: And she always caught him in lies. Like, he would say, oh, I'm at a base without cell-service or internet, and she's like, I know the base... Like, I am in the military. I know you have Wi-Fi. Like, you can't... [laughter] I'm not stupid, you know? But he's treating her like...
Em Schulz: The best part is when she thinks that, when he thinks that she must be stupid, even though it's...
Christine Schiefer: I guess. Yeah.
Em Schulz: Her fucking territory, you know?
Christine Schiefer: It is her territory. And it's like... That's still, like, a lame excuse anyway, you know? Whatever. Like, Oh, there's no cell service. It's like, No. No.
Em Schulz: Like, give me a break. Give me a break.
Christine Schiefer: He often tried to lie with, like, vague military jargon, and that obviously is even more infuriating to her because she is a veteran and a very accomplished one of that. She knows how the military works. She knows that he's making shit up and just using, like, buzz words to try and fool her. So time and time...
Em Schulz: And obviously... And it's at a point, I'm sure, where she can't even say anything because then you're, you're insulting him and then you have a problem on your hands.
Christine Schiefer: Well, exactly. And that was the other big thing they talked about, is, oftentimes, you're met with these explosive reactions because you're being essentially trained out of bringing up the inconsistencies.
Em Schulz: Oh yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Trained out of conf, confrontation, trained out of, umm, uh...
Em Schulz: I can both say we've been there, I think.
Christine Schiefer: Pointing out any sort of, [chuckle] any sort of, uh, yeah, lie or deception, because is it worth it?
Em Schulz: Yeah, it's just not worth it.
Christine Schiefer: Maybe if it's worth it, is it worth it when you have two little babies at home? Maybe not, you know?
Em Schulz: Hmm.
Christine Schiefer: It's like... It's just... Oh. It's so infuriating. So of course, Victoria is also finding out that Emile's just having affairs left and right. Umm, but of course, every time, he deflects it and does the thing where he blows up in her face, tells her she's paranoid, uh, she just has trust issues because her first husband cheated on her, it's not his problem. So essentially turns all of this against her and just, like, pushes her down, down, down, down, down. So Victoria learned that Emile would become very aggressive when confronted. And eventually, like we just said, the arguments just did not feel worth it, 'cause you already know what you know, and arguing about is like, what are you gonna do? Just piss him off and then, like, be in danger? You know?
Em Schulz: Well, so, like, you're just gonna end up apologizing, like...
Christine Schiefer: At the end of the day, like, what's it worth if... Yeah, if it just goes back to the way it was?
Em Schulz: It's like you... At some point, you just have to... If you're in that position, you just have to sit pretty, knowing that, like, you know what you...
Christine Schiefer: It feels like you're...
Em Schulz: You know the truth.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Em Schulz: And there's no point to stir the pot, 'cause you're just gonna cause problems for yourself, so.
Christine Schiefer: Uh, what's the sweetly... What's the...
Em Schulz: Oh. Keep sweet?
Christine Schiefer: Keep sweet. Yeah. Just, just let it be. It's not your place, you know? Umm, and so she feels very trapped, uh, and just kind of like she wants this to work so badly, and she loves him so much, but it's just, he's not... I would say he's not putting the work. He's actively giving her more work in this relationship.
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: He's not doing anything. Umm, she continually caught him in these lies, and she was like, it's worth just maintaining the peace and not bringing it up. So when Emile wasn't shouting at Victoria or denying an affair, he was just, like, completely ghosting her, isolating her, ignoring her altogether. He rarely spent time with her. He basically didn't speak to her even when they were under the same roof.
Em Schulz: Ooh.
Christine Schiefer: So one day while Emile was on a trip to Austria, he called Victoria and asked what she wanted for Christmas. So sad. She was really happy, 'cause, like, uh, another thing we've learned over the years through both other people's stories and personal experiences is that, umm, the breadcrumbs end up being...
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: Huge. And so you're setting up... You're setting a precedent that... I mean, mean, mean, I don't like you. You have to do everything. But then when I do look at you and say, hey, I care about you. I wanna get you a present, it's like, ah. You know? It, it, it means so much more because relatively speaking, this is the most you've gotten in so long.
Em Schulz: Well, it's the classic, oh the highs are high and the lows are low.
Christine Schiefer: Correct.
Em Schulz: So like...
Christine Schiefer: Correct.
Em Schulz: Well, also, it's like you treat me like garbage 99% of the time. So the one time you're doing something nice, I'm gonna gobble it up, 'cause I'm just so desperate for anything.
Christine Schiefer: Exactly. 'Cause it means so much more...
Em Schulz: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Relatively. And like you said, the pendulum swings, like, the bads are bad, the goods are real good.
Em Schulz: But then, God forbid, you don't even, like... The time that they're being nice...
Christine Schiefer: Oh jeez.
Em Schulz: Oh, that's it's own whole fucking fight. Oh my God.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, then you're in real, real danger, honestly. So he asked her, what do you want for Christmas? And she's just thrilled that he's even thinking of her, and she said she would like some slippers. To that, he said, well, I don't have much money. Oh, so you prick...
Em Schulz: Okay. So what were you planning on getting me? A fucking...
Christine Schiefer: A rock?
Em Schulz: Rock? Like... [laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Em and I are like, not that that's from personal experience. [laughter] A rock? [laughter] Oh, God.
Em Schulz: One time, I was... This is when I was with my abusive ex. I had, uh... They gave me my own gift back and said...
Christine Schiefer: Oh.
Em Schulz: And... But not... They were like, oh no, we're just saving money. And I'm like, why wouldn't have...
Christine Schiefer: We are?
Em Schulz: Like, uh, it sounds like you're saving money. I spent money to get this for you.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. Well, I, I like it they're like, you're not saving money. I'm saving money. [laughter]
Em Schulz: Yeah. And then I was supposed to be appreciative that they were so financially-savvy...
Christine Schiefer: Frugal?
Em Schulz: Of saving $10. I was like, Okay.
Christine Schiefer: On you.
Em Schulz: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Woof!
Em Schulz: Whatever. And then, and then they went on a shopping spree that night, of course for themselves.
Christine Schiefer: Of course.
Em Schulz: Of course.
Christine Schiefer: It's different.
Em Schulz: Beautiful.
Christine Schiefer: Beautiful stuff. So she said, I'd like slippers. He said he didn't have much money. So on Christmas day, Victor... This makes my stomach flip. Victoria sat there while everyone opened gifts, and she was the only one to not receive a single present.
Em Schulz: Hmm.
Christine Schiefer: The only one.
Em Schulz: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Umm, so Victoria really tried to buck up and, you know, chin up and get through it. Umm, she at least wanted to be a good mother to her kids, and she hoped maybe Emile would come back to the way he used to be, and some day they'd be back at that happy honeymoon place. But when Emile called Victoria one day to make plans with her, she thought finally, her luck had changed, umm, because Emile hadn't even spoken to her that morning in the kitchen. Like, he just fully flat out ignored her, much less planning, like fun activities. So when he calls and says, I have a great idea. I want to spend the day with you and the kids, she was like, I gotta jump on this chance. He's finally putting some effort into the relationship.
Em Schulz: He's doing something. Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah, he's, he's contributing, he, he's asking to, to spend time together, quality time. So that's huge. So he calls her, he says, okay, let's make plans. Umm, I wanna spend the day with you. However, she was only a few weeks postpartum. And a few weeks postpartum, you're still in quite a bit of upheaval, hormonally, physically, etcetera, whether... And, uh, it was a mildly complicated birth, is how it was described, so I don't know the details. But, umm, either way, a couple of weeks postpartum, you're at least, at the very least, under-slept and hormonally out, you know, out of whack. So that aside, I guess he didn't consider that. What a shock?
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: And he said, I know. Well, let's go skydiving together as a family.
Em Schulz: He's gonna push her out of the fucking plane. He's gonna put bricks in her parachute. [laughter] What's he gonna do? It's gonna be something fucked up. What's... So, what's gonna happen?
Christine Schiefer: So she's, like, only a few weeks postpartum, and she's like, I don't know if I wanna go skydiving right now. I don't really feel great, and...
Em Schulz: Are you even allowed to after something like that? .
Christine Schiefer: I mean, she's like a certified, advanced... I'm sure, I'm sure she can do whatever she wants.
Em Schulz: Okay.
Christine Schiefer: You know? I don't think there's, like, a law against it or anything. Umm, it's probably not recommended. So they go, they go parachuting together. And she had given up her instructor work, uh, in the meantime because she felt guilty for leaving the house on weekends with the kids at home. And Emile had cricket, so she couldn't very well let him miss cricket to go have skydiving.
Em Schulz: Heaven forbid.
Christine Schiefer: That would never fly. Get it? Umm, which meant Victoria needed to be at home with the kids.
Em Schulz: You know what... [chuckle] Never mind. I was gonna be double jo, double-joke you.
Christine Schiefer: You know how I hate that sometimes?
Em Schulz: I was gonna say...
Christine Schiefer: It only works on... The highs are high, the lows are low, and...
Em Schulz: Okay, I'll stop that. My own thing.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: I'm sorry.
Em Schulz: I was gonna say the joke... I can't stop while I'm ahead. You said a joke. I didn't laugh, and I was gonna say, Oh, crickets.
Christine Schiefer: "Gasp." Rude.
Em Schulz: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Talk... Yeah. You said, Talk about crickets, and... You hit the button. Yeah, that's pretty good.
Em Schulz: Hang on.
[laughter]
Christine Schiefer: It's a laugh.
Em Schulz: I'll never know. It'll never be good.
Christine Schiefer: It's one of them. Anyway. So she hadn't been skydiving in a while, so he basically pitched her. It was like, hey, you know, you're not feeling yourself. Let's get out there and back to your, your favorite hobby. That'll do good for all of us. Umm, and she wanted to spend time with Emile, and she wasn't ready to be like, No, I won't do that with you, and then be shut off for another year, you know?
Em Schulz: Sure. Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: So she had to take this chance. And she could not remember the last time he had initiated anything between them. So unfortunately, Emile told her, uh, the day of that, his plan to find a babysitter fell through, so instead, he's just gonna bring April and newborn Ben to the parachuting club, and they, together, would watch Victoria skydive alone.
Em Schulz: Beautiful. Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: She was disappointed, umm, because she wanted him to jump with her, but Victoria decided any time with him was better than nothing. Umm, in the end though, the jump was cancelled because of the wind, the high winds, so Victoria found herself a bit relieved. She was like, I wasn't really feeling it anyway. Umm, but Emile insisted they go back the next day, and she should get that jump done. It'll bring her back to herself. And although she didn't really want to jump, umm, s he was like, I'd rather have just gone and watched a movie with my kids and my husband.
Em Schulz: Right. Anything.
Christine Schiefer: Anything just to be together. I didn't need to jump out of a plane.
Em Schulz: Well, it's like, I only, I only agreed to this because you were supposed to be there.
Christine Schiefer: Exactly. Like, it was only for the quality time anyway. And the infant was only 5 weeks old, so this is just not the time, right? But she really wanted to kind of go along with this and encourage him to make more of these kinds of gestures, etcetera, so she agreed to return the next morning for the skydiving. Umm, Victoria's personal jump gear needed to be serviced after being unused for a long time, so she ended up renting a parachute from the club, and unfortunately, the weather again was really not good, so she ended up putting her parachute in her locker. And, umm, she used to work there as an instructor, so she knew, like, where people kept their parachutes. She... They had, like, the whole protocol down. You know, she's in advanced certified whatever. She just puts it in her locker, and she decides to, umm, leave it there for now. So, Sunday, April 5th of 2015, Victoria arrives back at the club. Jump is cancelled yet again. And she texts Emile and he says, why don't you just wait a bit? The weather's gonna clear up. So, Victoria says, all right, fine.
Christine Schiefer: So she takes a little bit of a nap on a bench, and she waits patiently until she's given the go-ahead, and a plane is finally able to take her on a jump. So she's relieved because, like, also, this has just been days in the making, and she doesn't even wanna do it. And now her husband's not even here? Like, the whole point was that they were doing it together. And now he's like, No, you want this so bad. Like, go, go...
Em Schulz: And you know, if she were to cancel, he'd be like, Oh, so now you don't wanna do it?
Christine Schiefer: Oh, so you just want nothing to do with me? I try...
Em Schulz: It's like, Oh, well, I'm just trying right here. I already...
Christine Schiefer: Yeah.
Em Schulz: I already, I don't know, paid for the session, or something. Like, Oh, so now... "
Christine Schiefer: What's, what's the line like, umm, Why do I even bother?
Em Schulz: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Like, Why do I even bother trying if you're not even gonna appreciate my effort, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: So... Here's a rock. So she texted... [laughter] She texted Emile...
Em Schulz: Here's your own gift. [laughter]
Christine Schiefer: Here's your own fucking rock that you gave me. So, she texted Emile, and he's like, Oh, just... Why don't you just take a nap and wait? So she naps there, waits, gets her parachute out, uh, when she's given the go-ahead, and she's relieved to finally get this over with. So she's the last in the group. There's, like, a group of 10 or 12 people on the plane. She's the last in the group to exit the plane. And as soon as she starts to fall, she's like, You know what, he was right. This is, like, such a relief. She describes it almost as like when you start falling in that free fall, it's like everything else gets drowned out.
Em Schulz: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: And this is what she was doing when her mom had cancer. Like, she just needed something that, like, totally drowned out everything else. Umm, and that's like me and those sardines you mentioned. I just, like, just drown it all out. [laughter]
Em Schulz: If you could bathe in them, you would. Uh, they just...
Christine Schiefer: Just pungent, you know?
Em Schulz: They do something to you. Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: They distract me from the horror of life.
Em Schulz: Amazing that that doesn't make your pee smell.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. It is amazing. Isn't it?
Em Schulz: It's actually amazing. Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. I think it's pretty amazing. Umm, so, she's the last one. She, as she begins to fall, she feels like that kind of rush of like, oh, this is the old me, you know? And I, I'm back to normal. Umm, this is second nature to Victoria. She had literally done this thousands of times, so she spread her arm, she counted the seconds, and then she deployed her parachute and waited for that upward tug that she was so familiar with. But after pulling the parachute, wouldn't you know it? Nothing happens. She's not slowing down, there's no tug. She looks up, she sees the lines are tangled. She thinks, Oh shit, but she doesn't panic because she is a trained soldier, and she is a badass woman. So she kicks her legs to try and spin her body and unwind the cables from each other. But even as she's correcting the cables, she doesn't slow down, and she's like...
Em Schulz: Shit.
Christine Schiefer: Okay, this parachute has failed. So she makes a split-second decision to cut it loose, and so she, she cuts her parachute loose as she's falling from the fucking sky, and she releases her reserve parachute. The reserve bellows out behind her. But doesn't tuck. Doesn't catch.
Em Schulz: Oh, fuck.
Christine Schiefer: She does not slow down. She could see it was only partially inflated, and she began spinning out of control as she is plummeting faster and faster toward the ground.
Em Schulz: Oh, my God.
Christine Schiefer: She did everything in her power with years of highly skilled experience to try and correct the parachute, but it was no use. Umm, the other jumpers who were at the bottom already watched.
Em Schulz: Are just watching. Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: In horror as she plummeted past them, because they're still in the sky...
Em Schulz: Hmm.
Christine Schiefer: Like slowly coasting.
Em Schulz: It's moments like that where I'm like, can you grab one of their feet and, like, would the, would their parachute catch you, or are you, are you gonna kill somebody by you trying to save yourself?
Christine Schiefer: I mean, I don't know if you can even steer or if you don't have a parachute, 'cause you're just free-falling.
Em Schulz: Kind of, what if you perfectly happened to land on, next to one of them? Like, aim and like...
Christine Schiefer: Well, you're going so fast. You'd have to really...
Em Schulz: Yeah, I don't know.
Christine Schiefer: 'Cause if you're floating... Like, it is pretty slow once you start floating. You're kind of like coasting.
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: And then someone's, like, free-falling past you. I feel like they'd have to...
Em Schulz: Oh, my God.
Christine Schiefer: Do something very, umm...
Em Schulz: You're right. You're right.
Christine Schiefer: Acrobatic. But, umm... Yeah. So, anyway, she's, she's trying her best. The ground is coming up at her, and all she remembers is that, uh, she heard a metal clank and then it lights out. She hit the ground, metal clank.
Em Schulz: Well, what's the metal?
Christine Schiefer: I'm sure some of her equipment, probably. I don't know.
Em Schulz: Wow.
Christine Schiefer: And that was it. So the other jumpers had to watch as she plummeted past them. She fell the 4000 feet, collided with the ground below, heard that metal clang and went unconscious. When Victoria woke up, she knew she had fallen but she wasn't in pain. Umm, she checked for a spine injury and realized she could still wiggle her fingers and toes.
Em Schulz: Oh, my God. Wow.
Christine Schiefer: Umm, she assumed she wasn't injured because of this, but as she faded in and out of consciousness, she realized she was being transport... Air-lifted to a hospital, so she's like, Okay, this must be worse than I thought.
Em Schulz: Right.
Christine Schiefer: Umm, because she's probably just so out of it. She's like...
Em Schulz: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Oh, I guess I'm fine. And they're like, You're certainly not fine. You just fell 4000 feet into the ground.
Em Schulz: Oh my God.
Christine Schiefer: Now, get this, the fucking [laughter] guy at the, that she worked with at the, umm, parachuting place, at the skydiving place, called Emile and said, Hey, there's been an accident. Emile's like, Well, what happened? And he goes, Uh, her parachutes failed to open, and she hit the ground, but it wasn't fatal. And the guy described it. He's like I told him over and over. It doesn't appear fatal. It doesn't appear fatal. She's in and out of consciousness. And he's like, I was trying to relieve him...
Em Schulz: Mm-hmm.
Christine Schiefer: By saying, Don't worry. She'll live through it, I think.
Em Schulz: And he sounded pissed or something?
Christine Schiefer: And he's like, Okay, and just hung up the phone. Like, he was, like, pissed off that this didn't work. So, honestly, shocking, she survived basically falling 4000 feet out of free fall and hitting the ground. It's gonna kill most people. And people... The person you actually...
Em Schulz: Like, it's beyond. It's... Uh, truly miraculous. [chuckle]
Christine Schiefer: It is miraculous. And the person who actually came to, umm... Like, the, with the emergency services brought a body bag out of the, out of the vehicle, because they thought she's certainly passed by now. So they brought a body bag, and they were gonna zip her up the, right there on the airfield, and then it turns out she was conscious, in and out of consciousness.
Em Schulz: Hmm.
Christine Schiefer: So it was a miracle, really. And they brought her to the hospital. Umm, meanwhile, back at the parachuting club, the staff was inspecting this failed canopy, this failed parachute, wondering what the hell happened, umm, especially because both failed to, to operate, and it's not every day, someone needs to even use their backup parachute...
Em Schulz: Right.
Christine Schiefer: Because in 2023, for example, Saoirse pulled a cool number here, 3,655,000 people went skydiving in the US in 2023...
Em Schulz: Wow.
Christine Schiefer: And only about 5000 reported using their reserve. And presumably, almost every time, it had worked.
Em Schulz: It, it had worked. Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Yeah. [chuckle] So there were only 10 fatalities in 2023, making it statistically about as fatal as skiing, like, in the same proportion.
Em Schulz: Okay.
Christine Schiefer: So, the parachutes, or canopies, as some people call them, rarely actually fail themselves. It's usually user error, like, the, the... Like, she thought, Oh, the ropes got tangled up, you know?
Em Schulz: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: But this was different, because she had untangle them, and it still didn't work, so something had gone catastrophically wrong, umm, beyond her control. And the reserve one didn't work either, so this was red flags galore. This club staff had never actually seen cables tangled this way, and so they actually got out a camcorder and started filming, like, to just...
Em Schulz: Hmm.
Christine Schiefer: For, for posterity sake, I guess, to say, Let's untangle this. Get video footage to figure out what, uh, is going on. And as they are looking through and untangling, looking at all the pieces, piecing together the parachute, they, they say, and you can hear it in the video, which is so chilling, that they say, It looks like someone tampered with this.
Em Schulz: Hmm.
Christine Schiefer: And they say, I think we should stop touching it and call the police. Let's not mess with this any further. We... I think we need to bring the police into this. And so he says, all right, I'm gonna stop recording. And they said, all right, hands off, we're gonna bring the police in.
Em Schulz: Wow.
Christine Schiefer: And it was then confirmed that both of Victoria parachutes had been sabotaged.
Em Schulz: Hmm.
Christine Schiefer: And the rest will be saved for part two next week.
Em Schulz: "Gasp." You and your damn part twos.
Christine Schiefer: I know. I love them, though.
Em Schulz: Oh my God. Wow. Definitely juicy. Uh...
Christine Schiefer: It gets even wilder. I mean, you know...
Em Schulz: Really?
Christine Schiefer: I mean, that's definitely the big, the big plot point, obviously, but just the drama of... I mean, we kinda have a guess who did it, but then there's all sorts of... All sorts of nonsense.
Em Schulz: Wow. Yeah, makes sense why didn't wanna go on that trip all of a sudden, or on that, uh...
Christine Schiefer: Isn't that weird?
Em Schulz: Yeah.
Christine Schiefer: Couldn't find a baby sitter.
Em Schulz: Well, thank you, Christine, for your creepy little story. Uh...
Christine Schiefer: You're so welcome, Emathy.
Em Schulz: And, hmm, what to do, what to do. I guess I'm gonna go throw some pasta with you in a second.
Christine Schiefer: Oh my God, how fun. Okay, I can't wait to do a yappy hour. We're gonna do some divination. Umm, so if you're, if you're down to clown, everyone, come on over.
Em Schulz: Yeah, come to our shows. You can get tickets on our website. You can, uh, you can also get either of our books, you could also get them as audiobooks, and... And?
Christine Schiefer: That's.
Em Schulz: Why.
Christine Schiefer: We.
Em Schulz: Drink.
[laughter]
